Venting What was the dumbest, people have told you about your mental illness?

[Thingsneverchange]

I'll go first: A few days ago someone told me: "I don't understand why you're sad. You have warm and cold water, just be happy about it!"

 

[oliviahurts]

My father when discovering I'd been cutting myself sighed heavaly and said to my mother, "I don't believe it, you've given birth to a waistrel."

 

[Thingsneverchange]

My father when discovering I'd been cutting myself sighed heavaly and said to my mother, "I don't believe it, you've given birth to a waistrel."

Thats so dumb. Sorry you had to hear that.

 

[Flippy]

I'll go first: A few days ago someone told me: "I don't understand why you're sad. You have warm and cold water, just be happy about it!"

I think this says a lot about how materialistic people are. They think that depression is due to sadness that you don't have something. Like you or I will cheer up and decide not to be suicidal if I "just appreciate what you have." Fucking idiots, I've been very grateful for what I have, I know very well what it's like not to have basic things. I can only infer that the only thing that makes them depressed is not having enough stuff.

As for one of the dumbest things I've been told. That would probably be "depression is a choice."

It's always amazed me how self indulgent someone must be that they apparently "choose" to be depressed sometimes for kicks and giggles, so they assume we all do the same.

 

[Darkmoon Queen]

When I confessed to cutting, "I don't get it, why don't you just masturbate or something"

 

[Murakami'sCat]

"Oh, its not that bad, you could have cancer or something."
"Why can't you just be happy?"
My favourite - "It's just an excuse to behave badly"

 

[Darkmoon Queen]

"Oh, its not that bad, you could have cancer or something."
"Why can't you just be happy?"
My favourite - "It's just an excuse to behave badly"

I loathe the cancer analogy and so many use it. Being distraught and afraid because you have cancer is not the same as a long term pervasive set of beliefs that cause flat affect.

Both are bad, don't get me wrong, but the comparison is just like apples and pears yet people are determined to stick to it.

 

[littlelungs]

Where do I fucking begin.

"What traumatized you isn't happening now, be grateful for the present!" - MIL

"Your mental illness is all in your head." - too many people to list.

"You're just clinically depressed; drink a supplement drink, go for a walk and go back to school." - ER physician

"You can't even enjoy a vacation without anxiety and ruining the trip for everyone else. Shame on you." - my dad to me, age 11

"Just try going for a hike. It will make you feel better both mentally and physically, trust me." - old acquaintance, after I said that I was too physically ill to stand for more than 5-10 minutes at a time without vomiting/passing out

"Don't feel that way." - again, too many people to list.

"You fit 9/9 criteria for borderline personality disorder. A significant percentage of people with this disorder attempt suicide and succeed. So I guess I'll see you in 2 weeks for your follow-up appointment... if you're still around." - my former psychiatrist, before smirking and leaving the examination room

"I don't feel sorry for you at all. If you really want to die then just fucking kill yourself already. Don't *try*, just fucking do it!" - my dad

"You just need to go out into nature, get naked, surround yourself with rocks that you picked, light some incense and meditate. Nature is the best medicine." - former coworker

"Just because you're diagnosed with mental illness doesn't mean you have to act like it. You really just need to get out of your head." - ex-boyfriend

"I feel like you just don't want to go back to work." - another former psychiatrist, who refused to fill out my disability paperwork because I couldn't get into a DBT program for financial/accessibility rreasons

I could keep going, but I think you get the picture. Fucking people, man.

 

[Darkmoon Queen]

Where do I fucking begin.

"What traumatized you isn't happening now, be grateful for the present!" - MIL

"Your mental illness is all in your head." - too many people to list.

"You're just clinically depressed; drink a supplement drink, go for a walk and go back to school." - ER physician

"You can't even enjoy a vacation without anxiety and ruining the trip for everyone else. Shame on you." - my dad to me, age 11

"Just try going for a hike. It will make you feel better both mentally and physically, trust me." - old acquaintance, after I said that I was too physically ill to stand for more than 5-10 minutes at a time without vomiting/passing out

"Don't feel that way." - again, too many people to list.

