am i supposed to be the perfect kid for my mom and dad, live as per their conservative expectations which surely bind me under a lot of societal constraints? i don't mind that you know, i am just not aware of what i have to be?
am i supposed to be a rebel kid, doing their own thing, being absolutely fucking selfish but living with no limits to my thinking and imagination. i can sure i can i won't object (much), although i don't know how to live but not care about living organisms around me? and if i have to care about someone eventually, why would i not care about my parents whom i owe so much?
am i supposed to be those all planned out kids ( college ) who do everything with a plan, wake up at 00:00, do this at 00:00, learn a new skill at 00:00, go to gym at 00:00? that is selfish to me too, that is soulless to me in some ways.
am i supposed to be a pathetic people pleaser, sensitive and emotional person that obviously everybody finds cheesy or average?
wtf am i supposed to do?
how tf am i supposed to live?
how do i choose to continue to live, but avoid the hatred that comes inside of my mind through continuous living? to not get manipulate by my surrounding? to not ever forget her amidst the high dopamine drug live materialistic obsession that people have when they live?
to not live a life of my own but to not affect anyone else's adversely?
, to not be deemed as imperfect by the society?
i cannot not care about people's judgements anymore no matter how hard i try.
fuck it, i am hitting post. thanks for reading mate that was really generous of you. i can sleep knowing i told these things to a real person. wish no one else feels a crisis like this which makes you stay up at nights for 2 fucking months straight and so much mental agony that your physical body goes unfit resulting from it. i most probably wouldn't reply to any replies. i am not on the site much.
might just be my last.
am i supposed to be a rebel kid, doing their own thing, being absolutely fucking selfish but living with no limits to my thinking and imagination. i can sure i can i won't object (much), although i don't know how to live but not care about living organisms around me? and if i have to care about someone eventually, why would i not care about my parents whom i owe so much?
am i supposed to be those all planned out kids ( college ) who do everything with a plan, wake up at 00:00, do this at 00:00, learn a new skill at 00:00, go to gym at 00:00? that is selfish to me too, that is soulless to me in some ways.
am i supposed to be a pathetic people pleaser, sensitive and emotional person that obviously everybody finds cheesy or average?
wtf am i supposed to do?
how tf am i supposed to live?
how do i choose to continue to live, but avoid the hatred that comes inside of my mind through continuous living? to not get manipulate by my surrounding? to not ever forget her amidst the high dopamine drug live materialistic obsession that people have when they live?
to not live a life of my own but to not affect anyone else's adversely?
, to not be deemed as imperfect by the society?
i cannot not care about people's judgements anymore no matter how hard i try.
fuck it, i am hitting post. thanks for reading mate that was really generous of you. i can sleep knowing i told these things to a real person. wish no one else feels a crisis like this which makes you stay up at nights for 2 fucking months straight and so much mental agony that your physical body goes unfit resulting from it. i most probably wouldn't reply to any replies. i am not on the site much.
might just be my last.
