Discussion What would you leave behind when you ctb?

[swab]

I've seen this video on youtube about a Korean cleaning service that cleans up after people have passed in their homes (mostly from suicides). He collects momentos of that person and gives it to the people that cared about them if there were any.
It made me think about something and I was curious how some of you felt about it.

If you had the choice to leave belongings/momentos behind after cbt'ing, would you? It could be suicidenotes, diaries, photo's or even the ways you've coped with this struggle. It can also just be items that show how you were in your daily life. And perhaps maybe the reason behind it? Some reasons could simply be to be remembered or to be completely forgotten. To explain why you made that choice or some other reasons.

Personally I feel torn on removing everything that was pointing towards me being suicidal since I fear that if I do cbt then my siblings could be putting the blame on themselves or my parents and bring their relationship further apart. I even thought about removing everything that was personal to me since I wish to be forgotten completely and maybe it will help for them to move on.
On the other hand I kind of want to explain my reasons to them. A little part of me even wants to be an asshole and put the blame on my environment and the people within it. Sometimes I also thought about sending it to people I no longer talk to anymore because I ruined the relationship to tell them why I made those choises or maybe for them to remember me. That too feels like a bastard move but it crossed my mind. That's a little summary of my answer.

 

[FML_]

Personally I want to leave nothing behind when I CTB. I've already gotten rid of alot of stuff... I just don't want to lose face by letting anyone know about all of the problems that drove me to do it

 

[Un-]

I don't have the privilege of being loved, much less.. Y'know.. So I wouldn't leave anything behind. There'd be no one to receive it. Sigh..

 

[Achlys]

I would leave behind a note and a ring. Since my birth, my mother wore the ring, as have I since her death. It is my vain hope that my sister could find some semblance of peace in the wake of my death by donning it herself.

In the past, I too have pondered whether I should bother placing blame on others in my note. It is a troubling decision. On the one hand, a note should capture one's sincerest feelings. It would be much too suffocating to abstain after all. And yet, to place blame on another with one's final words is a heavy burden to bear for both parties. I have also questioned whether I should even bother offering the slightest of attention to those who have slighted me. Personally, as long as I decided the blame worthy and well-placed, I would have few qualms revealing it in my note.

However, there is little for me to consider nowadays since the only one to blame for my eventual suicide would be myself.

In the end, I hope you write whatever leaves you most at peace (whether that makes you an 'asshole' or not).

 

[swab]

I don't have the privilege of being loved, much less.. Y'know.. So I wouldn't leave anything behind. There'd be no one to receive it. Sigh..

I'm sorry to hear that. Not sure if you're spiritual in any sort of way (I'm not one myself) but know how ancient egyptians left certain belongings to their grave. When they come into the afterlife they receive those items to continue their journey. You can be your sole companion. I don't know if this responds made sense or was of any use, but it is something to think about. You can still be the one to receive it perhaps. Sorry again for this response.

 

[mjosjueiowl]

I am considering writing a short memoir and some photos of my family, loved ones, myself and uploading them to archive.org where it will be stored for decades or even longer.

 

[FuneralCry]

I think that I would personally see it as a good idea to leave a note so those left behind have some explanation and it might act as a form of closure, meaning that they are not left with unanswered questions. I do think that those left behind would never really be able to understand no matter what I wrote though, words cannot really describe my feelings towards existence. Apart from that, there would be nothing else. I live such an empty and meaningless existence, and my life is very insignificant.

 

[hellispink]

I am planning to leave someone access to my writings and poems. I have wrote enough content for various books to be published. I want them to share my thoughts and other stories I have come out with others. They will stay with the commissions since I would be gone.

 

[castler]

I don't own anything worth leaving behind. I'll just leave my bod and if someome wants that as a momento. They can have it.

 

[neverbeenbetter]

i have nothing to leave and no one to leave it for