What was the most traumatic event in your life?

[Pulling a Sangwoo]

I just want to feel better or maybe worse about mine

 

[lastbusouttahere]

When I was 9 years old I was told I was adopted. A few months later my (adopted) father died. I was shut out of everything. In hindsight I think they meant well and were trying to protect me. But I never got to see him in the hospital or go to the funeral or anything. I assumed it was because I wasn't REALLY part of the family and was just in the way. A year later I was sent to boarding school and barely say my mother or sisters. I spent the holidays with my Grandma. I'm only just processing it now and it still makes it very hard to connect to people properly.

 

[Kbeau]

I just want to feel better or maybe worse about mine

My father caught the bus when I was 7.

 

[FuneralCry]

For me it is being forced into this futile, torturous existence in the first place, existence is the source of all my suffering and I suffer so much because this existence was so tragically imposed, all I personally hope for is to cease existing in peace and never suffer ever again and it brings me so much pain how I cannot just have the option to permanently stop suffering even know this existence was forced in the first place. I'd never wish to exist in this horrific world where suffering is seen as to force and prolong no matter what, it's all just so terrible and dreadful to me, I'll always see existence as a mistake, existence itself to me really is the true problem and more than anything I wish this existence was never imposed, it'd saved me from so much suffering if I never existed and I always suffer from being enslaved in this existence where I'm just hoping and waiting to not exist anyway.

 

[Kbeau]

When I was 9 years old I was told I was adopted. A few months later my (adopted) father died. I was shut out of everything. In hindsight I think they meant well and were trying to protect me. But I never got to see him in the hospital or go to the funeral or anything. I assumed it was because I wasn't REALLY part of the family and was just in the way. A year later I was sent to boarding school and barely say my mother or sisters. I spent the holidays with my Grandma. I'm only just processing it now and it still makes it very hard to connect to people properly.

Wow. That's awful

 

[Namelesa]

I don't really have one specific traumatic memory as my life has been continuous bad events happening to me so I will say about general experiences. Those being when I was in school or if a friend/partner left me. School was never ending boring repetitive stressful torture to me for long hours and the content anxiety of not having teachers getting angry or disappointed in me. People leaving me is traumatic to me as I get really attached to people and they become my main source of happiness so as people left me I feel more worthless and like something is wrong with me and lose my will to live. This has lead me to have a strong fear of abandonment and paranoia of displeasing people.

 

[Reflection]

To be honest I don't even know what trauma should feel like but in my whole life I went through two experiences which I could have gone without: first one being molested as a kid, it left me feeling dirty and uncomfortable for a while after I realized what happened but I got over it eventually. Second one is losing my girlfriend which I still don't know how I am going to manage with it, still hoping everything gets fixed but it truly ruined me mentally.

 

[Namelesa]

To be honest I don't even know what trauma should feel like but in my whole life I went through two experiences which I could have gone without: first one being molested as a kid, it left me feeling dirty and uncomfortable for a while after I realized what happened but I got over it eventually. Second one is losing my girlfriend which I still don't know how I am going to manage with it, still hoping everything gets fixed but it truly ruined me mentally.

if it negatively effects you significantly then its trauma. Break ups can and especially being raped as a child is traumatic. You didn't deserve this, I am really sorry :<

 

[Flirtingwithdemons]

Spoiler: TW: sexual abuse

I was sexually abused by my older brother when I was a kid, from when I was 6.

However, it was my family's reaction when they found out about it that really fucked me over. I was 16. I wasn't allowed counselling and had to carry on like everything was normal. Literally no support at all. Didn't realise it at the time (denial's a powerful tool) but it completely broke me. Even now (late thirties) there is still a part of me that firmly believes that if I were a better person, they would have believed and helped me, no matter how objectively I look at it. Those feelings of worthlessness have never ceased no matter what I do.

 

[outrider567]

When my girlfriend of 35 years died--Entered the hospital and she was gone in just 4 days, from kidney failure, lung failure, and blood pressure failure--She was mostly unconscious, but the 4th day, when she opened her eyes, I told her I loved her, she then whispered I love you too, then she closed her eyes, never to open them again

 

[Hollowman]

Losing my mind/personality/sense of self when I was a teen. I knew when it happened that my life would be shit. I should've ctb decades ago.

