Discussion What should I tell my mother?

[gabe]

Hey! I'm planning to ctb today (10/08), already have everything I need for it but there's one thing holding me back:

My mother is 63 years old (she will be 64 on the 14th), lives alone (I moved to another city because of university) and I cannot accept the idea that I am going to make her suffer for the rest of her life because of my death. We had a lot of problems for years but today I know that she tried everything to be the best mother possible. My father died when I was 3 years old and my mother alone had to raise myself and my two brothers (both older than me). Today she lives alone, works at a
kindergarten, has friends, three grandchildren and a very strong (non-christian) faith. Despite this I feel that she never got over my father's death, and thinking that with my death she will suffer and feel guilt for the rest of her life prevents me from ctb.

I need to ease her suffering and I don't know how to do that. I think about leaving a note but I don't know what to write on it. Can someone help me?

 

[nosurpries]

this is what holds me back the most. my death will emotionally cripple my remaining parent. i am still unsure of what to say, i don't think anything will help.

im just writing the generic "you couldnt have helped", "not your fault", "im sorry", "ive wanted this since i was a kid", etc. but truly i think he will always blame himself and the guilt is the only thing keeping me going. it feels impossible to say the right thing, i am so sorry you've gotten to this point

 

[Euthanza]

Beg for her grace and mercy on you. God's willing but imho seeing deceased son on her birthday must not be a good idea even if you tell her it's the only way to set you free from the pain. I suggest you pick a better time.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

If you are really concerned about mitigating the pain, I'm afraid you absolutely do need to wait until the end of the month.

I know what a very difficult position this is to be in. Does she have any inkling of your suicidal feelings or your struggles in general?

She will undoubtedly suffer. If you are able to accept this, try to write that even though you know you don't have the words to make her truly feel better or to understand if she doesn't, this is just how you have felt because of your personal struggles through absolutely no fault of hers. You know how she was the best mother she could be and that this action of yours absolutely does not reflect on her as a mother or person. You're grateful for all she did for you, but after a lot of reflection you've realized that the misery isn't worth the rare happiness.

 

[FuneralCry]

I can imagine that it must be really hard being in that situation. I think that personally in a note, I would say things like there is nothing that you could have done to prevent this, and now I am free from my suffering and maybe give an explanation as to why I chose this. The whole point of a note for me would be to give those left behind some closure and would mean that they are not left with unanswered questions, but of course it's a personal thing what to write.
I hope that in whatever happens, you find relief from what you are going through. Best wishes.

 

[gabe]

To make the situation worse, today I was fired from work after three days without showing up. Now I have to worry about the impact of my death on my workplace (they'll think I killed myself for being fired) + my mother's suffering.