"You fit 9/9 criteria for borderline personality disorder. A significant percentage of people with this disorder attempt suicide and succeed. So I guess I'll see you in 2 weeks for your follow-up appointment... if you're still around." - my former psychiatrist, before smirking and leaving the examination room

"I don't feel sorry for you at all. If you really want to die then just fucking kill yourself already. Don't *try*, just fucking do it!" - my dad

"You can't even make it to ONE [social event]? It's not that hard." - former friend

"You just need to go out into nature, get naked, surround yourself with rocks that you picked, light some incense and meditate. Nature is the best medicine." - former coworker

"Just because you're diagnosed with mental illness doesn't mean you have to act like it. You really just need to get out of your head." - ex-boyfriend

"I feel like you just don't want to go back to work." - another former psychiatrist, who refused to fill out my disability paperwork because I couldn't get into a DBT program for financial/accessibility rreasons

I could keep going, but I think you get the picture. Fucking people, man.

Funny that the people who have never had mental health problems are magically the authority on them. That naked incense thing is possibly the most ridiculous thing I've heard. "Bad news, I caused a forest fire, good news, I'm no longer depressed!"

 

[Anxieyote]

Years ago, I remember asking people to talk me off the ledge on Reddit when I was experiencing suicidal thoughts.

Somebody answered: "If you die now, you won't be able to play Fallout 4 when it comes out."

It was such a ridiculous suggestion to me that I couldn't help but laugh. I forget that gamers place a spiritual level of importance on these game releases. You must not be particularly bothered by life if a videogame can prevent you from ending yours.

 

[Darkmoon Queen]

Years ago, I remember asking people to talk me off the ledge on Reddit when I was experiencing suicidal thoughts.

Somebody answered: "If you die now, you won't be able to play Fallout 4 when it comes out."

It was such a ridiculous suggestion to me that I couldn't help but laugh. I forget that gamers place a spiritual level of importance on these game releases. You must not be particularly bothered by life if a videogame can prevent you from ending yours.

As a gamer and a depressive, I fucking wish a new release had the power to get me off a ledge. I can muster a certain level of, "oh nice" when I see an announcement or whatever but not the childlike joy of yesteryear. Maybe that's the problem.

 

[Anxieyote]

As a gamer and a depressive, I fucking wish a new release had the power to get me off a ledge. I can muster a certain level of, "oh nice" when I see an announcement or whatever but not the childlike joy of yesteryear. Maybe that's the problem.

Other things become more important over time. I also used to obsessively keep track of new game releases, and eagerly anticipate them. But these days, I really can't think of a single game or series I would still get excited for.

I don't own any game consoles, and I just play mobile games when I am bored. I'd be just as happy with Solitaire as I would with a big AAA game. I get the same level of satisfaction from both.

The last game I got somewhat excited for was Amnesia: Rebirth because that series was the only one that could pierce through my emotional fog and actually make me feel something, but it was pretty underwhelming. I don't anticipate any videogames helping me in the future.

 

[oliviahurts]

Where do I fucking begin.
[...]

Urgh these are really bad.

Reminds me of when I went to my GP about trauma from past abuse and he asked me to tell him the worst thing my father did to me, which he responded with "sounds like he was just playing".

Years ago, I remember asking people to talk me off the ledge on Reddit when I was experiencing suicidal thoughts.

Somebody answered: "If you die now, you won't be able to play Fallout 4 when it comes out."

It was such a ridiculous suggestion to me that I couldn't help but laugh. I forget that gamers place a spiritual level of importance on these game releases. You must not be particularly bothered by life if a videogame can prevent you from ending yours.

A friend whose also a redditor said that he didn't understand why someone would kill themselves just before The Big Election. Wouldn't they really want to know the result.
At the time I found this endearing. But later when we was planning a holiday he responded to me saying that I was too stressed and was thinking of cancelling with, "I don't see how going on holiday could be stressful."

 

[Thingsneverchange]

Where do I fucking begin.

"What traumatized you isn't happening now, be grateful for the present!" - MIL

"Your mental illness is all in your head." - too many people to list.

"You're just clinically depressed; drink a supplement drink, go for a walk and go back to school." - ER physician

"You can't even enjoy a vacation without anxiety and ruining the trip for everyone else. Shame on you." - my dad to me, age 11

"Just try going for a hike. It will make you feel better both mentally and physically, trust me." - old acquaintance, after I said that I was too physically ill to stand for more than 5-10 minutes at a time without vomiting/passing out

"Don't feel that way." - again, too many people to list.

