What's keeping me around

[ctbsd24]

I feel like I could have/should have ctb'd years ago but I'm being pulled in three directions in my mind: (1) the desire to ctb; (2) the guilt over leaving behind friends/family/pets who would never understand my decision; and (3) a weirder guilt over abandoning responsibilities in my professional life. I'm totally nuts lol.

 

[TennTrixie]

I get this, except #3. I got over that professional life guilt lol

 

[Tired_of_myself]

the #2 really gets me, i feel like this can traumatize my family and wife…
My #3 would be fear of doing something wrong and survive… one time i took too many pills and went parcially blind and deaf for weeks of the intoxication and it was really scared… the plan has to be perfect and this scares me