 

[davidtorez]

For me it is being forced into this futile, torturous existence in the first place, existence is the source of all my suffering and I suffer so much because this existence was so tragically imposed, all I personally hope for is to cease existing in peace and never suffer ever again and it brings me so much pain how I cannot just have the option to permanently stop suffering even know this existence was forced in the first place. I'd never wish to exist in this horrific world where suffering is seen as to force and prolong no matter what, it's all just so terrible and dreadful to me, I'll always see existence as a mistake, existence itself to me really is the true problem and more than anything I wish this existence was never imposed, it'd saved me from so much suffering if I never existed and I always suffer from being enslaved in this existence where I'm just hoping and waiting to not exist anyway.

Me too. Existence is unnecessary

 

[steveholt]

IM kinda lost these days on what is classed a traumatic event... as it seems every time i see my doctors tbere is always a new thing or an existing thing has got worse.. and then get given a set of meds and then spend a month doing tests on blood, shit, piss and brain test and dont forget the german brick layer that seems to enjoy sticking his fingers up my ass after ive had the die hard film crew down my neck and up me... ok gone of topic a touch.. i lost my mum pretty on my 16th bday had to raise my 12 yr old sis dad was well, a tool .. and i was left on my own to run a house and try and raise a kid... which is probably why im the world worst father .. my ex told me my daughter was not mine so i left the country .. few years later i got by the way she is yours .. during that time i was a complete addict to numb that shit.. and then i refused to get invovled with my kid as i am such a fuckin failure and could never be a father .. she is happy so why upset the balance something ive have to deal with.. skip a few years im now in in the fucked up liver and kidney crap .. fucked up kinda relationship.. eating codiene fir breakfast just to be able to move.. now i see no point.. im just a burden on tbose around me .. and i know my time is limited any way but wby drag it out my partner cant have kids .. talked about adoption but cos of my bidy being so fucjed its not possible so the best tbing for her to leave me so she can have a kid.. teust me this is brief rundown ..

 

[aitouka]

I feel like there's a few to choose from. When I was 11, I was raped in a foreign country, and after my parents knew they blamed it on me. My dad choked me and punched me in the stomach several times when I was 13. Pets always disappearing too soon in my life.

 

[divinemistress36]

Stroke from an assault

 

[grapevoid]

My entire marriage was extremely traumatic. But the most traumatic part was leaving my abuser. He stalked me, broke into my home, assaulted me in front of our children and the cops couldn't seem to catch him. It was 2 years after I had went to the domestic violence coalition for help before he was finally picked up by authorities. Those 2 years were the most traumatic of my life.

 

[grapevoid]

To be honest I don't even know what trauma should feel like but in my whole life I went through two experiences which I could have gone without: first one being molested as a kid, it left me feeling dirty and uncomfortable for a while after I realized what happened but I got over it eventually. Second one is losing my girlfriend which I still don't know how I am going to manage with it, still hoping everything gets fixed but it truly ruined me mentally.

Sexual abuse is extremely traumatic especially for children. I'm so sorry you went through that.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

procrastinating , not ordering 3 bottles of Nembutal when it was available from N from D online mailed to your house .
it was available for many years including 2019 , 2020 , 2021 ....

it's tramautic because of the regret and missed opportunity of all life times.

what's 18 grams of nembutal worth? invaluable to me

2nd . every minute i don't shoot myself in the head with my shotgun or rifle and blow this horrible brain stem to smithereens or take SN and instead watch some youtube video , or social media , news etc. ( distraction , denial , saphhe's distraction sublimation

 

[OptingOutSmiling]

Losing all muscle mass due to neuropathy, not being able to stand up and walk and being in physical pain 24/7 was pretty bad, but nothing compared to the emotional devastation when my person told me he is leaving my world. Physically, I can walk and even run again today, but don't think the empty, dark and confused void left inside, screaming for his return can ever go away, unless we become one again.