"You fit 9/9 criteria for borderline personality disorder. A significant percentage of people with this disorder attempt suicide and succeed. So I guess I'll see you in 2 weeks for your follow-up appointment... if you're still around." - my former psychiatrist, before smirking and leaving the examination room

"I don't feel sorry for you at all. If you really want to die then just fucking kill yourself already. Don't *try*, just fucking do it!" - my dad

"You just need to go out into nature, get naked, surround yourself with rocks that you picked, light some incense and meditate. Nature is the best medicine." - former coworker

"Just because you're diagnosed with mental illness doesn't mean you have to act like it. You really just need to get out of your head." - ex-boyfriend

"I feel like you just don't want to go back to work." - another former psychiatrist, who refused to fill out my disability paperwork because I couldn't get into a DBT program for financial/accessibility rreasons

I could keep going, but I think you get the picture. Fucking people, man.

I had a trainee at my psych ward tell me: Well I don't know why you're suffering so much since you don't have a "real" problem like a disabled child or so

 

[suicidesheep31]

I had a trainee at my psych ward tell me: Well I don't know why you're suffering so much since you don't have a "real" problem like a disabled child or so

That's not really smart from them. I am sure that your suffering is real. HUG

 

[WhatDoesTheFoxSay?]

Even though there's some truth to it,

"Negative thinking makes you sick/is harmful to your health."

The people saying this may have my best interests at heart, but I feel like I'm being gaslit, as they seem to suggest that I am to blame for my ill health.

I can muster a certain level of, "oh nice" when I see an announcement or whatever but not the childlike joy of yesteryear.

As a fellow gamer, this hits too close to home.

 

[Flippy]

Even though there's some truth to it,

"Negative thinking makes you sick/is harmful to your health."

The people saying this may have my best interests at heart, but I feel like I'm being gaslit, as they seem to suggest that I am to blame for my ill health.

I would get them to explain exactly how you "think negatively". Socratic Irony can be quite useful to establish if you are being gaslit! When I've asked people to explain how I exhibit the actions they accuse me of, when they gaslight me, more often than not, they can't come up with a single example.

Usually they respond with the old favourite "ad hoc rescue" and say "you just do" or it "just is".

 

[Anxieyote]

A friend whose also a redditor said that he didn't understand why someone would kill themselves just before The Big Election. Wouldn't they really want to know the result.

Lol election results? Does he actually think a sitting President would ever do something to drastically improve the life of a suicidal person? The best thing they could do is legalize euthanasia for all humans.

 

[Thingsneverchange]

Another one I just remembered: Once a nurse in the psych ward said: "Why do you cut yourself? Everyone will think you're just going with the trend."

Lmao idc about any trend, I do it to make me feel better.

 

[oliviahurts]

Another one I just remembered: Once a nurse in the psych ward said: "Why do you cut yourself? Everyone will think you're just going with the trend."

Lmao idc about any trend, I do it to make me feel better.

People think, when they hear about young people doing things, "I didn't know anyone who self harmed when I was young". Then conclude that it must be a new trend. When the trend is far more likely to be people talking about things like this more.

 

[Thingsneverchange]

People think, when they hear about young people doing things, "I didn't know anyone who self harmed when I was young". Then conclude that it must be a new trend. When the trend is far more likely to be people talking about things like this more.

Well I know that there was some kind of trend about this a few years ago. I wasnt depressed back then so I didn't cut but it makes people who actually are depressed as fakers

 

[Darkmoon Queen]

Another one I just remembered: Once a nurse in the psych ward said: "Why do you cut yourself? Everyone will think you're just going with the trend."

Lmao idc about any trend, I do it to make me feel better.

Sounds like she knew sweet fuck all about her job and had just as much empathy. Sadly the case with a lot of lower level psych staff. I feel like they get into the job so they can show off how caring they are whereas they're anything but.

 

[lofticries]

Not so much of saying but more of doing. My dad thinking I'm possessed and putting religious objects in my room.

 

[miserableforever]

To snap out of it cause I'm either just pretending or too attractive to be this crazy..

