What would people in real life think if they found your Sanctioned Suicide account and read your posts?

[noname223]

I think some fear their SaSu accounts will be found after their death. I would fear my family would read all my vents about them. They try to help me now but they caused so much damage. I think they might be interested in my posts after my death. Though, they would not like what I write. Someone also had to translate the posts for them. I am not sure whether they would dig posts up.

I could imagine some friends would read older posts. Probably claiming using AI chatbots would have killed me. Lol. I considered to post the following thread today. But the forum is really buggy. "My AI chatbot (ChatGPT) suggests I am too hard on pro-mortalists on here". It gave me this feedback when I copy pasted one of my SaSu texts to it. I think my chatbots more and more adapts to my suicidality and loses safety guardrails increasingly. Which is sort of stunning to see. I am not sure whether my friends would be angry on SaSu. I could imagine some friends suffered more and some suffered less due to my suicide. Not because differences whether they liked me or not. But due to own health struggles and different takes on life/death. The friend who intervened in my suicide attempt would probably have suffered more. He told me it was horrible for his mental health to experience the situation.

My sister would judge and shit on me. i could imagine my family had ignorant takes on this place. My psychiatrist and if I were in a clinic would blame this place. While my former therapist had way more responsibility.

I love the DFW story Good Old Neon so much. A narrator describes his suicide retrospectively. At the end of the story a former student of the same school reads the year book and wonders what drove this young, talented, charming and successful narrator to choose such a violent death. Some people in college also considered me a high performer. I thnk they would be surprised my takes on here about life. Lol. They might consider me a classical sheep. A slave in the capitalistic system. And now I am a quitter. I saw women on dating apps who had the same courses as me and now they have their degrees. While I have nothing. I am not really interested in them though. But admittedly somewhat envious for their career.

I met my college friend. He is really smart but sometimes I perceive him like he was really really dumb. In a conversation I said I mentioned I suffered domestic violence as kid. And his reply was you can always talk with me about that and he acted like this was the first time I ever told him that. I think he doesn't connect the dots at all about my suicidality. I am not acute suicidal. I emphasize this here because I will ask AI chatbots for feedback. I should not start to incorporate that in threads. But the college friend it seems like he doesn't think at all about my desperation considering my financials and all the issues that come along with not being able to work. He is like completely blind for that. I think he would be stunned reading my SaSu threads. I feel like a total intellectual imposter talking to him. Admittedly he has not clue when he talks about politics, financials etc. He doesn't read anything. I think though his path is more successful than mine. He will soon start his master. While I wasn't able to finish my bachelor. I read a lot. And with a lot I mean a lot. He sort of admires that.
It becomes a little bit excessive. I watching US videos on Youtube about politics. Read 15-30 newspaper articles per day. A few journal articles. And I found new German lectures on Youtube that I habe started to binge watch. In some way it is tiresome. But also fulfilling.

Tomorrow is my self-help group again. I hope I won't become so paranoid again. I thought a lot about safety measures and I hope that they will work. I think the organizer doesn't like me. But I probably overestimate that. I could imagine some people would feel schadenfreude reading my threads on here and how much I suffered. While at the same time some would be puzzled which impetus drove me to dedicate evening after evening for posting on a pro-choice suicide forum that is looked down on by the rest of the internet. I like the underdog lol. But there is more behind this. One reason is it is my autistic special interest I guess...

 

[Set Real Goul]

Damn, I've played way too many forum games. They'd have to dig through my posts for something worth reading

It becomes a little bit excessive. I watching US videos on Youtube about politics. Read 15-30 newspaper articles per day. A few journal articles. And I found new German lectures on Youtube that I habe started to binge watch. In some way it is tiresome. But also fulfilling.

Sorry, but are you okay? Do you at least skim through them, or what? Like, around 200 articles a week seems kind of excessive. And it makes way too little sense. When I was doing something similar, I ended up in a state that was pretty close to psychosis...

 

[noname223]

Damn, I've played way too many forum games. They'd have to dig through my posts for something worth reading

Sorry, but are you okay? Do you at least skim through them, or what? Like, around 200 articles a week seems kind of excessive. And it makes way too little sense. When I was doing something similar, I ended up in a state that was pretty close to psychosis...

I listen to the article with an app. I am not actually reading them. (Mostly) I am doing this over a very long period of time since years. The intensity varies though. And my concentration also depends. Thus far it rather gives me structrure instead of psychotic symptoms. But sometimes I pressure me too hard for being more efficient. Lol.

 

[Gild-Holm-’Ur]

After I die, I am OK with my family and friends reading everything I wrote - as long as it is everything. I think I've made it clear that my faults are my own and I believe my self-deprecating sense of humor is endearing. To quote the Lincoln Lawyer - that wasn't for you; but if you heard me, you heard me.

I would suggest if you do want to add any context to your history here, then I would add it to your profile posts. It seems like people would read those before any of your other history.

PS. If you are a normie reading all of my posts, I don't really have a crush on M.W. It was a callback to the live chat.