 

[Michelstaedter]

I think that life itself is the most traumatizing event. Being aware of the pain and suffering of others, from the depths of human evil, to feeling things like deep pain, strong depression, uncontrollable anxiety. Some time ago I saw the corpse of a relative, already in the hospital and remembered when he was alive, when we talked, when we played, his gestures, his expressions, his voice and then seeing his lifeless body. A mixture of deep sadness and emptiness when I realized that that is what we are and that is what we will be one day. When my pets died the same thing happened, seeing them alive and then lifeless, rigor mortis, the absence of heat. In short, perceiving and being aware of many things in existence is traumatic in itself.

 

[JUST PAIN]

I think there are probably two things.The first thing was that I was molested around the age of nine.I can't remember clearly, but that was too disgusting.I told my parents, but they thought it was a lie I made up.The second thing was being hit by my father and bleeding in the nose. The only reason is that I didn't call him 'father'.But we hadn't seen each other for three years before that. He's just an asshole. He doesn't even deserve to be a father.

 

[JesiBel]

Maybe what I am going to write is very banal, but...

It was the first time I felt paralyzed with fear, I couldn't react by running away or screaming or trying to 'fight', the first time someone pointed a gun at me to rob me. It seemed like eternal seconds, I gave him all my belongings without thinking about anything, my mind was blank.

It was noon, I was returning home. It's like all those things only happen in the news, that time it was my turn.

 

[Kilojewel]

Long story short and to avoid the gory details. I was sexually abused by a man for 4 years and traded around. My family didn't care. It fucked me up.

Spoiler: TW CSA/ trafficking / SA

At aged 10 my grandparents got their neighbor who was retired to watch me after school. They were still working and my mom was unreliable and would vanish for weeks on end. So everyday from 2pm to 6pm and sometimes as late as 9pm he was alone with me.

At first it was fine. He was just interested in my hobbies. Honestly being a very neglected child I sort of liked that someone wanted to see what I had built in minecraft or the sims. The touching started after that. at first just hand on my thigh or brushing up. But he quickly started doing more. One day he moved his hand under my skirt and I just froze. He started saying things to me. Really gross things.

This happened every day for a while. he eventually had me touch him over his clothes too. He showed me explicit content and then one day showed me a video that was different from the others. It was him and a girl about my age. They weren't wearing any clothes and in hindsight I know what they were doing but at the time i didn't really understand. This was the turning point. He had me take my clothes off. From that point on he' make me take my clothes off when I got home and he'd touch me. He started taking photos and then started taking his clothes off too. He made me do all kinds of things to him. He filmed and photographed most of it.

Told me that if I told anyone that I'd get in trouble too because "he had evidence against me". Obviously I know now i wouldn't have been in trouble but at 10 I thought I would be in trouble.

About 6 months in a little after my 11th birthday, he made me take my clothes off as usual but told me to kneel. And I did. I learned that if I just did as I'm told he'd finish and the leave my alone quicker. He stood Infront of me and told me to suck him off. I refused. It was the 1st time I had actually said no to a request and not just asked him to stop. He tried to coax me into a few times and then he got angry. I kept refusing and that's when he hit me for the 1st time.

I was so stunned I didn't even register that he had forced himself into my mouth. Until he said he'd kill me if I bit him. He made me swallow. I was so stunned I hardly reacted to anything he did after. I actually don't remember much other than the taste and the feeling of him.

I decided then that I had to tell someone and decided to tell my grandmother. That night I went to her in the kitchen. She was making spaghetti. and I told her what had happened that day. She paused, I was sure I was about to get whisked away by the police like he had told me. But instead she turned to me and said "You shouldn't say things like that, they can really ruin someone's life". And went back to making the spaghetti. My memories of the evening and weekend that followed are spotty.

I don't remember how I got to my room after that but I do remember cutting myself for the 1st time. I don't really remember why I decided to do it. Just that it made me feel better.

That monday when I got home he was sitting in my room waiting for me. And I could tell that he was angry. Turns out my grandmother had told him what I said. And he went off at me. When we was done screaming he told me to take off my clothes. I thought it was just going to be another repeat of friday. I listened. But once I was standing in front of him, he hit record on his camera and beat the shit out of me. I had experienced beatings in the past but this was on another level. The fact that I was naked made it 100 times worse. Plus he is like 1.9m tall and a wide dude. So it hurt. Like hell.

