What’s the happiest moment in time you remember in your life?

[efffervescence]

Just before I got cheated on my ex stayed at my house for like 2 weeks and one day we went to the beach and it was the best day of my life. We were in the sea in UK and it was kinda cold but we went in on a private part of the beach that I knew of and went swimming. Then when we were far enough out that I couldn't reach the ground but he could he had me in his arms and we said I love you to each other and it felt so genuine and that moment is probably the most in love with him I've ever been. Looking back it's kind of bittersweet because I know now that it wasn't real because he cheated on me like a week later but I still love the memory. Those 2 weeks are the happiest and most loved I've ever felt in my life, now that that was fake everything else feels fake too.

Seeing my dad for the first time after starting Ritalin was also really nice, it made me realise how well I was functioning with it and I felt like I was really connecting with him which is something I've struggled to do for a while. We got my phone repaired at Apple so I didn't have a phone for the whole time and his died, so we went to lunch at a really expensive restaurant and spoke to each other with no phones and I was able to focus on the conversation because of Ritalin and it felt so good to properly engage in conversation without manically checking my phone every 10 seconds. The food was really nice too and I hadn't been to that restaurant since I recovered from my anorexia so I got to enjoy something I hadn't been able to enjoy since we had went when I was a child. Then since my heart is kinda fucked from my suicide attempt + Ritalin now I tried out his Fitbit and he offered to take me down the road and get me one out of nowhere and it felt really thoughtful and nice. The specific moment for this one was when I hugged him and said thank you and I love you again, I don't know why. It was just really nice to function around my dad I guess, I haven't functioned around him for a long time.

Also when I was a tiny child I have little flashes of memories with my cousin who died when he was 17. I miss him a lot, I wish he'd lived longer so I could remember him more vividly. My most vivid memory involving him was saying no to going to see him a few days before he died because I was tired after shopping and passed on my last opportunity to see him. Obviously I didn't know but it really haunts me, I think this might be where my downwards spiral started.

 

[Taylor]

I was extra happy and energetic as a kid..as a teenager or as an adult i didnt have a single moment of pure joy, i had some fun but it was never "freedom fun", it was always under certain limitations and my best times were when it was mixed with full hope for a better future so with that in mind i would say that my dreamer moments (age 17-18) were my best,full hope of bringing the hippie half science girl i am to life and in the meantime enjoying what im capable of doing with great motivation.. But since im here on this website - its pretty obvious i failed and still cant function as little as a person should..Still that girl on the inside though..ugh it feels kind of tragic.
your story sounds like a dream to me! To fully enjoy a moment without feeling held back.
I wish i could play drums and feel so free and satisfied, i keep watching john bonham and i get so jealous! He's a legend!what kind of music do you play? Is it ok if i ask why do you want to ctb?

That was the most magical age for me as well, 17-18 where I was at my peak of health and athleticism, free of any pain, and so hopeful and excited for what my future would behold. Then my joints began to deteriorate significantly at an early age (I researched and found out type O blood types like myself are prone to arthritis, and I also must have poor joint integrity genetics in my family, since my cousin is dealing with the same issues at the same age mine started) and it was just steady decline into this abyss of utter defeat. I went through multiple (unsuccessful) shoulder surgeries, and since I was extremely vulnerable emotionally and in terrible pain recovering from that, I developed some really strange social phobias that just destroyed who I was as a person, and I've never been the same since. Then, while still trying to move forward despite how awful my circumstances have become, I developed the most torturous ibs-c condition (again due to social fears and feeling so far away from myself at this point) and it has been a living hell ever since. I'm truly beyond my breaking point and finally ready to give in now. I just cannot see myself living any longer in this condition, physically, mentally and emotionally.

Just before I got cheated on my ex stayed at my house for like 2 weeks and one day we went to the beach and it was the best day of my life. We were in the sea in UK and it was kinda cold but we went in on a private part of the beach that I knew of and went swimming. Then when we were far enough out that I couldn't reach the ground but he could he had me in his arms and we said I love you to each other and it felt so genuine and that moment is probably the most in love with him I've ever been. Looking back it's kind of bittersweet because I know now that it wasn't real because he cheated on me like a week later but I still love the memory. Those 2 weeks are the happiest and most loved I've ever felt in my life, now that that was fake everything else feels fake too.

