What's preventing you from CTB?

[moonmoon]

First time lurker, long time suicidal person, lol. I see a lot of people on here ready to CTB but still holding back. Wanted to know other people's hesitations.

I'll go first. Everytime I think about how I'll miss smoking weed, doing DXM, trying shrooms, or taking acid and it makes me cry. I love to get high and listen to music, play instruments, and/or draw. I have everything I need to CTB bookmarked, but I am too weak/cowardly to go through with it yet.

Hope everyone is having a good night.

 

[kipper]

Mostly lack of accessible methods. I dont live alone and cant drive or go anywhere else without raising suspicions either.

 

[Ryemi]

Idk...

 

[兎の耳]

Hard to obtain supplies for any of the less painful/likely to fail methods.

Also my cat loves me and depends on me and I feel like the people I'm close to will blame themselves.

 

[Stormy Raine]

I'm just waiting to die naturally because I'm afraid hell is real lol. I have a birthday coming soon and the thoughts are getting very loud again and I'm afraid I'll soon answer. I can't imagine another birthday, I'd hate the thought of doing another year of this. The only thing holding me back is I want to write a biography of my life for my kids and tell them my life story and finally the truth. So idk if I can wait that long??

 

[leftvoid]

It's mainly my family.
I currently live with my family, and I cannot stand the thought of my mom finding my body. Now, I can't say that thought will forever hold me from CTB but it's holding me for now.

 

[venomousSSërpent74]

I lack access to my methods right now and know its not the time yet.also the religous aspect of it the afterlife heaven and hell but eventually after i actually go through with it i guess none of that matters.

 

[Rev346]

Kids, wife, and pets. I have to find a way to make sure they're taken care of after I'm gone which is actually harder than just living...

 

[leavingthesoultrap]

I don't have everything ready yet.

 

[huphup]

I honestly fear that my method won't work out or that I am doing the morally "wrong thing". Also that things will somehow get better, even though I don't know how

 

[BlockHammer]

I haven't made a propper assesment about my life, the one thing i want to experience is getting a job which i don't have right now. But if i have a job already and my assesment about my life have a bad result, then im going to used ctb methode that have been provided in this site

 

[Abyssal]

Welcome to SaSu!

Everyone has different reasons for being here, mine is first that I've half assed all my past attempts (knowingly or not) so I'm obviously still here, I'm waiting on SN to arrive to ensure I'll ctb, and lastly I am waiting it out through my own will because I promised myself I'd make it past April.

Hope you find what are looking for from SaSu, don't be afraid to share your thoughts and experiences as well as make use of our recovery section.

 

[moonmoon]

I honestly fear that my method won't work out or that I am doing the morally "wrong thing". Also that things will somehow get better, even though I don't know how

I hope it does get better for you. I think you deserve it <3

 

[TheShadowKing]

I'm scared I'll fail again

 

[huphup]

I hope it does get better for you. I think you deserve it <3

Thank you, even if that includes CTBing haha, sending you well wishes as well :)

 

[Lookoutbelow]

SI

 

[Darkover]

access to what's needed

 

[Aim]

In the past it has for the most part been coming to terms with leaving. Finding a peaceful method.

 

[@siniy_cat]

Mainly it's not having access to SN, because I live in Germany and every other method seems way to dangerous if I happen to survive or to painful.
After reading this thread I also got worried about an afterlife, even though I'm not religious at all lol

 

[EyeBeyond]

Fear

 

[USER80709]

My parents

 

[FuneralCry]

In my case it's the fact that suicide methods are either inaccessible or risky, I despise how we exist in this hellish world where suicide isn't seen as a valid option, it's horrifying how despite all the suffering the option of a peaceful and guaranteed way to die on our own terms is a privilege only reserved for animals.

 

[DV.Aston55]

My siblings and the fear of failing

 

[lightnings]

Fear of possible brain damage related to partial suspension method and difficulty finding the right source for SN

 

[elbetbirgün]

I'm lost at this point when it comes to answering this question, not from outside but inside, everyday ends and starts with the aforementioned thought and questioning, "why i'm even trying - just end it" yet i find myself moving forward with the each passing day of course with the burden of this thought.

One side of me knows because i failed at the first time i tried, and I'm still recovering from that - even failing in attempting to finish everything makes you feel misarable, a literal shit of earth who couldn't even manage to do one single task properly.

I think found a "feeling", while being a toxic and draining one at that, in this misery. My self-hatred filled disgusting life turned into a self-pitying hellhole that i find myself deserving to live - this what i get for being me, so, in a sense i live in my own version of hell that i think i deserve, therefore killing myself as a punishment turned into a easy way to runaway from myself, and i think i'm still trying to prove myself i can witheld, i can stand to all of this, but i dont know how longer this'll go on.

 

[Orange Cat]

Mainly a fear of the unknown.

 

[princejohnny]

Fear mainly. But the real reason is my favorite artist is making a new album and I would like to hear it and see her in concert before I go. It's the only thing that keeps me going.

 

[Trakehner]

Lack of any reliable method and the fear of another failed attempt

 

[lostinmythoughts]

I can't find SN in the US

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think it would devastate my Dad. Beyond that- fear. Fear of the process- pain. Fear of failing the attempt and ending up in an even worse state.