What triggers your suicidal thoughts?

[WitheringAway]

For me, suicide is always in the back of my mind it's like a drug or something once you feel the comfort of it all getting over with with death you can't let go of that. It's like a feeling that I can actually have some control over what happens to me. ANY minor inconvenience, mood swing, and something that reminds me of a certain scenario, event, people or whatever happens in my dark past pushes me over the edge. Today at work I've contemplated never going back home and killing myself on an impulse cus of me overthinking certain things that have been said to me earlier. Anything triggers me and death is always the answer for me. And to be completely honest with you I don't feel like I'm the type of smart who would actually plan my suicide through. Killing myself will be 100% inevitable and I can guarantee you that it will happen on an impulse.

 

[Oblivion Access]

Waking up. Being sober. Social interactions, even neutral or positive ones make me feel like a fucking failure, an alien that doesn't belong on this planet. Thinking about work or money, being confronted with the consumerist nature of existence, especially in the present socioeconomic order. Seeing people my age or younger doing things I can't. Honestly, anytime I have to look away from a screen and face my thoughts. I don't remember what it's like to NOT have near constant suicidal thoughts, though Kratom makes it so I can sometimes go a few hours without them. Cheers, disgusting leaf powder.

 

[domedune]

Having a method at hand makes me feel better. I have a certain psychology and so do some others: knowing how to kill oneself and being capable makes them feel better, and ironically, makes one less likely to try. For me, my biggest trigger is moving/housing insecurity/eviction threats/angry family and landlords. If I have nowhere to stay, I know where I'm going.

The sick world around me would be a bigger trigger if I didn't feel so guilty leaving without doing anything about it.

 

[FuneralCry]

In my case, I constantly have thoughts of suicide. I never want to live and even little things make me feel worse. I cannot cope with life and I am not meant for this world. I never should have existed in the first place. To me, the thought of not existing is so comforting. All I want is to escape this awful and depressing world.

 

[Circles]

Being alone. Seeing people with others or in relationships. Seeing how happy someone else can be in someone's life and knowing I can't ever have that experience.

Not being able to do adult shit or things people do my age.

 

[WhiteRabbit]

I'm at the point where I immediately have thoughts of CTB after any slightly negative event. Lost my keys? "I should just kill myself". Small argument with my husband? "He'll be better off without me". Waking up in the morning? "Oh god, not this shit again".

There is this feeling of dread that never leaves me. It sucks.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Usually it's seeing other people being happy in certain ways I know I can never experience for myself.

Sometimes it's just watching two people debate and realizing nothing they're doing is going to convince the other and I can't do anything to make them agree on something either.

Often times just waking up is enough to make me wish I was back asleep only permanently…

 

[Hangnailinajar]

A number of things.
Sauerkraut and turkey exist..that's my biggest reason
When my older relatives die..I feel like I lost my only friends.
Feeling like I'm not close to anyone.
I just wanna drink coffee and be left alone man :(
Money/power dynamic in society<---It's not always about my own life.
Wars/other human habits.
Socializing poorly..(also I was abusive/extremely rude to people and sometimes without knowing it at all at the time. but I feel guilty for all of it. how minor or small or how long ago it was.)
I feel guilty for being in what seems to be my own world, being 23 and being completely immature..
I feel like I can't do anything, or want to do anything besides sit around/be online/hang out with cats and dogs/clean/make "art"/fix things/small problem solving/thinking of ideas

 

[slushy]

Being conscious. Just living.

 

[thinkkank]

my current circumstances and knowing that the future will be worse

 

[Someone123]

Waking up. I wish I was kidding.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

It's often something small, funny enough. Like today I bought an air filter for my car, tried to install it, and noticed right away it was the wrong kind. I'd cut my hands up accessing that part of the engine and I just felt like throwing myself off a cliff in that moment. It doesn't take much to make me miserable, even if the cause is easily remedied.

 

[demuic]

Interacting with people, seeing people interact with each other, repetitive thought loops, thinking about money, society, health issues, power dynamics, the endless cycle of suffering willingly perpetuated by every living being. Remembering that I still exist.

 

[Life sucks]

A lot of things. Physical and mental pain, trauma, abuse, I can't really count but the consistent trigger is time because it makes everything deteriorates.