 

[Flippy]

I'm getting some others coming to mind but the main one is one that was mentioned earlier by @littlelungs where people tell you that you should not be affected by past trauma. The "its not happening right now" argument is interesting interpretation of actions and consequences. Here's a suggestion for people who offer this idea....Why don't we go nuts all over your car with a lump hammer and then we can see how effective your philosophy is at making the dents disappear?

 

[WhatDoesTheFoxSay?]

I would get them to explain exactly how you "think negatively". Socratic Irony can be quite useful to establish if you are being gaslit! When I've asked people to explain how I exhibit the actions they accuse me of, when they gaslight me, more often than not, they can't come up with a single example.

Usually they respond with the old favourite "ad hoc rescue" and say "you just do" or it "just is".

That's an interesting idea! Gaslighting the gaslighter.

Thing is, the people that say this are usually the ones close to me, whom I'm on good terms, and don't want to burn bridges with. I know they mean well, but sometimes the truth can be a bitter pill to swallow.

Why don't we go nuts all over your car with a lump hammer and then we can see how effective your philosophy is at making the dents disappear?

A fitting analogy.

 

[Flippy]

That's an interesting idea! Gaslighting the gaslighter.

Thing is, the people that say this are usually the ones close to me, whom I'm on good terms, and don't want to burn bridges with. I know they mean well, but sometimes the truth can be a bitter pill to swallow.

An apt analogy.

That can be tricky to deal with for sure :-( But I don't think its really gaslighting them as you are basically asking them to back up their claims with some evidence. If someone can't demonstrate that you are actually doing the things they claim you are then, I would suggest that they probably aren't being honest.

Solving problems depends on honesty. You can't solve a problem by pretending it's something other than it is. I find that I keep on encountering people, particularly in positions of authority who are absolutely incapable of this level of intellectual honesty.

When I am asked to solve a problem, I don't have to luxury in my areas of expertise (I guess its fair to call it that lol) to pretend like this. If I'm repairing a car that has faulty brakes, I can't pretend its something more desirable, like a blown headlight. I can't make excuses like "oh you just need to want the car to stop more".

Sadly people can pretend when talking about subjective things or they can pretend that something objective is subjective. If I had a pound or a dollar for every time I've heard the old argument "well its true for me" or "it's my truth", I would be as rich as Elon Musk. This kind of muddling of concepts is a real problem in society, particularly in the age of the internet. The truth is the truth, it exists objectively. It doesn't change because someone doesn't agree with or like it.

I suspect the reason why, compared to some other people, I have a better understanding of this, is likely because I have spent a good deal of my life learning about computers and their electronics. Theres no room for "maybes" in these systems, if something doesn't switch into a specific state then the system doesn't work, theres no debate or compromise. Either something is true or its false.

My suspicion is not without merit, there was a study conducted where researchers developed a language based on logic and taught it to subjects. What they found out was that their very way of thinking changed and they became more logical and (if i remember correctly) they grew frustrated with people who basically thought truth/reality was negotiable.

The subject of "gaslighting" both fascinates and irritates me (as you may have guessed by this lengthy reply). Often people who gaslight will claim they do so to help others and I find this excuse particularly repellent. If you genuinely want to help someone solve a problem, you can't do so by being dishonest about what is causing it.

 

[everydayiloveyou]

When I was growing up, the adults in my life would always say things like "being the way you are isn't cute anymore" and "you know you can't be like this at college or at work right?" referring to my intense social anxiety.


like...... duh??? I mean I was hardly functioning as a 12-year-old. plus why would I cry at random times just to be cute?

I don't know why that was their response to me, as if I'd think about what they said and come back the next day ready to be the life of the party.

 

[sick.faery]

everyone i've ever told about my stuff has always been super nice about it, except my uncle.
every time he sees me he tells me that i need to just stop being mentally ill and get over it cos it hurts my parents, or kill myself so they don't have to deal with me anymore...
dude litterally thinks i can just switch it off if i want. he also thinks part of why i have what i have is that i want attention and i don't want any responsability in my life. so that's why i haven't snapped out of it yet

 

[ClownMe]

"ItS aLl In YoUr HeAd!"

-my mother.