what to do about friends?

[dontwannadie]

haha i'm back on this site after 6 years of inactivity because the suicidal ideations are never gone, just dormant. anyways. i'm afraid my friends will be angry at me. i can tell they've noticed something's been off with me and while i don't think their feelings will change my mind, i would like to have some peace. i don't know how my family will feel. i've already cut ties with most of them.

i want to go someplace secluded and after i acquire SN (somehow?!!) i want to go peacefully with my favorite blankie and stuffed animal. i don't want my roommate or friends to find me. if someone does, i want it to look like an accident. i'm not leaving a note. i'm getting rid of my diaries and any trace of my morbid thoughts although im sure the cops will find a way to link me to this account. i need some advice.

reading stories about people whose friends CTB is so devastatingly heartbreaking. especially if they found the body. i don't want to damage my friends. i've been feeling so alone lately and it's not like they reach out anyway but i guess im just thinking of my best friend/roommate in this scenario. we share 3 cats together and have lived together for about 3 years now. i keep telling myself im doing a selfish thing but its the only thing i feel i have control over. im not as scared as i was before, im just confused. i know i'll be forgotten after im gone but causing more damage to my friends worries me. 2 of my closest friends lost their parents, i hate thinking about adding on to the long list of dead relatives and friends.

 

[Aflame5926]

that the consequence of your action.

if you can't do it because of this then why not reach out to them?
what the worst thing that can happen if you ask any of your friends to hang out?

you already have the answer no but if you ask you can get a yes

maybe they are really busy and can use a netflix and chill type of thing.

work these days can be so extreme hectic.

 

[bl33ding_heart]

How long has it been since these suicidal feelings first returned, and are you sure there is no solution to your problems besides death? And if your friends don't bother to reach out I don't see why you're concerned about your death harming them. They don't seem like real friends.

 

[dontwannadie]

that the consequence of your action.

if you can't do it because of this then why not reach out to them?
what the worst thing that can happen if you ask any of your friends to hang out?

you already have the answer no but if you ask you can get a yes

maybe they are really busy and can use a netflix and chill type of thing.

work these days can be so extreme hectic.

i'm currently in the process of isolating myself so the consequences aren't that damaging. i haven't been in the mood to hang out with or even text my friends because of all the turmoil and in my eyes, it seems like it's not rly affecting them. honestly not sure what kind of answers i'm looking for.

 

[SadGirl]

Well, I don't know what your method for suicide would be. But since you want it to look like an accident, you can look for some ways. If you're sure about suicide, you shouldn't worry about friends or family. My family doesn't care when I say I want to commit suicide, they don't take it seriously. Until the day I actually do it right. But I don't have much to tell you, from someone who has attempted suicide several times, mainly by hanging (the last time I spent 18 days in a psychiatric clinic).

 

[Aflame5926]

i'm currently in the process of isolating myself so the consequences aren't that damaging. i haven't been in the mood to hang out with or even text my friends because of all the turmoil and in my eyes, it seems like it's not rly affecting them. honestly not sure what kind of answers i'm looking for.

To be honest reading your message im not really sure you actually want to commit.

but i think the isolation is making it worser to be honest.
and since you still seeking answers my opinion would be that you either seek help contact friends or anything that breaks your current spiral down.

i dont know much about you. i dont know what pain you are carrying.

But i do think that for CTB you need to be clear headed and really support your descision.

also this is just my opinion. take it as a grain of salt. (not SN put pun intented)

 

[E4syW3y0u7]

I don't think there is a good way to deal with it.

I've personally ghosted everyone 6 months ago and it hurts every day but i cannot face people that care about me when i'm only obsessed with ending it.

Somehow by doing this i'd hope it makes it easier for them or maybe it's something else.

 

[tonicer]

I have no friends but a mother who is and always was a very good parent to me. I can't go before her. She turns 80 next year and has maybe 10 years left so i have to somehow manage it for that long at the very fucking least. I don't know how, that's my problem. Each day is a struggle. So if you love your friends maybe wait a while maybe something happens that helps you in your specific situation. Maybe you can slowly loose them so they are not that hurt when they hear about your suicide?!