Hard to tell, things add up over time. Autism at birth, then probably developed some kind of severe psychological problems during childhood. Too much internet, gaming and porn from early age, as well. Still, things seemed to be ok-ish until around 16/17 when I became apathetic and passively suicidal. And after that it's been really shitty. Frequent suicidality, acting out in horrible ways, taking medication that seems to have made things worse, getting tricked into believing stupid things online, bent my penis jerking off, impulsive spending, hatred, hours upon hours of crying and writhing in emotional agony, rejection on dating apps, embarrassing myself over and over in many contexts, consequences of really impulsive/embarrassing/hateful stuff still hanging over my head to this day, failing at jobs and educations without exception, you name it.
Very recently I've at least started to get my humanity back, (less hatred, more able to not be blinded as much by my own pain, in touch with my morality more). Also getting somewhat better at coping with this situation (basically impossible to get anywhere I would ever have perceived as good, in any major area of life). When I get drunk, or just don't think, I still may automatically start blaming other people and stuff like that, guess I have to more or less constantly monitor myself and be more serious with that. Should also just not drink. Still, haven't gotten anywhere near as bad as a couple of years ago any time after that, and I think stopping the medication might have been a big part of that.
I see it as extremely unlikely for me to ever have a life that I'd consider worth living. But since I don't have it that bad now, I can wait a bit to see if something miraculous happens and for the family to have to live fewer years post-suicide. Hope they wouldn't be devastated like all those people in the documentaries/interviews, but I think it's very likely for them to be affected in an awful way. Would also like to be more certain of not ending up in a hell or whatever.