whats stopping YOU (yes YOU) from exploring the depths of your gender, or yourself in general

[ScottPilgram]

My gender is null, but also many. It is freeing to allow myself to be as i am, to live as i wish. To move with the flow of my feelings. I am water. There's 100 genders, there are no genders. You can't have light without dark, you cant have the absence of god without also the idea of god. If the world did not keep transgender people afraid under the constant threat of violence, if we lived in a world without restrictive rules and morals weighing you down. If you were truely allowed to exist, who might you be? Who would I have the pleasure of meeting right now? Close your eyes, think a little. Type it out.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

Because my body wouldn't change and that I wasn't born the correct sex from the get go to have a genuine upbringing as it.

If I had my way, I would have grown up to being an average looking/attractive woman. Beauty is important to me, even though I am a 400 lbs obese (biological) male. However, life had different plans for me so I shall flip the script and CTB.

 

[ScottPilgram]

Because my body wouldn't change and that I wasn't born the correct sex from the get go to have a genuine upbringing as it.

If I had my way, I would have grown up to being an average looking/attractive woman. Beauty is important to me, even though I am a 400 lbs obese (biological) male. However, life had different plans for me so I shall flip the script and CTB.

Fair, if it were up to me and I didn't have to be restricted to being purely human I'd be a biblically accurate angel cause those look sick as fuckin hell. I mean damn I want like 3 rings intersecting floating around covered in 100 eyeballs. I want like 3 pairs of wings... I want a halo of fire.... fuuuuck.

eeeh I'm nearly 300 pounds myself but I'm tryin to make due before I CTB. I'm trying to DIY tongue split and get top surgery and stuff. Since I'm restricted to a human form I'd say my ideal human form is as such. Arcrylic nails made to look like black claws, horn implants, wild contact lenses, split tongue, huge stretched ear lobes, many many tattoos, probably a lot of under the skin implants to make my skin have more texture. I may be a little insane hahaha. But we are here temperarily, and we are piloting our bodies. I'm planning on CTB but I want to go out with a total bang.

honestly who would choose to be human if we had a choice hahahaha

 

[Eternal Pessimist]

It's an interesting question. If I could choose to have any kind of body, my top priority would just be having a healthy body male or female. However, if I could try it out first and switch if I didn't like it, I might choose to be a woman. Especially if I could be very beautiful and look however I wanted.

 

[Unsure and Useless]

I simply just am. I don't resonate with society's concept of a woman or a man, but for simplicity's sake, I just identify as a woman since my family sees me as one, albeit a failed attempt at a woman.

If powers existed, shapeshifting would be cool. I can look however I want to look.

 

[ScottPilgram]

It's an interesting question. If I could choose to have any kind of body, my top priority would just be having a healthy body male or female. However, if I could try it out first and switch if I didn't like it, I might choose to be a woman. Especially if I could be very beautiful and look however I wanted.

I see a pattern of beauty. I find this to not be surprising. Anyone would want to look beautiful. I'm a huge weirdo and I like being squishy so I'd totally want a huge dad bod if i was forced to look normal. Like asgore from undertale. Everyone's got their own definitions of beauty, mine is very very strange. I hate to be assumptuous but yours might b very conventional which is ok too. Also i might be wrong because when i think conventional I genuinley think everyone wants to look like a bimbo which I fully support LMAO

I simply just am. I don't resonate with society's concept of a woman or a man, but for simplicity's sake, I just identify as a woman since my family sees me as one, albeit a failed attempt at a woman.

If powers existed, shapeshifting would be cool. I can look however I want to look.

"i simply just am" is great. Society's concept of "woman" and "man" is so so so confusing and different person to person. As an Autistic individual well... frankly that's confusing!!! I've decided that "woman" and "man" are xenogenders in themself. Like. Xenogenders are the abstract concept of a gender, perhaps the vibe of one? So when a cis person is asked what "woman" or "man" is they of course (if they arent weird and transphobic) think of a bunch of concepts for each one.
I honestly know a lot of people just like you (this is not a negative statement). Not caring but identifying as a woman for simplicitys sake is a ok as long as ur cool with it.
Shapeshifting would b the absolute shit hell yeaaaaah

 

[Sakura94]

Idk though would be nice to not exist in country where stabbing teenage trans girls is ok. Small thing to ask I know.
Anyway without threat of violence, health issues would still be the same. Genetic issues is what cause my gender according to science. If those are corrected I would not be me I guess because genes changed.

