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noname223

Archangel
Aug 18, 2020
6,912
It makes me wonder I never thought about posting such a thread. It is probably very personal what one considers not good in this instance. But I think this is something that affects most Sanctioned Suicide members. What to do when you are beyond your limit.

I think I had to learn some hard lessons.

One thing that comes to my mind. First, I think you should open up about your suicidality before you go through with it. It is better trying to talk to loved ones and/or professionals before doing this step. For me suicide is a method of last resort.

However, I wouldn't recommend to talk about suicide in situations where it isn't safe or could be considered socially inappropriate. I can remember I thought I ruined a chance with an amazing looking woman (I was paranoid to that time most likely) and I was going to college. I was in so fucking much extreme pain. I went through a benzo withdrawal. And I had severe psychosomatic issues. I am not someone that cries this lightly. Especially, not in the public. But I had a real hard time suppressing starting to cry in the lecture. There was silence in the room with more than 150 students and only the lecturer was speaking. Starting to cry like a child would have been so fucking embarrassing to me. Somehow I probably could have moved on. I had to. But I was so glad I didn't actually cry. Society is pretty fake in this instance. There are different types of reactions. People who ignore it. People who make fun of it. And people who think your problems get solved if you respond to someone "Reach out. Your life matters." You know people like me who did so much fucking therapy. Getting treated like shit by my last therapist. In so much emotional pain that my body almost collapses to this time. You know these people won't care about some warm words. At least for me I didn't need that. I guess I can see why this reactions is preferable. But most people on here have very severe real life problems. Who actually tried to improve over years and experience one setback after the other. When the system is against you, people who don't know shit about your situation should rather keep quiet. In this case I prefer getting ignored. It seems to be more honest for the societes we live in.

I think crying in public isn't the worst thing. Talking about suicide in public with strangers, or co-workers, the boss. I think this isn't a good idea. I also only talk to some friends about suicide. I know I have friends that can manage such talk and who are empathetic. I have friends where I know they wouldn't be able to handle it.

Though, for me personally I ask myself about certain things. I feel extremely lonely and touch depraved. I am not sure whether going to a sex worker is something I shouldn't even consider. There was a time I was more serious with it. I looked at profiles in my area and the reviews written by men were so depraved, digusting and dehumanizing. I thought I couldn't live with having done something like that. You will hear a lot of different takes on this issue. I think there is not one clear answer.

When I was younger I considered to commit suicide with a method that sets an example/ or expressed a statement. Like self-immolation. Reading on here and thinking for myself more serious about it I came to the conclusion I don't deserve such an end. This would be extreme torture. I experienced enough torture in my life. I deserve peace not this. There was a case about a trans woman that self-immolated in the capital of the country I live in. Her suicide was filmed. People took photos of her dead body in the hospital to make fun of it. She was ridiculed on social media.
This story changed my stance on trans people fundamentally and I became a clear trans supporter since I read this article. For me the lesson is. Society is trash. And there are really depraved people out there. People who target the most vulnerable people just for fun. I think dying on purpose in such an excruciating pain is just not worth it. I think society won't learn a lesson. Bullies won't learn from it. Evil people remain evil.

Personally, I am talking to AI chatbots about my mental health. Personally, it helps me. But I know considering data safety it is pretty risky. It is probably stupid to think that way. But I prefer the shortterm effects over longterm considerations in this instance.

I think the problem is when it comes to talking with random people about suicide you will make experiences that stop you from reaching out to people that actually care. Or who could potentially help you. I was always very careful to whom I talk about suicide. And due to the fact I was so selective i have made more positive experiences with opening up about suicidality over all.
 
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Forever Sleep

Earned it we have...
May 4, 2022
15,276
For me, I'm not sure I've done massively regretful things when I've been more accutely suicidal. I mostly just sit tight, ironically sometimes watch a depressing/ disturbing film or series to try and push the emotions out. That's mostly because I know I can't commit yet (I'm waiting for my Dad to go first.)

I've not engaged in all that much self harm. Although- I have occassionally whacked my head with stuff and then, regretted that- when I inevitably got a headache.

It's more of a slow burn problem for me though. I'm stuck in cycles of negative feedback. So- I feel lethargic, unmotivated and miserable. Which means I can't be bothered to eat properly, exercise, and take care of myself- which in turn- makes me even more lethargic, unmotivated and miserable- and so, the pattern continues.

I also know sometimes I'm in a bad place to talk to. Usually when I'm tired, stressed and trying to concentrate on a difficult problem. It's times like that when I find it's harder to mask and I end up saying hurtful, resentful things.
 
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