The effect of alcohol/whatever on your CTB thoughts?

[Mkeblair]

I know for me, when I drink (I'm an alcoholic who has been trying to quit for several months), my CTB thoughts are EXTREMELY heightened. Does anyone else notice that their desire to end it all is greatly increased when they're drinking and/or are under the influence of something?

I mean, sober, I want to CTB most of the time, as that's just how I've always been, however, when I'm buzzed/drunk, I have actually sat here with the barrel of one of my guns in my mouth, contemplating why I don't have the balls to just pull the trigger and be done, and I just cry.... Like a bitch....

 

[schrei_nach_liebe]

Alcohol is pretty well-associated with lowered inhibitions and higher impulsivity and a large part of alcoholism is a compounding runaway effect on depression. It's a tough nut to crack. I don't notice my own thoughts change much as a result of being inebriated, but you can't be a very good judge of yourself when intoxicated. Most people aren't when they're sober. I've rode the thin and blurry line between self-medicating and full-blown alcoholism more than once and if you take that whole period of time abusing alcohol I'd probably say my thoughts were darker than if I wasn't abusing it. But at a baseline I'm still not seeing a future for myself.

 

[annasplight]

When I drink, I feel waves better. I haven't drank in a while, but it's the only time I feel normal.

 

[Mkeblair]

Alcohol is pretty well-associated with lowered inhibitions and higher impulsivity and a large part of alcoholism is a compounding runaway effect on depression. It's a tough nut to crack. I don't notice my own thoughts change much as a result of being inebriated, but you can't be a very good judge of yourself when intoxicated. Most people aren't when they're sober. I've rode the thin and blurry line between self-medicating and full-blown alcoholism more than once and if you take that whole period of time abusing alcohol I'd probably say my thoughts were darker than if I wasn't abusing it. But at a baseline I'm still not seeing a future for myself.

Wow. That may be one of the most insightful answers to any post that I have ever read.

I truly appreciate your insight.