 

[ScottPilgram]

Idk though would be nice to not exist in country where stabbing teenage trans girls is ok. Small thing to ask I know.
Anyway without threat of violence, health issues would still be the same. Genetic issues is what cause my gender according to science. If those are corrected I would not be me I guess because genes changed.

yeah yeah it would. The world is terrifying

That's interesting. Never heard of that but I'm not here to interrogate you like a cop LOL. In a way I can understand. I think If you took away my Bipolar Disorder I would no longer be me. I genuinely believe my Bipolar Disorder is a huuuuge influence on my life. Who knows if I would still be "Scott" without it. Idk who "you" are, this thread is for anyone to express what they would be. If you truely could be anything, even thinking outside the box in shapeshifting terms and you didnt have to live as you are i wonder what you'd be. But even if you still are like "I'd still be what I am" that's fine too.

 

[Eternal Pessimist]

I see a pattern of beauty. I find this to not be surprising. Anyone would want to look beautiful. I'm a huge weirdo and I like being squishy so I'd totally want a huge dad bod if i was forced to look normal. Like asgore from undertale. Everyone's got their own definitions of beauty, mine is very very strange. I hate to be assumptuous but yours might b very conventional which is ok too. Also i might be wrong because when i think conventional I genuinley think everyone wants to look like a bimbo which I fully support LMAO

I don't think I would choose to look like a bimbo (not that there's anything wrong with looking like one), but I do definitely have a conventional definition of beauty.

This thread actually made me realize that most of my hangups about being a woman are about the way I think society and especially men might treat me. I don't think I would like much of the extra attention that being a woman might bring. I would certainly be nervous about men who might be too persistent and wouldn't take no for an answer, and the threat of sexual violence. If men and women were truly equal and were treated the same then it would be a lot easier to choose in the hypothetical scenario where I could look like anything I wanted.

 

[$crim]

americas toxicity surrounding what the traditional female role entails, and the fact that subconscious misogyny is at play for decision-making to the federal level, i simply feel trapped when being considered afab by most individuals. and like many others mentioned, the threat of sexual violence, attention, etc. is absolutely terrifying. just for existing i have personally been at the recieving end of abuse both verbal and sexual/physical. identifying as a woman no matter your agab is fucking terrifying.

ive been trying a different identity as of recent though, as i feel being intergender (or simply nonbinary since its easier to explain) could possibly be a good fit for me.
but then again, i feel as though i should just... exist. dont think about labels, identity, or what i am or could be. its been a massive anxiety-inducing situation for me because it feels like im running on a hamster wheel trying to figure myself out, lmao

 

[leloyon]

It feels like making serious efforts to transition would just be a cope. I didn't get to grow up as a girl, to live the average human experience in the way I want and I cannot change that with any hormones or surgery.

 

[hrsprayqn]

Nothing, I'm out as a trans woman and been on HRT for four months.

Dysphoria is crippling most of the time, and honestly transitioning doesn't entirely remove the feeling either. Sure, sometimes it helps, bit other times I absolutely hate myself and am virtually always actively suicidal.

Plus, the open murder of a trans child here in the UK recently is a pretty horrible climate rn

 

[Ashu]

Not everyone is interested in the same things. To each their own: this is civilization.

 

[WellDefinedChin]

Nothing. I know myself intimately, more than anybody else I know. There is nothing new to discover about myself. I'm just your average dude suffering from average problems. But the biggest problem I have is that I'm self-aware. I vividly remember the years where I wasn't, and things seemed so magical. Now things all conform to some discoverable patterns, and all I have new to experience in life is getting really damn old. At least I'll get to see the newer generations performing the same acts as every generation before them, and having my beliefs verified. That however is wrong, because life is the most unpredictable no matter how assure you may be.