I ended up on the floor. Kind of just cowering waiting for it to be over. He stopped. Caught his breath, looked at me and told me to stop crying. I couldn't. He picked me up and put me on my bed and told me to stop crying again. I just curled up and kept sobbing. I could tell he was getting angry again but I couldn't stop it. He went to go adjust his camera. Then he got on top of me. Rolled me onto my back and made me look at him. and he said if I wouldn't stop crying he'd give me a reason to cry.

And he did. He made me look him in the eyes as he raped me. I thought I was going to die from pain. And Then I just went numb. Like I wasn't in my body at all. When he was done he started rubbing me. My body reacted. I had my first orgasm at the hands of a 50 something year old pedophile after he raped me. And then he bathed me. made sure to pay extra special attention to my genitals.

After this day, he raped me every day. He did other things to but the day always ended with him doing exactly what he did the 1st day. And then after a year of that there were other men. Every day 3 -4 men would take their turn. And then he would finish off the day and bathe me. He filmed all of it. There are probably 100s of hours of csam out there of me. It's fucked me up so profoundly.

No one knows these details.

 

[twilightSparriw]

Every single loving codependant relationship i murdered with obsessiveness and anxiety…

 

[Valhala]

The moment I broke up with the only woman I really loved, after being without her my whole life became completely meaningless.

 

[meso]

i don't really know

parental abuse (all my life), incestual dynamics (not incest per se), sexual abuse (in adulthood), bullying (in school), attempted murders (not on me, but i witnessed), masking autism

the difference i make between those things is which part of my life it affects the most, so idk, depends when you ask, if i'm about to see my mom, what she has done to me will be my most traumatic event; but if i'm about to get laid it will be sexual abuse

 

[theshund]

Last year. The whole year. Separated from my wife, two children have disowned me, lost my home, was homeless, out of desperation accepted accomodation with my abusive father. Moved out after inevitable breakdown and now live in a crackden. I don't use drugs.

I've gone from an idyllic life most would kill for to the kind of horror movie existence few can imagine. I'm in survival mode 24/7. Anxiety through the roof. Just want it to end.

The moment I broke up with the only woman I really loved, after being without her my whole life became completely meaningless.

I hear you. I'm in exactly the same situation. DM me if you need to talk. Might help.

 

[Pulling a Sangwoo]

Long story short and to avoid the gory details. I was sexually abused by a man for 4 years and traded around. My family didn't care. It fucked me up.

Spoiler: TW CSA/ trafficking / SA

At aged 10 my grandparents got their neighbor who was retired to watch me after school. They were still working and my mom was unreliable and would vanish for weeks on end. So everyday from 2pm to 6pm and sometimes as late as 9pm he was alone with me.

At first it was fine. He was just interested in my hobbies. Honestly being a very neglected child I sort of liked that someone wanted to see what I had built in minecraft or the sims. The touching started after that. at first just hand on my thigh or brushing up. But he quickly started doing more. One day he moved his hand under my skirt and I just froze. He started saying things to me. Really gross things.

This happened every day for a while. he eventually had me touch him over his clothes too. He showed me explicit content and then one day showed me a video that was different from the others. It was him and a girl about my age. They weren't wearing any clothes and in hindsight I know what they were doing but at the time i didn't really understand. This was the turning point. He had me take my clothes off. From that point on he' make me take my clothes off when I got home and he'd touch me. He started taking photos and then started taking his clothes off too. He made me do all kinds of things to him. He filmed and photographed most of it.

Told me that if I told anyone that I'd get in trouble too because "he had evidence against me". Obviously I know now i wouldn't have been in trouble but at 10 I thought I would be in trouble.

About 6 months in a little after my 11th birthday, he made me take my clothes off as usual but told me to kneel. And I did. I learned that if I just did as I'm told he'd finish and the leave my alone quicker. He stood Infront of me and told me to suck him off. I refused. It was the 1st time I had actually said no to a request and not just asked him to stop. He tried to coax me into a few times and then he got angry. I kept refusing and that's when he hit me for the 1st time.

I was so stunned I didn't even register that he had forced himself into my mouth. Until he said he'd kill me if I bit him. He made me swallow. I was so stunned I hardly reacted to anything he did after. I actually don't remember much other than the taste and the feeling of him.

