Discussion What would need to change for you to not CTB?

[Kundalini Guy]

I basically would need to be cured from my kundalini psychosis along with having more relationships.

 

[FuneralCry]

In my case I'd prefer to die under all circumstances. Only ceasing to exist is the way to avoid all future suffering and I just don't see existence as desirable in general, I only wish for eternal non-existence. I don't understand why anyone would wish to exist as a conscious being with the ability to suffer endlessly in this hellish reality, wanting suicide is all that makes sense to me to escape from the cruelty and futility of existing.

 

[Dizzylady80]

For me, the only thing that would guarantee me not killing myself would be for my nerve pain to go away, which is technically a possibility as my condition is usually temporary, but not likely as it can sometimes be permanent and I've had it way longer than the amount of time it usually lasts.

What could potentially prevent my suicide would be if I successfully got on disability payments to ease my financial strain, which is also possible, although I don't know if I can hold out long enough to get it as I was told it takes 6-12 months and I only reapplied a month ago. I've applied before and was denied, but that was likely because I didn't use lawyers the first time, and I have a lawyer now which increases my chances. I don't know for certain that this would keep me alive however, because I would still be in debilitating pain all the time.

Another thing that could potentially keep me here would be if I were to get into a relationship with someone who was able to care for me, although this one would be less likely to work because I would undoubtedly deal with feeling burdensome on them. But, I could imagine a scenario where I could be happy like this.

I do not want to die. I love life, I think it's fun and exciting and rewarding and incredibly beautiful. I'm also terrified of death; the idea of eternal nothingness scares the absolute shit out of me. I hate that I feel forced into making a choice between living a lifetime of pain so intense that it regularly leaves me bedridden and death.

I basically would need to be cured from my kundalini psychosis along with having more relationships.

Is that something that could be cured? I've never heard of it before so I know nothing about it. If so, I do hope it happens for you

 

[doormat25]

I would like to feel safe. Not fearful.

 

[Kundalini Guy]

For me, the only thing that would guarantee me not killing myself would be for my nerve pain to go away, which is technically a possibility as my condition is usually temporary, but not likely as it can sometimes be permanent and I've had it way longer than the amount of time it usually lasts.

What could potentially prevent my suicide would be if I successfully got on disability payments to ease my financial strain, which is also possible, although I don't know if I can hold out long enough to get it as I was told it takes 6-12 months and I only reapplied a month ago. I've applied before and was denied, but that was likely because I didn't use lawyers the first time, and I have a lawyer now which increases my chances. I don't know for certain that this would keep me alive however, because I would still be in debilitating pain all the time.

Another thing that could potentially keep me here would be if I were to get into a relationship with someone who was able to care for me, although this one would be less likely to work because I would undoubtedly deal with feeling burdensome on them. But, I could imagine a scenario where I could be happy like this.

I do not want to die. I love life, I think it's fun and exciting and rewarding and incredibly beautiful. I'm also terrified of death; the idea of eternal nothingness scares the absolute shit out of me. I hate that I feel forced into making a choice between living a lifetime of pain so intense that it regularly leaves me bedridden and death.

Is that something that could be cured? I've never heard of it before so I know nothing about it. If so, I do hope it happens for you

I would have to travel far away to India for me to find something close to a cure. Kundalini Awakening is so rare and so little know about it, my psychiatrist also got no idea what it is. The closest I can get to a cure without travelling is basically staying in nature 24/7 because that's the only thing that helps. Kundalini awakening is basically a type of spiritual awakening but if done without guidance or abruptly you can damage your body and mind heavily.

 

[the_path_of_sorrows]

My past experiences, memories. I would choose lobotomy, for God's sake. Just let me forget their hands on my body, let me forget what their dicks taste like, let me forget their names, their constant reminders that I cannot escape. I was just a child and I couldn't take so much shit without collapsing completely. This physical body is full of so many flaws I have to get rid of it.

I have created a life full of distractions only to escape the memories. Nowadays I'm drowning in so many responsibilities people see this as a never ending mania. I must keep going or else, if I stop for a single moment, I'll never rise again.

I must escape, I must escape... I must escape.

 

[Deleted member 65988]

Man, whenever this question comes up, I really don't know how to answer it. I'd possibly say maybe my life being something I wouldn't want to lose tomorrow, that it had more going for it even though I don't know what exactly would look like.

 

[WonderingSoul]

I don't know anymore. It used to be just one or two things, but now I've had so many problems pile up, I just want everything to end.

 

[Dizzylady80]

I would have to travel far away to India for me to find something close to a cure. Kundalini Awakening is so rare and so little know about it, my psychiatrist also got no idea what it is. The closest I can get to a cure without travelling is basically staying in nature 24/7 because that's the only thing that helps. Kundalini awakening is basically a type of spiritual awakening but if done without guidance or abruptly you can damage your body and mind heavily.

I'm sorry to hear that I just did a small amount of research on it and this popped up, is this something similar to what you go through?
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9460011/#bibr3-02537176221082936
If so, the girl in the case study wasn't cured but she did respond well to antipsychotics, maybe those could help if you haven't tried it? Sorry if this unsolicited advice is unwanted. From what I read it sounds hellish, I'm so sorry you have to experience that

 

[Kundalini Guy]

I'm sorry to hear that I just did a small amount of research on it and this popped up, is this something similar to what you go through?
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9460011/#bibr3-02537176221082936
If so, the girl in the case study wasn't cured but she did respond well to antipsychotics, maybe those could help if you haven't tried it? Sorry if this unsolicited advice is unwanted. From what I read it sounds hellish, I'm so sorry you have to experience that

Yea its like my exact case, I am already on antipsychotics now and they help well.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'd need my freelance creative job to become more stable in terms of regularity of work and salary. My creative job is my coping mechanism for life. Without it, I flounder. That wouldn't save me forever though. I don't fancy enduring old age and ill health either.

