what would you do if you were me

[sick.faery]

btw i'm drunk so if this is weird or i say anything incoherent you know why

so anyways i'm a 22yo girl, dropped out of high school in 10-11th grade (only completed like 3 months of each), never went to uni, never had a job, havent had a friend or talked to people in 3 years. only saving grace in my life is that my parents are rich. have apparently severe body dysmorphic disorder (been diagnosed by life 7+ ppl lol) ednos and ptsd (all diagnosed) and basically can't leave my house because of that. although i've been diagnosed by like loads of professionals even by doctor veal/veale (forgot how you spell his name) if you know who i'm talking about with bdd i can't function. to me if i'm anything less than pretty i have no interest in being alive. if you're average or ugly why live. i dont go in public ever, dont even show my face to family members in case i'm too average or ugly. haven't left my house in 4 years. have a deathly fear of going in public or seen by anyone in case i'm anything less than cute. can't do anyhting cos of that. i'm so sick of it; and terribly lonely. i want to be able to go oustide, have friends, bf etc but i can't. i have all the symptoms of everything but i'm still skeptical. i've gotten better since the last 7 months where i recognized that i'm probably not ugly and that i'm probably cute but i dont know for sure. i have no way of verifying that i havent already tried and hasnt given me concluse evidence if you know what i mean (people always tell girls even ugly ones they look good for ex). i'm so so tired of it and i'm also paranoid and terrifyed of aging especially if i'm actually too average or below so i want to end it all and i finally go a reliable method and a concrete plan for it. i cant take it anymore. that's the main reason i want to kms (the bdd thing) if you were in my place what would you do. would you kill yourself in case you dont look as good as you should or would you do something else?

i also have severe problems with food. i used to skinny but because i cant go outside cos of my appearance problems i cant do anything. so i have no entertainement aside from netflix & eating; thankfully i'm just borderline almost overweight bmi wise not oveweight yet. but i'm damn close. aside fromn thinking about my face or my age (i'm real insecure about it) i think about my body and weight and calories and stuff. its so hard now and ruins my life also

also have ptsd (not self diagnosed) from teenage sex shit and it obviously impacts my life lol

if you were me would you die? if not what would you do? if you think i can live help

 

[FuneralCry]

For me personally the human body will always be a disgusting flesh prison no matter what it looks like, I would never want to endure existence under any circumstances as I don't really see the appeal to existing, we are just waiting to die anyway so I don't see the point to suffering so unnecessarily just to decay from old age, existing is just meaningless and futile, and I will always prefer the sound of eternal non-existence, the only thing that's ideal for me is finally being free from this horrible world.

But if you want to ctb then that's up to you, other people aren't in the same situation as you so I don't understand the need to ask, I think that most people's wish to die isn't really related to looks, mine isn't at all, so only you can answer the question. But if you really want life advice or something like that, judging by the last sentence, then that's why the "recovery" section exists on here.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm sorry what you have to go through. Nobody here can tell you whether you should die or live. That's your own decision, nobody can help you with that here. Well, if you don't like how you look like you could do sth to change that. I know that doesn't solve your urgent "problems" but I'd suggest to seek help first to find out about the source and reason for your problems. If nothing helps in the end you can always consider CTB but this should be your ultimate decision as there is no return after it's successful. I wish you all the best!

 

[m1v]

You're certainly caught up in a difficult situation, but hang in there. Is it really because of bdd/ your apparence that drives you suicidal? What's the trigger of your suicidality exactly? We're in the suicide discussion, which wouldn't be ideal to suggest silly stuff, nonetheless, have you tried doing makeup? Let me tell you, it helps when going outside (for me at least) and I'm pretty sure you'll look cute with it. Well, who doesn't? I'm extremely anxious myself when going into public spaces and I barely go out as well, it's too scary.

