What was your "damn, i'm actually doing this?" moment?

[kai2001]

Last night I was looking at my phone and saw that it was already July. For some reason that made me really emotional, because this is the month that I picked to ctb because I ordered SN that's hopefully going to arrive in about 3 weeks. The fact that it's July now makes it feel so much more real, so much closer and so much more tangible if that makes sense? It just really hit me all of a sudden. And on top of that, my medication (an antiemetic and some sleeping assistance pills) arrived today. So the SN is literally the only thing that's missing. Once it arrives I can go through with it. On one hand it makes me really happy, but on the other it's just a bit overwhelming.

Did anyone here experience something similar? Did you have a moment where it hit you like a truck completely out of the blue and you went "whoa, how did it get this far?"

 

[Lost Magic]

yeah, when my last will and testament came in the letterbox (while hungover and anxiety ridden) I knew that my plans were coming together. I hate this fucking life so much. Planning my death has been a good distraction for a few years but I am tired of that as well. I guess I'm just tired of everything.

 

[idk1]

When I started searching methods. I imagine it'll be on another level when I start making purchases.

 

[outrider567]

Last night I was looking at my phone and saw that it was already July. For some reason that made me really emotional, because this is the month that I picked to ctb because I ordered SN that's hopefully going to arrive in about 3 weeks. The fact that it's July now makes it feel so much more real, so much closer and so much more tangible if that makes sense? It just really hit me all of a sudden. And on top of that, my medication (an antiemetic and some sleeping assistance pills) arrived today. So the SN is literally the only thing that's missing. Once it arrives I can go through with it. On one hand it makes me really happy, but on the other it's just a bit overwhelming.

Did anyone here experience something similar? Did you have a moment where it hit you like a truck completely out of the blue and you went "whoa, how did it get this far?"

No, not at all--Nothing 'hit me', just the opposite, things were actually taking way too long---For weeks after my girlfriend's death, was experimenting with Final Exit's Carbon Dioxide Exit Bag Sleeping Pill method and found it to be absurd, and PPH said the same thing,unreliable---So then read a ton on the Inert Gas Exit Bag Mega Thread, and decided Nitrogen is my way of choice--But it took a long time to get allthe stuff---Then I found out the MaxDog nitrogen regulator(they don't sell them anymore today)was a waste of $330 because this Australian co just repurposed an oxygen regulator--Got a new one from a Canadian company,then also got an EEBD hood from them also--Finally,good to go, 5 months after my original CTB mission

 

[Klophy]

I'm not sure i've had that moment. It's always been in the back of my head just slowly coming further and further out as i've aged.

The biggest push was probably when i lost interest in any activities and when i realised i'll never be the person i want to be.

 

[FuneralCry]

I've been suicidal since a young age and wanting to die is all that I really know. I have never wanted to exist. For me it has been many years of wishing I was gone and thinking about methods. There has been no specific moment, just the constant thought that life is not worth living and it never possibly could be. I wish that it was actually easier to leave. A peaceful death should be a human right and nobody should have to do lots of research on the internet in order to die.

 

[GreenTree]

Walk past Lorries but too scared. Feel bad for driver. Scared too. My poor family. I pray for them daily. God doesn't hear. I know one day I'll take no more. Thought God had my back as christened. Trying not to blasphemy. Learnt so much about life. Its a tough battle more than anyone will ever know.

 

[NoLightRemains]

When I started searching methods. I imagine it'll be on another level when I start making purchases.

This has been my experience as well. I imagine I will continue to have waves of realization that I'm closer to death until I finally CTB.

 

[WhatDoesTheFoxSay?]

Attempted by overdose not long after my diagnosis. On the thirteenth hydroxychloroquine pill freaked out and aborted the attempt. Got away with tingling sensation in lips and mild diarrhoea.

 

[Foresight]

Yes, the moment for me was the arrival of the SN. Something about the process of ordering and receiving it made it sink in. I ultimately feel better having it on hand now.

 

[Sasel]

What is SN?

 

[Medicmedic72]

What is SN?

Read more. Investigate more. All of your questions will be answered in the pinned posts. In fact, you will rarely find another user that answers questions. This is completely your choice, and no one else should be involved in giving you information. YOU make choices. YOU decide what is your fate. Etiquette dictates that others will not aid in your search for information. Your profile was created today. It takes days or weeks of reading to be knowledgable in this subject. Every resource is available on this forum, you just need to spend time doing the work. If you came her for a quick reply and plan, you will find you are ill prepared for this choice. This isn't an impulse for us. This is well researched.

 

[outatime_85]

For me, that moment came when I knew I had the means of producing my demise (minus two items), which, from my limited understanding, is not necessary in all cases.

That means, in theory, the method I am leaning toward is complete, and that now makes it not a matter of if but when.

And my clock is ticking. Tick-tock. Tick-tock. Tick-tock. Tick-tock. Tick...

 

[Catloaf]

When I booked an apartment. And then when they automatically charged my card some weeks after. I expected that expiration of a refund would push me more (spoiler: it didn't, I'm still here).