i got terrorized as a child and spent my childhood crying because of abuses and humiliation but i dont really care that much for im completely ok with all that pain that i taste everyday
i got belittled so much and never had anything of quality in my life, my own parents who were supposed to unconditionally love me and contribute in the human's evolution through me has unconditionally enslaved me and sabotaged my every effort, my education my immigration plans and my mother did also destroy my life by making my psychologists misdiagnose my illnesses and hate me because she convinces everyone with her hypocrisy that she loves me so much and does everything for me but im a self sabotaging person and asks everyone to sympathize me(actually driving them to disrespect me and ignore whatever i say infront of my mother's pathetic personality because they want to make me a man that takes care of my poor mother while actually im the only man in this family that knows how to take care of himself and others without being toxic and reflect negatively on others) this actually had a most fatal impact on me recently since the doctor that supervised me on the psychward that also happens to manage the hospital's misdiagnose and new disrespect towards me after being with my mother for a few minutes he started to look on me like a pile of meat while long ago he scolded her for being a hypocritical bitch but this time i was no longer seeking to suicide so he just went along with emotions towards my mother, and the problem is that now im wanted by the government to serve in the syrian army while im actually mentally unfit for service since i turn into a psycho when i get controlled, so good job for her she has successfully made probably the only person in the entire country that actually has the rarest attributes leadership/alpha traits reach a dead end
all the misery i went through on my life do not matter to me as i know the cure, my cure is to seek perfections by every aspect, maintain healthy life style and be self-sufficient eventually turning myself into the inspiration everyone seeks advice from, nothing that i cant do already, i still have no future if im to remain in syria and apparently there are not many humans on earth that have a motive in helping someone that sounds like a competitor with so much potential and ambition like myself, thats really how psychological evolution works so even though i hold the ability to cure depressive feelings when they come and know how to live a life worth living out of mine, i probably am going to end up killing myself to protect myself against those that try to use me for i was never blessed with being born somewhere where humanity actually matter