What was your first suicidal thought?

[Someone123]

Talking would never help anything and would not take away any of my suffering. I do have family members, but I spend most of my time alone and do not like talking much. There are many reasons why I do not want to exist and why I find life to be awful. Nothing could ever change and that is just the way that things are.

Ok, I thought if you had some bits of hope it might be worth it to check into further, but I do understand that when things have been bad for a long time that sometimes there are not solutions- other than leaving.

 

[sadandhopeless1]

My dad has vitiligo and always talked about how disgusting and diseased he was. One day I had my shirt off and he pointed out a spot on my back and said that I had it too. I said it was just a tiny spot and he told me just wait one day it will be over you're whole body. I already felt like a disgusting unattractive person before that. I thought that people would see me as even more of a freak in the future, and it made me want to die.

 

[aeri]

i dont know if this really count as a suicidal thought but before i even was able to right nor read i felt empty. didn't particularly care of being alive.

but my real real suicidal thought i think i was like 12-13, i just felt like a burden and wanted to stop existing

 

[WhatPowerIs]

Feels recent but my memory is so shit it could have formed earlier. Always felt like a useless burden since the beginning of high school, no discernible positive traits, nothing interesting about me, no hobbies or special talents. I'm always told that I'm "valuable" in suicide discussions, but I don't feel such value, and I don't know how they measure such value to begin with. I keep going on the off chance that things will improve for me. Things do not magically get better sadly and I have realized that now.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

A year ago realizing I was no longer professionally viable - that my hopes and dreams were delusional and always had been …