I decided then that I had to tell someone and decided to tell my grandmother. That night I went to her in the kitchen. She was making spaghetti. and I told her what had happened that day. She paused, I was sure I was about to get whisked away by the police like he had told me. But instead she turned to me and said "You shouldn't say things like that, they can really ruin someone's life". And went back to making the spaghetti. My memories of the evening and weekend that followed are spotty.

I don't remember how I got to my room after that but I do remember cutting myself for the 1st time. I don't really remember why I decided to do it. Just that it made me feel better.

That monday when I got home he was sitting in my room waiting for me. And I could tell that he was angry. Turns out my grandmother had told him what I said. And he went off at me. When we was done screaming he told me to take off my clothes. I thought it was just going to be another repeat of friday. I listened. But once I was standing in front of him, he hit record on his camera and beat the shit out of me. I had experienced beatings in the past but this was on another level. The fact that I was naked made it 100 times worse. Plus he is like 1.9m tall and a wide dude. So it hurt. Like hell.

I ended up on the floor. Kind of just cowering waiting for it to be over. He stopped. Caught his breath, looked at me and told me to stop crying. I couldn't. He picked me up and put me on my bed and told me to stop crying again. I just curled up and kept sobbing. I could tell he was getting angry again but I couldn't stop it. He went to go adjust his camera. Then he got on top of me. Rolled me onto my back and made me look at him. and he said if I wouldn't stop crying he'd give me a reason to cry.

And he did. He made me look him in the eyes as he raped me. I thought I was going to die from pain. And Then I just went numb. Like I wasn't in my body at all. When he was done he started rubbing me. My body reacted. I had my first orgasm at the hands of a 50 something year old pedophile after he raped me. And then he bathed me. made sure to pay extra special attention to my genitals.

After this day, he raped me every day. He did other things to but the day always ended with him doing exactly what he did the 1st day. And then after a year of that there were other men. Every day 3 -4 men would take their turn. And then he would finish off the day and bathe me. He filmed all of it. There are probably 100s of hours of csam out there of me. It's fucked me up so profoundly.

No one knows these details.

WHATTT I'm so sorry omg that's so heart breaking PLEASE TELL ME HE'S DEAD OR LOCKED UP SOMEWHERE:< If he's still alive if u can maybe go to the authorities about it? he might still be doing it to other minors or worse. I'm so sorry ur grandmother is a big ASSHOLE for not listening to you :<<< I hope ur doing okay rn I'm sending loads of virtual hugs to u :<

 

[cait_sith]

When my father died in front of me out of nowhere
When I became half-blind from eye infection
When my mother died on hospital when I was 11.

 

[yoahii]

There was some stuff that felt traumatic to me in some degree, but they don't bother me as much now. One of them was my older brother, for three years since I was 7 to ten years old, I would get my ass beat by him. Choking, punching, get kicked, he would pin me down and choke me or hitting me in the head with the TV remote or his phone. He was 5 years older than me at that time, so I feel as if I shouldn't blame him as much because we were both kids. He would also touch my chest, as a form of punishment. If I was "annoying", which was just me sitting near him, he would touch my chest until I'm crying and begging for him to stop because it would hurt me but he wouldn't listen. During this period of time, i would tell my mom and she would say that it was normal and he's preparing me for highschool. He also killed a baby bird for the purpose of making me upset when i was seven. (the baby bird I tried to help when it was storming) I also got ridiculed a lot by him and family, which developed me to get social anxiety, I got diagnosed with depression and social anxiety at ten. The only reason why he stopped was because my family was made aware of me trying to kill myself by overdosing on my Antidepressants, that was when I was ten. Obviously, i wouldn't blame him for the way I am now. I believe that's my own fault. I still love him and always will. There's a lot others like my cousin attempting to rape me when i was seven, he also had a weird crush on me. I started getting into substance abuse when I was twelve like getting drunk, taking pills, and so on and I would go out when high. I later got jumped and it affected how my brain is so I have some problems now. Witnessing drug abuse (another brother), seeing him get tased by police, him fighting my dad and brother that happened when I was around six. Bullying at school when I was younger. And having to go to multiple psych units when I was like 12-14. There's a lot.