Discussion what reasons do you have for living?

[sincerelysad]

for the people in recovery, the people who aren't planning on ctb anymore but used to, and maybe those here who haven't ever considered ctb…

what are your reasons for staying alive? what things keep you going?

being as specific as possible would really help. sometimes it's hard for me to look past the big things in my life that make me suicidal, and maybe hearing some things from others will help me find things of my own. <3

 

[Regen]

Well, reasons in the outside: my kids, my mother, my dog.
Then another big thing: survival instinct, anxiety about the process of dying.

And inside reasons. Mmh. I dont want to die, I want a life without mental pain and with enough joy. My psychologists is friendly and positive, that helps. Sometimes I see what person I could be without all these depression and then I have the hope that I can be a little of this woman one day. But I am not sure. It would be a miracle.

Daily I try to find some little things that let me feel better then doing nothing else then laying in bed. Have a shower. Wearing washed clothes. Go for a walk with the dog and feeling good, that I do something for him. Taking my medicine.

 

[sincerelysad]

Well, reasons in the outside: my kids, my mother, my dog.
Then another big thing: survival instinct, anxiety about the process of dying.

And inside reasons. Mmh. I dont want to die, I want a life without mental pain and with enough joy. My psychologists is friendly and positive, that helps. Sometimes I see what person I could be without all these depression and then I have the hope that I can be a little of this woman one day. But I am not sure. It would be a miracle.

Daily I try to find some little things that let me feel better then doing nothing else then laying in bed. Have a shower. Wearing washed clothes. Go for a walk with the dog and feeling good, that I do something for him. Taking my medicine.

thank you for this <33 trying to remind myself that acting towards how i want to feel is how i achieve it. i can't just sit in my misery and expect it to go away.

 

[looseye]

Not sure if I'm really on a recovery route myself (doesn't feel like there will ever be a way out of suicidality) but there are indeed some things that keep me going. For now.

First one is the general routine of life currently. I'm pursuing a degree and working part-time in addition to that. With each passing week I grow more averse to my job and studies but these things keep me busy, they do just fine as a distraction from an otherwise empty day-to-day existence. There is an ideal level of stress that can miraculously keep intrusive thoughts away.

Second one is hobbies. I started working on my drawing skills lately. I totally suck, can't even draw a straight line and don't have a lot of time for it at the moment. But it's relaxing and manages to compensate the exhausting work/study part of the day to a degree. Drawing has become an evening activity for me to look forward to in order to make a crappy day more bearable. There are also a few video games I'm looking forward to finally playing when my schedule gets less busy. Gonna binge the hell outta them, that's for sure. It's those little things that you can't do all the time, they get you excited and support you in enduring the day.

I think that's it for me, really, as boring as it sounds. There are other things like fear of dying and guilt but probably all of us can relate to those, lol.

 

[SectOfValtiel]

idk... still trying to figure that out
id love to sit here and say some positive reason
but really, the main reason is still fear
its easier to put in a bit of effort towards getting better and see no results than it is to put in a lot of effort toward CTB and risk messing up
motivation towards either end just isnt there

 

[gottablast888]

I still want to ctb but friends and family and the dogs in my life keep me here

 

[Beer_is_all_I_have]

for the people in recovery, the people who aren't planning on ctb anymore but used to, and maybe those here who haven't ever considered ctb…

what are your reasons for staying alive? what things keep you going?

being as specific as possible would really help. sometimes it's hard for me to look past the big things in my life that make me suicidal, and maybe hearing some things from others will help me find things of my own. <3

Without life, you have nothing. No possibility of experiencing the good and bad of life. I've always hoped to be around when life is discovered on other planetary systems. I believe when you are dead, you are dead. If life is nothing but excruciating pain to you , I can understand why you just want the pain to end. I've experienced this myself. A life of zero pleasure, just the unlikely hope of experiencing some great new discoveries of life happening somewhere else in the galaxy or even new ways on this planet.

This is a rare, once in eons , chance of seeing where this planet's future may lie. If my personal pain surpasses this natural desire to understand the universe and its future, I can understand wanting to jump off, but with billions of years left for this planet's potential, I'd like to understand as much as I can before I check out.

 

[sincerelysad]

I started working on my drawing skills lately. I totally suck, can't even draw a straight line and don't have a lot of time for it at the moment. But it's relaxing and manages to compensate the exhausting work/study part of the day to a degree. Drawing has become an evening activity for me to look forward to in order to make a crappy day more bearable.

this has brought me so much joy for you , you have no idea!!! im so happy you're practicing and pursuing something. art is so subjective, there is no good or bad. because it benefits you and because you enjoy it, im sure it's phenomenal. that sort of stuff really shines through in art, regardless of skill level!!