 

[Myforevercharlie]

Erhm... nothing?

Born as a female, happy to be one.

Or do I understand your question wrong?

 

[ScottPilgram]

Erhm... nothing?

Born as a female, happy to be one.

Or do I understand your question wrong?

Nah if ur happy with how u r I'm cool with that. This post isn't here to sell you something, it's more for those who want to be something else but are afraid to express it

Not everyone is interested in the same things. To each their own: this is civilization.

i agree :3

Nothing, I'm out as a trans woman and been on HRT for four months.

Dysphoria is crippling most of the time, and honestly transitioning doesn't entirely remove the feeling either. Sure, sometimes it helps, bit other times I absolutely hate myself and am virtually always actively suicidal.

Plus, the open murder of a trans child here in the UK recently is a pretty horrible climate rn

yeah i was talkin more in terms of "In A pErFecT wOrLd" as a trans person I'm aware of the current climate which is why i was like in a society thats perfect what would you want.

americas toxicity surrounding what the traditional female role entails, and the fact that subconscious misogyny is at play for decision-making to the federal level, i simply feel trapped when being considered afab by most individuals. and like many others mentioned, the threat of sexual violence, attention, etc. is absolutely terrifying. just for existing i have personally been at the recieving end of abuse both verbal and sexual/physical. identifying as a woman no matter your agab is fucking terrifying.

ive been trying a different identity as of recent though, as i feel being intergender (or simply nonbinary since its easier to explain) could possibly be a good fit for me.
but then again, i feel as though i should just... exist. dont think about labels, identity, or what i am or could be. its been a massive anxiety-inducing situation for me because it feels like im running on a hamster wheel trying to figure myself out, lmao

Intergender sounds extremly interesting. Def diff from nonbinary but I understand fully wanting to make it simpilar for others to understand. I use like 20 diff labels but i call myself a nonbinary lesbian for simplicities sake.
tbh no label/not thinking about it is fair too!!!

 

[Forever Sleep]

Actually, I'd say I feel fairly authentic. I am female biologically but I don't identify with many females culturally. I actually HATE femininity- I think it was designed to make us weak- skirts, corsets, high heels, underwired bras, make up- it's all very impractical for doing anything practical! Of course- women also use all that to their advantage now to take advantage of men- pretty privilege.

Perhaps it's partly jealousy- I never had much raw material to work with to be like that- still- I'm not entirely sure I'd want to be. I tried once when I had a ridiculous crush on someone and I did feel more confident- society treats you better when you conform. Still- I've seen the (unwanted) attention attractive women get and I think I'm better off without it.

Biologically speaking- I don't enjoy being female. Menstruation is a bitch and utterly pointless for women like me- who haven't had children. That said- I'm not at odds with my gender. I feel so sorry for people who are dysphoric.

Deep down though- I'm a tom boy with a very old fashioned heart. Thankfully- I'm allowed to express my tom boyish nature in this day and age. I think my family wanted me to be more feminine but they didn't force me into it.

As regards to sexuality and love though- all I have is my imagination. I have a VERY good imagination though- so I'm fine. I'm sure- had some miracle happened and I had gotten with any of the guys I had crushes on- it would have ended badly. I always loved the idea of romance when I was young- all that fairytale stuff. Still- I don't think real life is like that- I can't say I look at any couples and envy them- it just makes me value my independence more!

I think there's actually a great comfort in realising that you're probably better off alone and free to be your authentic self. That's me though. I'm happy for people who found 'the right one'. I just wonder how often it actually happens.