 

[Deleted member 65988]

That wouldn't save me forever though. I don't fancy enduring old age and ill health either.

Yeah nothing could ever change about life to actually be OK with growing old and being in ill health.

 

[ropearoundatree]

I've heard it said that two times (to be rejected) is the norm around here @Dizzylady80 - but that also probably/kind of depends on the lawyer, and most certainly the judge. I don't have any personal experience with this, however. I wish you the best of success with your case. And I just wish it didn't have to be so hard. I know of people who are in worse off shape, that have been denied this, on the one hand. And then on the other, I've worked in care-facilities w/Adults who had been on it, sometimes in better fitness, or off in terms of their ability to function in Life. Although I guess these are rather rare, extreme cases/& examples, they none the less do exist. And it just goes to show you how variable it can all be. But it is definitely worth a shot, if you think you ought to qualify in my opinion. I don't feel very "rock-solid," in my case. Though one close-friend, sort of somewhat disagrees. And they are no idiot! Peace.

 

[FRUSTRATED MIND]

For me I believe is almost impossible to avoid a future suicide. I consider not catching the bus if I have a good job and a good responsible girlfriend by my side.

 

[Dizzylady80]

Yea its like my exact case, I am already on antipsychotics now and they help well.

I'm glad that you get at least some relief from the antipsychotics I'm sorry that they don't work well enough to make life worth living though

 

[Dangerdonkey333]

Grow more confident, which would help with my severe social anxiety. Having a loving relationship again would would be great. The biggest would be to get over my past trauma though. And I don't see a way to do that really.

 

[user56765567]

I feel like anytime I've been asked this question the only answer I seem to have is reality itself like the foundational concepts that make up the laws of our reality and everything else. There doesn't seem like there's any other way to get out of this for me like there is not a scenario where I eventually don't leave for one reason or another.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Money, a purpose in life, a new business idea, basically massive financial recovery. That would need to change to abandon CTB for now. That doesn't mean that in the future there's not sth else that makes me considering CTB (e.g. health issues).

 

[leavingthesoultrap]

I basically would need to be cured from my kundalini psychosis along with having more relationships.

What happened to you? What is kundalini psychosis? I've read about kundalini and chakras but I never heard about psychosis?
For me it's hopeless. Because the things that are ruining my life are beyond my control. The only way would be going back in time.

 

[StaticCryBabye]

Money and eternal happiness. Even so, I would still consider being dead rather than being here. Life is beautiful and exciting, honestly, but knowing how fucked up it can be, I'd prefer to peace out than to stay here any longer.

 

[Agon321]

Universe :). Unfortunately, nihilism is already too strong in me for me to ever feel 100% good. I don't see much point in fighting while we're alive, because you probably lose everything after you die anyway. I don't want to bother myself, because why? If you have children, they will die too, just like your grandchildren. Your achievements will be erased by time.
However, if I magically received a lot of money, I would definitely live longer :)

 

[CouldaHvBeenARock]

If I were a rock...
I'm done with this book called life,
so I just want to move on to whatever is next.

 

[movinout17]

A purpose in life. A new personality, being confident, social, kind and charismatic. A career that I can at least tolerate. Social connection.

 

[BlazingBob]

Good or at least decent physical and mental health, a loving family, a place to call home, freedom from past trauma, not to be abused and bullied every day, financial solvency, a companion that wouldn't cheat or abandon me like all the others have. Unfortunately for me there's no way out because of my progressive, incurable torturous health problems. I'm totally alone and barring a miracle totally up shit creek. Ctb is definitely not what.

 

[gbi2]

Enough money for me to be stable again. I've lost over £6000 because of how the NHS treated me and I need to get that back. Better health too, as at the moment even though I need money, the thought of winning a million wont change my mind. The health needs to improve too.

I want to do sports trading and develop a website and run a youtube channel for fishing. If I could do those I'd be happy I could earn a decent income and be stable and they would act as their own therapy for my health. But I need to be in a job to fund the beginnings and at the moment going back into work isn't possible and might never be.

 

[Deleted member 65988]

Money, a purpose in life, a new business idea, basically massive financial recovery. That would need to change to abandon CTB for now. That doesn't mean that in the future there's not sth else that makes me considering CTB (e.g. health issues).

Gotta agree with this, also it wouldn't hurt for disappointment to not always be around the corner, waiting to make things worse.

However, if I magically received a lot of money, I would definitely live longer :)

Yeah, I would too until the novelty wears off.

 

[Sylveon]

Having an actual purpose in life, not being a guy (or at the very least having the face and body of my choice), not clinging to the past memories (or forgetting them completely), and not living in my present country(?).

And a lot of other stuff too, like having an actual personality, not being so dumb, not having some borderline narcissistic traits, etc. etc...

 

[SenseOfLoss]

reversal of the damage caused by medication and reclaiming my former life

 

[WeDontKnowTheFuture]

a good short term memory and a capacity to focus well, a social life (without feeling disconnected of others as i felt all my life), no anhedonia, The return of my passion for composing music

 

[Zaljko]

I would need to have the ability to re-do almost every aspect of my life, which isn't possible, ergo there's really nothing I can do.

Slightly less flippantly : I would need to not be in physical pain basically 24/7. It seems I very regularly have yet another health problem manifest and I'm just so, so tired of the complete lack of the medical establishment to CURE anything.