I personally think there's still hope. I can't decide what I would do if I were you, but I can definitely put myself in your shoes, and it's tough. To answer your question; It depends on if you're currently at your limit at trying to fight what ur going through. If you still have the stamina though, there might be a chance. Whatever happens, stay strong. Good luck xx

 

[SexyIncél]

Nice thing about being on the cusp of nonexistence: beginning to see that this world should be for your amusement & entertainment. (Which can be moral, certainly.) What matters is how you see others

People who do this tend to become disturbingly attractive. Unnerving. It's like an escape hatch from the usual focus on looks. Guess people like a bit o' the psychopath (or at least antihero) in others. As long as they have a code

As for skinny vs voluptuous... skinny girls often envy the voluptuous girls, and the voluptuous envy the skinny. Forget the rigged game

 

[Aisley]

We all have this disease where we hate what we have, and can never be content. Even like super hot chicks hate their noses or some stupid shit like that- our capacity for self-hatred knows no bounds.
I've said this before, but beauty is a word that guages how pleasing of a fuck-hole you could be. But that probably didn't make it past the first wall, your hatred is just too layered. So here's this: get past it quick, like right now. You can pick it back up in your thirties if you want, but right now, at 22, you're at the current height of your fuckability. Clock's a ticking, and if you make it to your thirties, then you really will regret having spent your twenties like this.

 

[sick.faery]

You're certainly caught up in a difficult situation, but hang in there. Is it really because of bdd/ your apparence that drives you suicidal? What's the trigger of your suicidality exactly? We're in the suicide discussion, which wouldn't be ideal to suggest silly stuff, nonetheless, have you tried doing makeup? Let me tell you, it helps when going outside (for me at least) and I'm pretty sure you'll look cute with it. Well, who doesn't? I'm extremely anxious myself when going into public spaces and I barely go out as well, it's too scary.

I personally think there's still hope. I can't decide what I would do if I were you, but I can definitely put myself in your shoes, and it's tough. To answer your question; It depends on if you're currently at your limit at trying to fight what ur going through. If you still have the stamina though, there might be a chance. Whatever happens, stay strong. Good luck xx

(before i said anything i'm drunk so if anything i say is weird or incoherent than you know why)
yea it's mainly the looks stuff that makes me want to die, to me if you're a girl and you're not pretty especially if your below average you should die. its not just that though, even if i'm pretty i'd still maybe me suicidal. but yea that's the main thing. the thing me for is that i was diagnosed with body dysmorphic disorder many times (its a thing were you see a features or mutliple features as way uglier than they really are) but i'm not 100% sure the doctors arent lying to keep me from ktbing and stuff and i dont know what version of my face is real, makeup or not. what i see in the mirror and pics depends on my mood, how i believe i looka nd many other things. sometimes i look really hot, sometimes i look like a monster

 

[RobZed]

Sex appeal and beauty are two wholly different things; that sadly get conflated.

Things can be sexy without being beautiful (porn, strip clubs,) and be beautiful without being sexy (the northern lights, fresh snowfall.)

The most beautiful creature ive ever seen was an orangutan at the toronto zoo. It swung down from its perch with a quiet grace and locked eyes with me before quietly jumping away. Sexy? OFC not. Beautiful? I dont have words for that experience

Everything in this world has a capacity to be beautiful. Sex appeal is a fleeting desire. Persue beauty and you will be much happier in life

 

[Jolene79]

I know it's different depending on other things but most of us get older and don't give two shits about our appearance or how attractive we are anymore. It's intensely difficult when you're young. I was obsessed by feeling ugly when young. As I got older I realised how unimportant it all was ( not undermining your feelings at all). It's so hard being young in some ways.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

Not ctb.

 

[angel31]

I am so sorry life has led u to this point. I obv. dont know ur feelings, but if u arent 100% sure if u rlly want to ctb, dont. U hopefully still can turn ur life around. But don't take advise on if u should ctb or not from random people on the internet, u have to find that out by urself. I hope everything works out the way u want it to, whatever u choose to do.
If u ever want to talk, just PM me, ill answer as soon as I see ur message
Sending u some digital hugs