 

[blackwidow]

Nothing... I'm a woman.. Born a woman happy as a woman.. Nothing to explore

 

[5417807]

Nothing did stop me. I was raised without gender and didn't really conceptualise a difference between men and women as a kid because I was taught that your genitals don't define who you are or who you can be.
I have a strange relationship with gender because I was raised as whatever I wanted to be and not what I was born and was allowed to change and experiment with no repercussions or labels.
But to answer your question a little, i think I'd just be me. I'd like to have more masculine attributes or be skinnier but no one in my family is a very masculine man or skinny but also I think I'm old enough to be a peace with knowing my body will never look how I want it to so I have to set achievable goals with what my genetics can produce. I do vocal therapy to train my voice lower then any man in my family and I work out to be broader then any man in my family and I use hair growth treatments to grow hair better then any man in my family, etc. I just only ever set our achievable goals otherwise my body dysmorphic disorder would kill me more then it already does

 

[ScottPilgram]

Actually, I'd say I feel fairly authentic. I am female biologically but I don't identify with many females culturally. I actually HATE femininity- I think it was designed to make us weak- skirts, corsets, high heels, underwired bras, make up- it's all very impractical for doing anything practical! Of course- women also use all that to their advantage now to take advantage of men- pretty privilege.

Perhaps it's partly jealousy- I never had much raw material to work with to be like that- still- I'm not entirely sure I'd want to be. I tried once when I had a ridiculous crush on someone and I did feel more confident- society treats you better when you conform. Still- I've seen the (unwanted) attention attractive women get and I think I'm better off without it.

Biologically speaking- I don't enjoy being female. Menstruation is a bitch and utterly pointless for women like me- who haven't had children. That said- I'm not at odds with my gender. I feel so sorry for people who are dysphoric.

Deep down though- I'm a tom boy with a very old fashioned heart. Thankfully- I'm allowed to express my tom boyish nature in this day and age. I think my family wanted me to be more feminine but they didn't force me into it.

As regards to sexuality and love though- all I have is my imagination. I have a VERY good imagination though- so I'm fine. I'm sure- had some miracle happened and I had gotten with any of the guys I had crushes on- it would have ended badly. I always loved the idea of romance when I was young- all that fairytale stuff. Still- I don't think real life is like that- I can't say I look at any couples and envy them- it just makes me value my independence more!

I think there's actually a great comfort in realising that you're probably better off alone and free to be your authentic self. That's me though. I'm happy for people who found 'the right one'. I just wonder how often it actually happens.

Personally the top part sounds a lot like internalized sexism but that's just my opinion. Not saying this in an accusatory bad way btw. I'm a weird person, I was on Testosterone for years but god do I love wearing dresses and crop tops and dressing in a million diff aethstetics. When I dress like a goth bimbo I feel so powerful LMAO. I don't think femininity makes someone weak, I think depending on the person it may make them strong. Not you, not me, but others. I do believe pretty privlage exists though, but sometimes being pretty brings very unwanted attention. Like on new years I did makeup and dressed in a sports bra and a skirt and a leather jacket (i wanted to be a hot leather lesbian </3) and everyone thought I was hot. Normally I am ugly and everyone treats me like shit. Anyways, I went to the gas station and some dude gave me super unwanted attention. It was me and him and no one else. He threatened me but thankfully someone pulled up and he backed off. Dude was majorly harassing me telling me im hot and i need a man and i said im a lesbian and he said he could fix that and he started to threaten me :D I was scared I didn't know what to do... I just kept laughin at the guy because thats what i do when im nervous. Anyways. Skirts and corsets are fun and have their place in a lot of subcultures. Man some of my punk friend's could really knock the shit out of anyone while wearing a corset. Sometimes I just wanna be a bimbo but like the legally blonde bimbo. And sometimes I want to be one of the lost boy's vampires.

Yeah comformity does bring ease. Sometimes scary, i see you get it. But it sounds like you've only dressed up for others, when I do that it's always for myself.

menstration will always suck true that LOL. T stopped mine , and then when I went off T my birth control implant stopped it. I'm glad you dont have dysphoria, shit sucks mega cactus cock.

ur so powerful, u rlly are. childfree is the way to be.

 

[Jarni]

Actually, I'd say I feel fairly authentic. I am female biologically but I don't identify with many females culturally. I actually HATE femininity- I think it was designed to make us weak- skirts, corsets, high heels, underwired bras, make up- it's all very impractical for doing anything practical! Of course- women also use all that to their advantage now to take advantage of men- pretty privilege.

Perhaps it's partly jealousy- I never had much raw material to work with to be like that- still- I'm not entirely sure I'd want to be. I tried once when I had a ridiculous crush on someone and I did feel more confident- society treats you better when you conform. Still- I've seen the (unwanted) attention attractive women get and I think I'm better off without it.

