Discussion What would you do if you knew the person you loved the most was going to ctb?

[Soapie]

We all claim to be pro-choice here, but to be entirely honest, if someone I knew and loved deeply was going to ctb, I think I'd try to stop them. I want to say I'd respect their choice but.. I dunno. I think the fact that I know them so well and I can really work with them to live a better life would maybe drive me to prevent it. Is that selfish? What would you do?

 

[orange]

I'd volunteer for a double suicide lmfao

 

[Simba]

Good question. If something like that ever happened to me ,irregardless of me feeling sad about the situation ,id still respect the persons choice because keeping a person who doesnt even want to live no more i think its a bit selfish in a way idk.. like not selfish selfish.. i dunno how to explain tbh :/

 

[nrotc]

Please let him/her go. Do NOT stand in their way. I smile everyday. I act like a happy person, when in fact I am dying inside. I attempted suicide before and unfortunately I lived to see what my sister and my brother had to go through so I can see the situation from your perspective. But if you really love someone, would you rather them live in agony or die in peace? I am sure you want them to not to suffer. Sometimes the only way to end suffering is to end it all. So please let them go and try to be as nice as possible to them in their last days.

 

[FuneralCry]

We all have the right to exit this world at a time of our choosing. If someone chooses to ctb then it is their life, their decision and nobody else has any say in it. I would respect their decision.

 

[motel rooms]

I think the fact that I know them so well and I can really work with them to live a better life would maybe drive me to prevent it. Is that selfish? What would you do?

It isn't selfish to offer the person concrete help, everything else is ultimately useless.

 

[dreadpirateroberts69]

I'd volunteer for a double suicide lmfao

same, I'd say we should make a suicide pact. Would be 1000 times better than dying alone too

 

[porhtna]

I do think it's a selfish thing to not want your loved one to go, but at the same time it's okay/valid to feel this way. I even think it's okay to express that to your loved ones, that you love them and don't want them to go. But I'd say don't stop them or stand in their way. Put in your opinions and feelings but the decision is ultimately theirs to make.
A friend of mine said such things to me, that although she knew it was selfish, she didn't want me to go. She didn't try to influence me with her way of thinking, nor did her sentiment sway me in any way, but I appreciate her deeply for what she said.

 

[Rogue Proxy]

I would completely respect and support their decision to end their life; ask them if there is anything I could to support them, and wish them a painless, peaceful departure.

 

[xcaramel]

I would want to go with them, and plead to them to not leave me behind by myself. :(

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

It really depends on their reasons… I don't think anybody here takes this decision lightly… If someone I loved were suffering chronic painful illness, Who am I to insist they continue suffering…?

 

[She Lost Her Way]

Oh my fucking God, that's one of my main fears. I would never, never ever move away from his side. I would do everythig I could to convince him that he is worth living and that there's at least one person who loves him. And if he decided to still go for it, I would hold him in my arms and make sure it went as smoothly as possible, I would make sure he was at peace. And then hopefully die myself.

 

[SunnyPotato]

Providing I've tried to connect them to all possible resources to improve their situation, yeah.... I'd be like pls get enough N for us both and let's not have to spend our final moments alone

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

Having been on the receiving end of this from one of my most cherished people, there's nothing we can do but offer them genuine love and support. I've sat and talked with my best friend through a couple of his attempts, and I knew in those moments there was nothing I could do but promise I would stay by his side and hear him out no matter what.

On the other side of the coin, when I felt that it was my time to go, my best friend told another friend of mine and had the police called on me. This traumatized me immensely to the point where I feel like I can no longer trust people, lest I get threatened with psych jail. That instance taught me exactly what NOT to do when dealing with these situations.

I think if there's physically no way to improve their situation, the best thing you can do is listen to them with no judgement or act in the same manner you'd wish to be treated if the tables were turned.

Though, I often have intrusive daydreams about going out Romeo and Juliet style. I don't want to be alone when I pass on. So if it gets to the point of utter unbearableness for my lover, similar to my own circumstances, I would leave with them. Because I don't think life would be anything but shattered fragments of what was left behind if the person I loved the most exited this world before I did.

You see something similar with older couples who have been married for decades. Once one of the pair has succumbed to old age or illness, the other one slowly fades away in the absence of their other half. I can't imagine it's any different if the death is 'unnatural' and caused by ctb instead. Having to go on without your true love seems horrific and agonising.

 

[#imdone]

I'd join them, really think a buddy would make ctb much more achievable and there's only a few people I love so ……

 

[YourNeighbor]

Most people who want to die are suicidal because of a problem. If the problem leading my loved one to sucidality was fixable, I would try to help and try to convince them to seek help (I don't pretend to be qualified in that field).

The overwhelming number of people who are suicidal at some point in their life come out of it, which demonstrates that most people who are suicidal objectively have other options.

Choice of course is paramount, but choice without information and competence is not a real choice.

