Discussion What's keeping you here... (for now)?

[noctiva]

I have ordered Christmas presents for my loved ones I leave behind. I want to pick them up from the post, wrap them nicely. That's all I have left to do.

 

[L-L]

I think similar to most people the short and simple answer is guilt.

But, I don't think that one little word does justice to the turmoil of thoughts and emotions that come with it. I'm sure I'm not alone in having the idea of catching the bus on my mind for the majority of my waking hours, constantly thinking that I should or shouldn't do it because of the people around me and always arriving back with the same, somewhat rhetorical, question of "How long can a person go on living out of guilt for others?" This is inevitably followed by rationalism and negativity outlining reasons why I should go through with it. I see it as an argument that's been heading towards the inevitable for the last 15 years or so.

 

[CarefulWithThatAxe]

I'm staying alive for my dog she needs me but that is it nothing else.

 

[Crystal Labeija]

My family and friends. I don't want to cause them any pain.

 

[Final Escape]

I still have roof over my head. There's small pleasures. But when it gets bad I'll probably go.

 

[BridgeJumper]

Art and my cowardice

 

[ReadyToMeetMyMaker]

waiting on my meto to arrive...then i will book my hotel room and proceed with the SN method.

 

[Essence]

My best mate ( dog ) has cancer, and has anywhere from 3-12 months to live. I can never contemplate leaving him, especially now. He changed my life for the better. Also a few loved ones.

 

[noctiva]

My best mate ( dog ) has cancer, and has anywhere from 3-12 months to live. I can never contemplate leaving him, especially now. He changed my life for the better. Also a few loved ones.

I hear you, I was never as mentally well as when I had my dog. He really helped me, just by being with me. I think it's wonderful that you will not abandon him on his last journey.

 

[Throwawaysoul]

My cats.

 

[Isittimetogonola]

After today, absolutely nothing.

 

[Soulless_Angel]

After today, absolutely nothing.

whats happened? :(

 

[Isittimetogonola]

Just realized that my purpose here is finally at an end. I have had the joy to see my best friend move past her impending divorce and be with someone who is not narcissistic. In that, I dont want to be a packaged deal with any of her new girlfriends. I believe now my usefulness has come to a close. All my letters are complete, over the next few days, I will prep my list for after I am gone. I have acquired all items for my method. And that concludes the show.

 

[BPD Barbie]

I lost any guts I had to actually go through with it.

 

[AcornUnderground]

Fear and guilt (children).

 

[faust]

This month I simply do not plan to go anywhere.
But a huge influence can make a lockdown of course.
No lift - no CTB.

 

[PoisonedJuliet]

Fear of being found by someone I care about and a friend. Also a promise I made to someone

 

[palebluedot]

My amazing therapist. but I only have him for three more weeks and then I'm graduating, and since he works at my school, I won't be able to be ethically treated by him anymore. I plan to ctb right after our last session and hope that he never finds out

 

[muffin222]

Indecision

 

[Aap]

Cleaning up any messes I've made to the best of my ability to avoid loved ones having to deal with it.

 

[astro]

Hope that things will somehow return to normal or atleast get significantly better. It's optimism bias I guess. The problem is that with my current cognitive issues it's very hard to make decisions... I'd have to get worse to the point that I couldn't handle the suffering anymore or better to the point that I could think clearly again to ctb.

 

[Koaster97]

The potential to find a significant other and that things might change. Also lack of easy methods.

 

[terry_a_davis]

Family

 

[Remember to forget]

Family

My family are the only reason I am still here, I would have been gone many years ago without them.

 

[Rue89]

The only thing that's kept me here is that I haven't had time alone to ctb. I might have an opportunity next week.

 

[MissKatrina]

The only thing that's kept me here is that I haven't had time alone to ctb. I might have an opportunity next week.

Literally this is me. I don't have the house to myself for 3 1/2 weeks and it's excruciatingly painful. I've unexpectedly got the house free right now and it's so difficult to not attempt. I've eaten so it's risky and I promised someone I would talk to them end of May to say goodbye.

 

[Walilamdzi]

My family are the only reason I am still here, I would have been gone many years ago without them.

 

[GoBack]

I don't know. I kept going for my family for half my life, and friends. Now I'm cut off or on bad terms with them. They know I've tried it again lately and it's like a game of cat and mouse, when will I be put in hospital again. Surely they be better off, I feel like a joke a failure. I know it be hard on them, but watching me self destruct can't be any better. In and out of hospital is no easier on them than me esp when I usually come out worse off.

My problems are/were fairly simple. Just needed time to figure some stuff out. But was sent off into the psych system where 'teams' slowly tore me apart till I've little self respect left. Whatever could be salvaged fast disappearing . I really just want to leave them all in peace.

Can't move away, complicated financially, so what other option is left.

 

[Negrathecat]

Somewhere deep inside of me I am holding on to hope....does anyone else think that things can get better?

 

[GoBack]

Not for me, but if you have hope then hold on to that. It's like a candle inside, keep it lit and you never know