Discussion What's the most depressing or traumatic thing you have witnessed or know about in your life?

[Save_Me_Mind]

I'm curious, what's the most traumatic/depressing thing you've ever witnessed or heard about?

Mine would be my best friend killing themselves while I was unconscious from barely surviving my attempt (SN). Another would be everyone slowly leaving, one by one, without a care, nor have any reason to tell. For that leads to delusion, and confusion that allows you to go crazy -> Dissociative Amnesia -> Desensitization, which then lead myself to having schizophrenia. Simply when you're at your lowest and on the verge of death from sickness and no ones there...

 

[tbroken]

The most traumatic things for me were two injuries that happened when i was really young. They could be avoided and they were not random events or caused by me, that is why i don't trust anyone in this life. Sometimes it can lead to good results, other times it just makes you feel f*cking alone.

Because if you had bonding as a child you have a connection to yourself. I lack it competely. As soon as I m 2, 3 hours alone I depersonalize. Watch myself from the outside. I have no self-esteem ( that's also built with bonding, at least the basics).

I mean, i don't have bonding either, because my family members made a lot of mistakes and they also caused my trauma when i was really young (they were always thinking for themselves and not about me). But i think it is a good thing, i don't need anyone now, I can care about myself and i don't trust anyone. Solitude makes you stronger.

 

[Meteora]

I m sorry you experienced that, too.

But i think it is a good thing, i don't need anyone now, I can care about myself and i don't trust anyone. Solitude makes you stronger.

Hm, I understand what you mean. The thing is that I used to enjoy solitude to a certain degree. Since a few years I react with extreme stress (for ex. hyperarousal) and that is not fun at all cause you wanna hurt yourself just to make this state go away. It has become chronical with me and I have not a single clue how it should ever go away again. This fact alone causes a very high suicidality.
(its very weird that I have a hard time finding a definition in English for this word...... I m surprised)

Hyperarousal: Symptoms, causes, and how to cope

Hyperarousal is common in people with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). The person can become particularly sensitive to things that are happening around them. They may be irritable and find it hard to sleep. Find out more about the key signs, treatment for managing symptoms, and how a loved...

www.medicalnewstoday.com

that's maybe a not too bad description, although I find it not very differentiated and basically everybody can relate to it to a certain degree. But it's not that everybody is experiencing it. Did not find anything better. sorry.

 

[Meteora]

Do you know how the pregnancy, birth and early childhood was with you?

Would you still like to answer this question @sserafim ?

 

[Forever Sleep]

Hearing that my Mum delayed having chemo because she was pregnant with me. The cancer killed her 3 years later. For a long time, I thought she had died in order to have me. My Dad told me that it would have only prolonged her life a few months. I don't know if that's true but, either way, I wish she'd done it. She loved life by the sounds of it.

After that, growing up with a (suspected) narcissist was traumatic every day.

 

[Meteora]

@Forever Sleep that's horrible and I wished for you your mother survived.....

 

[Silent_cries]

To me it's all the times I was violent to ppl physically and emotionally back when I was rly mentally fucked. The memories haunt me non-stop. Just knowing the damage I did kills me inside. Just remembering the twisted thoughts I had back then and me doing and saying all of these horrible things. The memories plays over and over again in my head and it hurts so badly every time. It's a reality I'm forced to live with for the rest of my life, a reality I wish was never real. It ruins me every day, and it has ruined my life forever, and it's all my fault! >_<