Discussion What's keeping us?

[termination2434]

Most of us agree we all want to get to the end of this life thing and escape this purgatory. Yet, we're all still here. We're all still here on this forum, meaning we having taken our exit yet. Has anybody wondered what the reason for that is? For me, I think the fact that I've realized I'm only destined to continue self-sabotaging my own life plays apart. Obviously it's part of the reason I wanna ctb to begin with, but I also feel like in trying to do so, I'll fuck that up too and end up suffering worse physically than I already am mentally. I also think I have a fomo. I don't stick around because my family love me and would be devastated if I left or any of the other guilt-tripping bullshit we've all heard 1000 times. Instead I think something that is holding me back is that I would never see the aftermath and people's reactions. Does the LOML even really give a fuck about me anymore? Would the very few so-called "friends" I have ever be concerned after they stopped hearing from me? Would people discover my SS posts essentially as some kind of manifesto for my end or a goodbye letter? I hope not, I've used an alternate email and a random password to prevent that. Would my family honor my specific wishes of not having any type of funeral or memorial? Or would I just vanish away into forgottenness and everybody continues? A big part of me definitely wants that, don't get me wrong. But I guess the small bit of humanity I have left still wants to know that the person I care about still cares about me, and that those around me at least respected me enough to obey my wishes in death.

I think another big part of my reason for still being here is the fact that I truly don't want to take matters into my own hands. I want to get to the end, but I don't necessarily WANT to ctb by my own means. I've just gotten to the point where I feel like I have to. I can't take this torment anymore, but I just can't quite convince myself to call it quits either. I hope at least one person here that stumbles across this can relate. Once again, wishing peace for all, however you may find it.

 

[Carrot]

I just fear physical pain or ending up locked in a mental hospital.

It's that simple in my case.

 

[itsgone2]

I fully elate.
I've wanted out for so long. It's time. It's been time. Beyond it.
Mostly I'm afraid. It hurts. People will be devastated. SI messes with you. It's all awful. And sometimes my body just shuts down. More SI I'm sure.
Nice post op

 

[90377lethe]

I just fear physical pain or ending up locked in a mental hospital.

It's that simple in my case.

I feel the same way. I'm too scared of being in pain.

I also have a weird fear of the nothingness of death. It's hard to explain. I've thought about it a lot & tried to understand it. I've never spoken about it before.

 

[BlueberryDeer]

Sincerely, I procrastinate my own suicide. Really.
I'm so consumed by the procrastination and the laziness that I barely doing the basic functional things to keep my current work.
I suppose that the day I lose my current job and the severance ends, I'll do it without regretting.
But I'm trying to enjoy the last days of my life, even if I didn't achieve anything relevant.

 

[Insufficent]

I need to sort out my financial situation to a point where other people doesn't have to figure ton of shit out.
After it I write a will for my ex wife who's time i wasted many years.
OR
This gym program I'm starting at next month end up being a success and I can chisel this disgusting fleshprison into something less of an eyesore. Get confidence and find myself a woman. But this plan seems to be more of a pipedream than anything else due to the fact that I'm closer to 40 than 35.

 

[telekon]

i would really like to achieve something meaningful before i go

 

[ravendrops]

I'm broke and homeless. I just a reliable method. I need a gun.

 

[termination2434]

i would really like to achieve something meaningful before i go

Really hope you can accomplish or achieve whatever it is you want and find you peace.

 

[L.D.50]

whats stopping me right now is simply just no money,
I made a plan and had everything set on it but some unfortunate circumstances came up and now im broke.
cant afford the drugs I needed despite having accsess so I settled on hanging myself instead.
which really sucks because it was the last resort for me, I still have a tramua response so anytime I try it I start to panic. I had to come up with this fucked up exposure therapy so I would stop panicking anytime something restrained my neck.
my ideal suicide would to be to get fucked up on as many things I could, (heroin, oxy, fent, anything) and just give my body to a lake.

 

[h4ppyhypoxia]

timing, im moving out next month, can get my nitrogen exit set up with no questions asked, have no risk of interruption, its hard but im making myself endure until the end of next month so i can have a clean of an exit as possible