Biologically speaking- I don't enjoy being female. Menstruation is a bitch and utterly pointless for women like me- who haven't had children. That said- I'm not at odds with my gender. I feel so sorry for people who are dysphoric.

Deep down though- I'm a tom boy with a very old fashioned heart. Thankfully- I'm allowed to express my tom boyish nature in this day and age. I think my family wanted me to be more feminine but they didn't force me into it.

As regards to sexuality and love though- all I have is my imagination. I have a VERY good imagination though- so I'm fine. I'm sure- had some miracle happened and I had gotten with any of the guys I had crushes on- it would have ended badly. I always loved the idea of romance when I was young- all that fairytale stuff. Still- I don't think real life is like that- I can't say I look at any couples and envy them- it just makes me value my independence more!

I think there's actually a great comfort in realising that you're probably better off alone and free to be your authentic self. That's me though. I'm happy for people who found 'the right one'. I just wonder how often it actually happens.

Very similar to me And I have an artistic, creative personality too. In my chiodhood pretty all my friends were men and I played with cars. Never liked dolls and all girls' things. I did lots of professional sports and painted...

But I'm very attracted to men (sexually, mentally and intellectually), so I play the game. I bought lots of beautyful dresses etc, and didn't authorise to me to wear unisex and not beautyful clothes (I like very much beautyful things and fashion so it is not difficult). This and other tricks work well. The game is funny.

Internally, I don't understand gender things.

I consider myself like a human being.

Woman or man, just some hormones are different, it does not matter. It is a person that counts.

But I'd like to be a man only because it is much more simple : you don't have menstruations, don't have abusive partners and have much more chances to have a caring kind one, don't have to give birth and put your health and looks at a huge risk, more privileged in society and work and have more time to your hobbies, art, intellectual things....

 

[ThomasJ]

pretty sure I'm just cis, no matter how deeply I explore

 

[Forever Sleep]

Personally the top part sounds a lot like internalized sexism but that's just my opinion. Not saying this in an accusatory bad way btw. I'm a weird person, I was on Testosterone for years but god do I love wearing dresses and crop tops and dressing in a million diff aethstetics. When I dress like a goth bimbo I feel so powerful LMAO. I don't think femininity makes someone weak, I think depending on the person it may make them strong. Not you, not me, but others. I do believe pretty privlage exists though, but sometimes being pretty brings very unwanted attention. Like on new years I did makeup and dressed in a sports bra and a skirt and a leather jacket (i wanted to be a hot leather lesbian </3) and everyone thought I was hot. Normally I am ugly and everyone treats me like shit. Anyways, I went to the gas station and some dude gave me super unwanted attention. It was me and him and no one else. He threatened me but thankfully someone pulled up and he backed off. Dude was majorly harassing me telling me im hot and i need a man and i said im a lesbian and he said he could fix that and he started to threaten me :D I was scared I didn't know what to do... I just kept laughin at the guy because thats what i do when im nervous. Anyways. Skirts and corsets are fun and have their place in a lot of subcultures. Man some of my punk friend's could really knock the shit out of anyone while wearing a corset. Sometimes I just wanna be a bimbo but like the legally blonde bimbo. And sometimes I want to be one of the lost boy's vampires.

Yeah comformity does bring ease. Sometimes scary, i see you get it. But it sounds like you've only dressed up for others, when I do that it's always for myself.

menstration will always suck true that LOL. T stopped mine , and then when I went off T my birth control implant stopped it. I'm glad you dont have dysphoria, shit sucks mega cactus cock.

ur so powerful, u rlly are. childfree is the way to be.

I do agree with you- I think it's important to look the way you want to look for yourself rather than other people. You're absolutely right- I've only ever really done it to try to impress others.

Internalized sexism. Interesting- you might be right. I don't know. Plus- I do understand what you mean saying femininity can make other people feel strong. I guess- maybe because I've never really identified with that kind of image- it's just never really appealed to me. It wouldn't be authentic. Really- I'm naturally a very shy person. I tend to dress in a way that hopefully doesn't draw attention to me!