God I honestly think I must be too good for this world, and God must know it too, because I would never treat a woman I cared about that way. As my able bodied self I went out of my way to make sure any love of mine knew how much they meaned to me, with moments just like that, and specifically disclosed that I wouldn't even make such efforts if I had any intention or inclination that it wasn't genuine and I could even possibly be interested in anyone else. I think leading any individual on in that way is just so cold and heartless and I would never be the type to do that to anyone, let alone a significant other I had feelings for. Oh well I guess, I know I'm going to be returning to a much better place where there are only like minded individuals who will never hurt me like the countless amount of times I have been before, just like you described. :)

 

[efffervescence]

God I honestly think I must be too good for this world, and God must know it too, because I would never treat a woman I cared about that way. As my able bodied self I went out of my way to make sure any love of mine knew how much they meaned to me, with moments just like that, and specifically disclosed that I wouldn't even make such efforts if I had any intention or inclination that it wasn't genuine and I could even possibly be interested in anyone else. I think leading any individual on in that way is just so cold and heartless and I would never be the type to do that to anyone, let alone a significant other I had feelings for. Oh well I guess, I know I'm going to be returning to a much better place where there are only like minded individuals who will never hurt me like the countless amount of times I have been before, just like you described. :)

Honestly I would never ever treat anyone the way he treated me, especially after the cheating lol, the day he cheated on me was actually the calm before the storm of abuse that followed it. Imagine having someone that's entire life revolved around you and turning around and doing shit like that. Some people are just fucking vile apparently, they must be doing something right because for some reason they are always the happiest

 

[Taylor]

Honestly I would never ever treat anyone the way he treated me, especially after the cheating lol, the day he cheated on me was actually the calm before the storm of abuse that followed it. Imagine having someone that's entire life revolved around you and turning around and doing shit like that. Some people are just fucking vile apparently, they must be doing something right because for some reason they are always the happiest

Sure, they're perfectly suited to be happy in this fallen, evil, and corrupted world. Truly an advocate of Satan. He'll get what's coming to him :) trust me... haha.

 

[CoolGuy9]

When I was 12, we had a school trip to an amusement park called Linnanmäki. I spend the entire day with a really good friend of mine. At one point everyone was suppose to go back to school unless you had your parents permission, and because I didn't, I had to call my mum and she called the teacher and that way I got to spend my entire day there! I was also given plenty of money so buying expensive Ben and Jerry ice cream without having to worry about it was fucking great. I ate with my friend and her mum some french fries and sausages that were delicious. Then they gave a ride home. I can remember in the back of the van, talking with him, having a great time, because we were really good friends at the time. I got back to my school when it was really dark outside, because I had to retrieve my bike. That bike ride when it was cool and dark outside and all I could think of was how I had a really good day was one of those moments when you just think about how great live is. And to think that such a wonderful day wasn't even that odd in those times. It was a couple of months before my life was ruined.

 

[Taylor]

When I was 12, we had a school trip to an amusement park called Linnanmäki. I spend the entire day with a really good friend of mine. At one point everyone was suppose to go back to school unless you had your parents permission, and because I didn't, I had to call my mum and she called the teacher and that way I got to spend my entire day there! I was also given plenty of money so buying expensive Ben and Jerry ice cream without having to worry about it was fucking great. I ate with my friend and her mum some french fries and sausages that were delicious. Then they gave a ride home. I can remember in the back of the van, talking with him, having a great time, because we were really good friends at the time. I got back to my school when it was really dark outside, because I had to retrieve my bike. That bike ride when it was cool and dark outside and all I could think of was how I had a really good day was one of those moments when you just think about how great live is. And to think that such a wonderful day wasn't even that odd in those times. It was a couple of months before my life was ruined.

Haha speaking of one of those perfect moments in time where you think how great life is, that reminds me of how incredibly hot my Spanish teacher was, coincidentally as I was at the peak of my pubescence with sexual hormones running wild, my freshman year of high school. She was insanely pretty with this small figure, but then had the most incredibly big and round, genetically perfect and voluptuous ass. Needless to say, I didn't learn anything in Spanish class, and it was the first hour of the day, so imagine my struggle walking around for the rest of the day. Good times

 

[CoolGuy9]

Haha speaking of one of those perfect moments in time where you think how great life is, that reminds me of how incredibly hot my Spanish teacher was, coincidentally as I was at the peak of my pubescence with sexual hormones running wild, my freshman year of high school. She was insanely pretty with this small figure, but then had the most incredibly big and round, genetically perfect and voluptuous ass. Needless to say, I didn't learn anything in Spanish class, and it was the first hour of the day, so imagine my struggle walking around for the rest of the day. Good times

Lmao. The days when you are learning about your perverted desires that you didn't have before are quite unique.