I have no motivation to do anything. Only thing I do in my free time is gaming or laying in bed like right now. It seems like there is no point in doing anything , Im gradually loosing interest in things I liked to do before. What do you do, when everything seems so pointless, when even death itself seems pointless. Whats the point in dying, if it doesnt matter. Whats the point in living, if it doesnt matter. I feel like overall there is no point in doing anything. I feel like a husk. Im in this mindset very often, exams used to pull me out of it for a while, since I was studying for them, but now that doesnt do anything. I have a test tomorrow, barely studied, if things go bad I will get a bad grade, it kinda doesnt matter to me anymore. I also used to cry a lot. Now I dont cry as often anymore, it became more pointless as well. Self harm helps me a bit, the pain distracts me. But the intensity of the feeling I get, when doing it, is already deteriating. I wonder how I can end my life with this mindset.
Logically, human life (in this moment of time and space) is pointless. On a macro scale, humans reproduce because it is biologically embedded into our brains--the need to continue a species. Were essentially a 'germ' that keeps producing more colonies while consuming the resources to sustain us. Were a product of evolution that took xxxxxxxxxxxx years in the making. A body containing groups of cells with underlying markers (DNA) where each are trying to accomplish their own task, but still communicate with others in a series of networks.
The thing with being human though, is embracing the 'illogical' part--the humanity and the mortality of your life. Survival instinct can help us find ground again when our complex, jelly brains are fogged by our emotions (those electrical and chemical reactions happening inside of us). Walking closer to death makes you aware of options that felt like they didn't exist before.
But, if those options were already there to begin with--then why didn't you see them before?
You didn't rationalize and relax.
You have to trick your brain into thinking it's happy.
'I failed the test. That's fine, I'll still finish this class with a passing grade!'
'I failed the test, and failed the class. That's fine, I'll re-take it and pass it on my next attempt because I know I can.'
'I failed the test, and it caused me to get kicked out of college. That's fine, I know I can find another career path that can make me happy.'
You're giving up on college? Why? Consider what it is that makes you dis-interested. Is it the field you're studying? Are you not challeneged?
This is your journey, and only you can find what your drive is. But to find it, be in a clear state of mind, and think about what brings you joy and excitement.
