John Smith
Arcanist
- Aug 6, 2018
- 424
For me I don't want to hurt my family and I don't want to go somewhere negative. What about you?
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not_a_robot
"i hope the leaving is joyful, & never to return"
- May 30, 2019
- 2,121
It used to be failure. It's usually failure. Today it feels different. Like suddenly being afraid to go alone. Which is stupid. We all go alone.
HGL91
Warlock
- Jul 2, 2019
- 720
Failing. It's the only thing stopping me right now. There's countless methods all around us, but trying to find one with high chance to work with little risk of damage afterwards isn't the easiest thing to come across
k3v3r
Member
- Apr 25, 2019
- 97
Tequilamockingbird
Member
- Dec 6, 2018
- 43
Sorry silly question but new here and can't see it explained.
I've seen "ctb" mentioned on a number of threads and know it means to end it... however what do the letters actually stand for ?
I've seen "ctb" mentioned on a number of threads and know it means to end it... however what do the letters actually stand for ?
This is my fear. It might not work because I'll vomit up the stuff but I'll still be out cold for days because enough of the stuff is still in my body. It would be scary to wake up even though u drank the N but u were just out for awhile until it was out of your system. Then u feel like shit for quite awhile and can't function properly causing u to lose your ability to work and pay your bills losing everything and ending up homeless
kuddelmuddel23
Expert Level Tree Farmer
- Jun 13, 2019
- 135
Believe me or not, I'm not scared. Rather in a wonderful anticipation that it will soon have an end.
https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/acronyms-on-here-for-new-users.6031/
Pupuce
Nobody exists on purpose. Come ctb
- Apr 19, 2019
- 282
Being discovered, "saved" and ending up locked somewhere or being constantly watched over.
SinisterKid
Visionary
- Jun 1, 2019
- 2,113
No fears at all, its old territory. Just wont go back to a ward again should I fail, so its not really a option.
alisku
New Member
- Jul 7, 2019
- 4
ending up as a plant with my thoughts, and I hate the thought that my family would have to spend money on my funeral as If I wasn't a burden enough
I'm weak, i think i will go into full desperation mode when the time comes. It's the moment right before death, when i feel that i slip away and realize that it is final - that my dreams for life, all my hopes and aspirations are forever gone, and that all my previous efforts in life to change course were just a meaningless waste of energy which simply prolonged the inevitable. I'm very afraid of that moment and i hope it will pass quickly.
not_a_robot
"i hope the leaving is joyful, & never to return"
- May 30, 2019
- 2,121
Your happiness is obvious and very inspiring. I will miss it.
marcusuk63
CTB
- Mar 24, 2019
- 1,735
I`m not sure if the phrase came from this 1973 book or was already in use
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Fadinglife
Student
- Apr 16, 2019
- 109
Failing at it and ending up in a worse condition or vegetative state, then being forced to live in that conditions by pro lifers (family) enduring everyday abuse and critical comments. Hearing everyday that i couldn't be serious else i wouldn't have survived. Seeing my brother making a joke of me and my mental illness, being more condescending, dismissive, rude and judgemental to me. According to him my depression isn't serious enough. When he had beaten me up he kept saying that he would take depression out of me by this, as i have depression so i deserve it (because i may be faking it). How convenient it is for him to tell me that i can't think straight because of depression (so not capable of taking marriage decision) but when it's about beating me his narrative shifts to me faking mental illness so he could just his point and be right. I am sick of his double standards masked in self righteous attitude.
How real it is, how damn real and raw this whole process is. Nothing romantic. The relief at the idea of dying when planning the suicide or daydreaming about it, that relief is not there when actually taking the definitive action and then living the consequences of that action. It's real and lonely and bitter.
Faraway1990
Student
- Jun 2, 2019
- 195
Destroying the one person in the world that loves me and wants to be with me (and I her) my so with my suicide it's what keeps me from doing it right now and the idea of when I eventually do it...... fading out and somehow waking up in the hospital someone with a smug smile "it's okay! We saved you!" But I'll be taking assurances against that but still something I would hate.