 

[Suicidebydeath]

Well this actually happened with me a few times. With online friends, I try to comfort them, maybe buy their groceries or something for a few weeks after their situation improves, since they only had temporary reasons to ctb and I don't want them to risk an impulse ctb. My brother spoke about it, after always doing terrible things to me, and I hugged him. They're all still alive and doing relatively okay now, it just takes time for them to improve their situation and in some cases like my brother they have to really try to change as well.

If it was a partner, I would try to help her, maybe propose. If she was dead-set and there were no plausible options to make things better, then we could go together, since I always want to ctb too.

 

[…juulpod…]

It isn't selfish to offer the person concrete help, everything else is ultimately useless.

What do you define as concrete help?

 

[motel rooms]

What do you define as concrete help?

The kind of help that your preachy kind is unable to offer. You're under the common normie illusion/delusion that it's enough to repeat enough platitudes enough times & the suicidal person will be cured.

 

[Snake of Eden]

The kind of help that your preachy kind is unable to offer. You're under the common normie illusion/delusion that it's enough to repeat enough platitudes enough times & the suicidal person will be cured.

Boyaaaah! Snap! This one must've hurt some sensitive tissue

 

[cambrai33]

Boyaaaah! Snap! This one must've hurt some sensitive tissue

Yet still concrete help wasn't defined……

You can have a go at me too if it gives you a semi doing it

 

[motel rooms]

Boyaaaah! Snap! This one must've hurt some sensitive tissue

They started a thinly disguised pro-life thread on the main forum, it got moved to Recovery, they got exposed for what they are by a bunch of people, they called us pro-death rather than pro-choice, & then they deleted everything like a little bitch.

(I lost like 50 reacts as a result of that deletion, which is the real reason I'm furious)

 

[Snake of Eden]

Yet still concrete help wasn't defined……

You can have a go at me too if it gives you a semi doing it

Hold my hoops.

Concrete help is genuine intent to mitigate whatever that led to the suicide to exist in first place. like actually being there for the person and trying to help them with whatever it takes to make their situation better. That is not what prolife crowd espouse in the least
In other words unlike this

 

[Round Two]

I'm barely hanging on as it is. If I lost my partner, I'd be losing my best friend and biggest support system. She has every right to leave and I have every right to follow her.

 

[WaterHemlock]

I would do the things I wish others would do for me- listen to them, spend time with them, make sure they know how important they are to me. Mostly listen to them without judgement.

I'd go over medication they take, as I know some meds I've taken have had me devestatingly depressed, and doctors don't warn you. (Beta blockers, hormones, immune modulators)
Also I'd get vitamin levels checked, as lack of some vitamins, even if they're just in the low ranges and not deficient, can contribute to depression. (Iron, b-12, and D are ones that have made a measureable difference to me)

I like the answer of concrete help.
Do they need food, are they in a crisis I can help solve?
All this is contingent upon actually being in their lives and having some agency there.
I can't imagine wanting to die if there was someone in my life that loved me and showed it.

Personally, one of my rules for myself is to never kill myself when I'm in a bad mood. I figure it's a such a big decision it must be made with a clear head.
Impulses usually pass.
And well-reasoned decisions almost make themselves.

 

[VoidDesirer22]

Hold my hoops.

Concrete help is genuine intent to mitigate whatever that led to the suicide to exist in first place. like actually being there for the person and trying to help them with whatever it takes to make their situation better. That is not what prolife crowd espouse in the least
In other words unlike this
View attachment 81026

Crazy that it'd be hard to find someone who wouldn't see this as a net positive (the gif).

Edit: but perhaps the height they were jumping from wasn't enough to kill them. I guess it needs context.

 

[Snake of Eden]

Crazy that it'd be hard to find someone who wouldn't see this as a net positive (the gif).

That was actually meant as a joke. Of course it is positive. Push them back inside and offer them N instead

 

[VoidDesirer22]

Crazy that it'd be hard to find someone who wouldn't see this as a net positive (the gif).

That was actually meant as a joke. Of course it is positive. Push them back inside and offer them N instead

Yeah but they wouldn't offer them N. They'd most likely forcibly lock them into a psych ward. As I said in the edit to my message, it really depends on the height.

 

[motel rooms]

Yet still concrete help wasn't defined……

I think the fact that I know them so well and I can really work with them to live a better life would maybe drive me to prevent it. Is that selfish? What would you do?

It isn't selfish to offer the person concrete help, everything else is ultimately useless.

In case it wasn't clear, I think @Soapie is willing to help the person they love in a concrete way.

What is your definition of concrete help?

 

[cambrai33]

I don't sit by the definition of concrete help unfortunately because help varies and is dependant on the person wanting to be helped or not. I will say listening to a person is the first step, only after that can you decide between you what help if any might work.

So concrete help for you is unlikely to be the same concrete help for me so by definition it's case specific.

I know people like to put things into little convenient definitions or put labels on people but I reject that train of thought and that we are each and all individuals but again listening is the first step.

Some of our more pro death members (and no I have no intention of highlighting them) might feel different and think that help is mostly futile but this place should be somewhere that both can co exist notwithstanding encouragement is strictly prohibited