What's the word or expression for if you don't want to die and you don't hate life, but you hate yourself and don't want to keep failing or feeling? Am I even truly suicidal?
I like to believe that if I really wanted to do it I'd just do it. Right? Death is all I think about. Whether it be an intrusive urge to jump or day dreaming about being killed. It's cathartic to me to think about and I don't know why I can't just make the decision. I'm especially confused because this is probably the only thing in my life im grey about. Is anyone else feeling particularly grey about their decision? Whether it be out of fear or genuine confusion?
I like to believe that if I really wanted to do it I'd just do it. Right? Death is all I think about. Whether it be an intrusive urge to jump or day dreaming about being killed. It's cathartic to me to think about and I don't know why I can't just make the decision. I'm especially confused because this is probably the only thing in my life im grey about. Is anyone else feeling particularly grey about their decision? Whether it be out of fear or genuine confusion?