Also I'm experiencing complicated ans painful brain pain now that makes me want to ctb

 

[PlushieLover]

They are literally random. I could be having the best time of my life and then I would suddenly feel depressed. Is really annoying when you are with someone because they think is their fault :/

 

[ClownMe]

Waking up is probably the biggest one.

 

[littlelungs]

I know it's kind of an expected answer here, but honestly, just having to live with myself in this bullshit world constantly triggers my suicidality, and the triggers can vary a lot in terms of significance, for lack of a better word. I feel suicidal when I wake up, when I have to go to the washroom, when I have to eat, when I hear about the latest atrocities of humankind, when I see the same lame joke be repeated in comment sections, when I have to send emails or when I feel pressured into replying to people within a certain amount of time, when I remember how cruel people are to animals and how desperately they try to justify it, my PTSD and the sick fucks behind it, the fact that I don't remember a period of innocence in my life, unsolicited advice, people who just can't wrap their heads around the fact that I'm severely chronically ill with a number physical and mental conditions, many of which are treatment-resistant or don't have a cure, having to explain myself over and over again... it's just never seems to end, and just about everything makes me wish I were dead, with very few exceptions.

This life has been fucking excruciating and I'm pissed off by the fact that I merely exist. I think part of the reason I've made it this long is, ironically enough, because I also always had the comfort of knowing that I always had the option to just end it all.

 

[Weebster]

When one of my health problems acts up.

 

[Crazy4u]

I think it is easier to answer what doesn't trigger ctb thoughts. In my case, false hope and mood swings protect me from ctb thoughts. Some minor positive interactions also help

 

[AfterLife]

When your thoughts disappear, you become a slave of others, and the owner who uses me always helps someone, so you are valuable in society, so you are happy enough as you are, and you feel the value of life after receiving food...

 

[Lost Magic]

sad, regretful, mentally Ill, broken and alone. All of these feelings are brought on because a sick society deemed me unworthy of happiness. It's an uncaring and relentlessly cruel world for outcasts.

 

[Message In A Bottle]

Aging. I hate the fact I'll become old, wrinkly, and undesirable one day. i feel like as you grow older, people care less and less about you. I'm already starting to notice that I don't get as much attention now that I'm not a minor anymore. Hopefully what I'm saying isn't triggering for anyone, it probably isn't true mind you - but I can't shake the notion to the fact that it is.

 

[Toonloon]

Breathing.......jk ......but seriously like worrying about money, going on a date, going to school, going to the store and talking to people causing me to freak out cause I overthink everything I'm doing.

Talking to pedophiles at work. Doing more than 5 hr long shifts at work. Lots of things really.

 

[StrangePossum]

Trying to talk to people and not knowing how to. Trying to do work but feeling a constant sense of anxiety in the back of my mind. People telling me what I'm doing wrong. People telling me that I'm too slow. Looking up housing prices, lol. When I had a job, the suicidal thoughts always got stronger right before my shifts. Especially early morning shifts, those sucked lol. I would stay up late wanting to die so I didn't have to go in the next day.

 

[symphony]

I just about always have some form of passive suicidal ideation going on in the back of my head. But some things are likely to make it more immediate to the point that I'm thinking about hanging myself ASAP instead of waiting until I have a good plan, means, and opportunity. They include:

• Confrontation
• Thinking about the future, especially the prospect of facing another day (e.g. when waking up or going to sleep)
• Feeling threatened
• Feeling scared or panicky
• Feeling upset for any reason

 

[Someone123]

Consciousness.

 

[DeutscheKartoffel]

dog Chinese government and not able to leave

 

[Feeding Pigeons]

If I get angry it tends to evolve into being depressed and suicidal. People have said on here that comparing yourself to other people isn't fair and its unhealthy but even from an objective point of view I know I'm a fucking loser. If I stop distracting myself that re-realization sinks back into me. Mentally I'm always trying to run away from that thought.

 

[Dyingtoleave]

For me its the feeling of not accomplishing anything and not knowing what to do everything constantly changing

 

[Ethereal Knight]

- sleep deprivation (#1)
- loneliness
- lack of sex or touch
- financial insecurity