
Versailles
Enlightened
- Oct 1, 2020
- 1,652
Nothing, literally i`m near the mental collapse
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Same!!!This.
Cannot describe it better, althought I'm not really sure I'm sane.
My birthday is at the end of this week, also 30s with adhd, isolating and all. It really isn't very fun...Today was my birthday, I'm in my mid 30s. I spent all day lying on the couch thinking about how fucked I am because of my mental health. I've isolated myself, haven't talked to my friends in over a year but they still reach out for some reason. I sometimes don't leave my house for weeks because I'm just overwhelmed with anxiety and depression. What hurts the most right now is that I went back to school and just finished recently, spent the last 2 years of my life busting my ass because college and ADHD is tough and now I'm too depressed and anxious to work. I initially had a long term plan to ctb, but I didn't think my birthday would mess me up like it has. I'm strongly considering making it happen right now, which means it's not going to be pretty. I can't even sleep it off because I won't be able to sleep at all.
ive never really been "sane", tho i usually tried to pretend to be for a while, but i got tired of pretending. tf even is "sanity"? tf is "insanity"? just made up words. if i am insane, so what? whats wrong with being insane?holding on to solo night walks and cigarettes before ctb.
if i am insane, so what? whats wrong with being insane?
Yeah, me too. You're the only people I can talk to right now. Honestly, if it weren't for SaSu, I'd probably be back trying to drink myself to death again.This site
Love the insert of "burgers". Haha. I'm a burgermeister, too.Morphine, antidepressants, burgers and computing. Paradoxically my 'healthy obsession' with computers and programming is keeping me sane.
Oh yes. Hitting the pleasure button, stimulating the dopamine. Yep, My rod of delight is on overtime.Masturbating to forget about my miserable life for 10-15 minutes.
I found a couple of books online abt astral projection, as I'd like to travel as far away from the gross material as possible--or at least as far from being a corporeal being while travelling to other dimensions possible. Reading PARALLEL WORLDS by Michio Kaku, the physicist, as well.nothing. i dissociate and distract myself from realising i exist. i wish i could do solo night walks that sounds like such a beautiful thing. but that would remind me too much of memories i have of walking at night back when i was actually living.