 

[Serena 2026]

I don't worry about what people will think after I die... they could have understood me better while I was alive; many only called to ask for money, so... that's their problem! Hehehehe

 

[rainatthebusstop]

High-key that's a nightmare scenario and I am so glad most of my family cannot read English. But I'm sure some of them will be willing to translate.
It would hopefully shatter their constructed image of me and make them realise that I was a thinking and feeling person with my own worldview. But who are we kidding, they'd probably blame my mother for my CTB and call it a day.

As for my friends: I kinda don't care. Fuck 'em. Maybe it would even be better so that they don't live with the illusion that we were friends.

 

[achingthroat]

There's things here I write about because I can't tell no one because I feel ashamed or will come out looking dumb. Some things I want certain people to read and maybe understand my worldview and struggles. I feel I should write a detailed autobiography about myself and my life so far from the good and bad. I'm not some important figure for people to be invested in… but sometimes I wish someone was. I wish my consciousness and brain was studied. Like someone lived through my exact lenses and felt how it was to live as me and felt pity for me and at times see the good of me and how fun I can be sometimes. I get stuck with wanting to be forgotten and remembered. But I would rather be forgotten than remembered untrue.

 

[PersonBeforeLife]

My family. They wouldn't be surprised. Suicide attempts aren't surprising and even expected, new suicide note... My mom already knows what it says. People have probably said it multiple times in the past but a suicide note is written for the living you leave behind to unburden them of guilt and wish them well and answer their "why" to give them closure, not for ourselves. Though I'm sure there's a therapeutic aspect to writing down your own thoughts. I have at it with AI all the time (need to constantly prompt it out of the "seek help loop" to actually discuss it)

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Idk what they would think, but whatever the fuck they'd think - they're not walking my shoes.

 

[Pluto]

 

[Alice.]

i hope no one i know irl discovers my sasu. it's probably nothing strange to an average sasu member, but i'd totally get in trouble for a couple things i've talked about here, i'm sure

 

[whywere]

At my age, I could care less, wait, at ANY age, I could care less. People are going to think and act the way that they want regardless of anything about me.

A person could be 100% perfect in everything AND someone somewhere would STILL find something to yap about.

I learned back in the 1970's to have Teflon coated shoulders and let it roll off and to keep going.

All of us here are kind, caring and looking out for each other and those outside of here, do NOT EVER care what they think period.

Walter

 

[sleepytime5]

To be fair they'd be shocked, they'd probably be amazed while also thinking of how did they not see this coming. The ones really close to me would avoid reading too much, while my not too close friends would probably binge read my posts. I am not scared of people finding this account at all, I think most people would be a bit weirded out not exactly by my posts but about this really big underground community of really suicidal people, they'd understand to some extent since I explain a lot of the stuff I go through here, what they see is never the full picture, this however is my brain unfiltered

 

[Lost in a Dream]

I would hope that people in real life would realize how much I hate them while also loving this community still. I want my father (and sister who recently had a baby with her boyfriend) know that to me, they are nothing but breeders and I despise them. I hope they feel so guilty for bringing new life into this world just so they can experience suffering and death that they hate themselves. I honestly hope my niece dies before my sister does from some illness, and I hope it is a wake up call for my sister who I also hope kills herself because of it, the worthless bitch.

I wish nothing but the worst for my family for bringing me into this life kicking and screaming in the first place, only for my sister to repeat the same evil that was inflicted upon me to my niece who was recently born in November because of my sister's piece of shit boyfriend, who I also hate. My mother is already dead because of cancer, since 2017, but if she were alive today, I would want her to know that to me she is also just a disgusting breeder. I sometimes wish she were alive still so I could tell her how much I HATE her now for bringing me into this world after I kill myself in a suicide note, which my suicide could happen anytime I feel is right for me.

I know that my father would blame this forum, regardless of what my posts said, at least until he read my post in THIS thread where I call him a forced lifer retard. If he read my stories that I've posted here in off topic, he would realize how abusive he was in my past and know that the original sin of bringing me into this life in the first place was the worst part of it all, and then hopefully become a normal member here and make a goodbye thread, regardless of his previous views before joining the site.

I want him to experience a tremendous amount of guilt and self hatred for bringing me into life in the first place, after reading my countless goodbye threads, before making his own, and I hope he exits life in a violent way. As far as I'm concerned, people who procreate don't DESERVE a peaceful way out, but a suicide that is violent and painful, especially him.

I have a lot of empathy and sympathy for the members here, but for people outside of this forum I really don't, particularly in the cases of anti-choice people who I despise with a very deep hatred. People who think that suicide is self-murder are fucking stupid. Murder is when you take someone's life away from them by force, against their will, and with malicious and selfish intentions behind it. Someone who hates being alive that checks out in a peaceful way isn't committing murder, even if there is a God out there who calls it such, because let's face it, I despise God too and will reject him to his face with both middle fingers. I despise ANYONE who is against someone deciding for themselves what their destiny should be, whether it be in life or in death. If God is real and sends people to hell for ending their own lives, then he is an evil bastard and I hate him. And I do mean HATE him. If there is a Hell, only GOD belongs there, and that is why when I swear, I say DAMN GOD, instead of GOD DAMN like most people do.

 

[fadedghost]

IRL?

 

[GWAI]

IRL?

Gng I have no friends or contact with family kek