Still- each to their own.

 

[weex]

i think i would love to be someone who could switch genders without anyone noticing.
the idea of being a skinny man with his bones protruding is appealing but clothes fit better on my present body.
tbh i think making certain parts of my body an accessory would be ideal. i should be able to remove and fix them on particular days. a total of three bodies that i can switch between so that i don't go beyond the point of recognition.

 

[jodes2]

I've sometimes wondered if I'd have been happy being female. But I guess I'm attached to having a penis. I'm just jealous of being able to be as beautiful and sexy as a woman. But I'm certainly not getting a sex change that would not create a good outcome. I guess I just need to live with this body and identity.

 

[LunaXCBN]

I'm not mentally stable enough for this shit.
I'm still questioning whether I'm trans or non-binary, I can't tell at this point.

The whole topic of gender is so confusing.

 

[catowice]

Very good question!

Part internalized fear and toxicity from years of bad school friends, part because parents were technically not against but seemingly questions a lot, part for the culture of my current circle, part for self-doubts, part for communication problems that may have risen from any of the former items.

Mostly self-doubts and overthinking, but genders are so confusing when you dive into it that I start thinking about it solely for social reasons (i.e. you can dislike getting labels but you can't stop people from attempting to label you at some point in a certain conversation).

Information age is quite amazing, you can read so many stories these days. That eases up my dysphoria a little (idk if it's even correct to call it so), but does make way for a self-questioning problem.

If you were truely allowed to exist, who might you be?

I'd be someone who's stupid enough to not know any of these things throughout my life, or is born in an environment where these kind of things are easy. Can simplify to "is able to live in harmony with those around you"

 

[ScottPilgram]

I've sometimes wondered if I'd have been happy being female. But I guess I'm attached to having a penis. I'm just jealous of being able to be as beautiful and sexy as a woman. But I'm certainly not getting a sex change that would not create a good outcome. I guess I just need to live with this body and identity.

As a lesbian I have dated nonbinary people with penises and i've met trans woman who want to keep theirs. genitalia =/= gender :3

I'm not mentally stable enough for this shit.
I'm still questioning whether I'm trans or non-binary, I can't tell at this point.

The whole topic of gender is so confusing.

lmao FAIR... its hard. I started exploring when i was 13 and im 23 now. Shits a ride

Very good question!

Part internalized fear and toxicity from years of bad school friends, part because parents were technically not against but seemingly questions a lot, part for the culture of my current circle, part for self-doubts, part for communication problems that may have risen from any of the former items.

Mostly self-doubts and overthinking, but genders are so confusing when you dive into it that I start thinking about it solely for social reasons (i.e. you can dislike getting labels but you can't stop people from attempting to label you at some point in a certain conversation).

Information age is quite amazing, you can read so many stories these days. That eases up my dysphoria a little (idk if it's even correct to call it so), but does make way for a self-questioning problem.



I'd be someone who's stupid enough to not know any of these things throughout my life, or is born in an environment where these kind of things are easy. Can simplify to "is able to live in harmony with those around you"

you dont have to be stupid to flow like a river. might be a bumpy crazy river but its flowing.

 

[SleepWell]

My gender is null, but also many. It is freeing to allow myself to be as i am, to live as i wish. To move with the flow of my feelings. I am water. There's 100 genders, there are no genders. You can't have light without dark, you cant have the absence of god without also the idea of god. If the world did not keep transgender people afraid under the constant threat of violence, if we lived in a world without restrictive rules and morals weighing you down. If you were truely allowed to exist, who might you be? Who would I have the pleasure of meeting right now? Close your eyes, think a little. Type it out.

I'm a guy, at least I think I am. Sometimes I think "Hmm maybe I'm straight" and then I find another dude attractive like I'd hold hands with them attractive. I guess the penetrating, judging, gaze of family is stopping me. Wouldn't want their only child to not continue the family tree.

 

[Next-to-Nil]

Because I'm too attractive to risk ruining it with a sex change and going full male just to have the genitals that come with it seems like overdoing it a pinch.