What makes ctb hard?

[Efilismislife]

Just wondering what makes ctb hard....

It seems what makes it hard is because the fear of pain/something terrible/consequence, the unknown/what happens after.

finding a peaceful method that is doable is what makes it hard

If its not because of the stupid useless feelings

If there is a button like a robot to shut it down



ctb itself alone shouldnt be hard

theres so many way to kill a living being and human body is fragile so it shouldnt be that hard(jumping, drowning, hit by train, slice neck, full hang, bag tie up hands, etc). whats hard is actually prolong life. Even accidents causing deaths are common

This is ironic...


do we actually really want to kill ourselves?
or we just wanna escape this terrible situation/place?

me is the later

 

[Q-Dust]

I don't think customs would be to happy if they found sn in the packages

 

[NobodyKnowsMe]

For me, I don't think I specifically want to die. I really just want to end these feelings I have - bouncing from internal turmoil to feeling totally numb - and death is likely all that will stop it. I think I hang on because I still have some tiny bit of hope that something will change for the better. Hell, I'm almost 60 - I should definitely know by now that nothing will get better. That, and there is a part of me that is afraid to take that final plunge.

 

[_Seeking]

I don't want to die but I don't want to continue living as I am. I think that we are very adaptable creatures and as bad as things get, our brains have a way of making us think that there is some hope. All we have ever known is life and even if it is quite painful, we have nothing else to compare it to.

 

[Efilismislife]

I don't want to die but I don't want to continue living as I am. I think that we are very adaptable creatures and as bad as things get, our brains have a way of making us think that there is some hope. All we have ever known is life and even if it is quite painful, we have nothing else to compare it to.

True our feelings can be deceived.
denial as a coping mechanism.


just like when we feel scared over a prick of needle needed for injection.

Because our feelings think we are gonna get harm from it so they release stress chemicals
But actually its needed for the future purposes but our feelings cant comprehend/compromise/analyze that.

 

[downndone2]

Escaping my feelings and situation

 

[its-about-time]

Wanting escape + given up on trying to feel better = choosing to end things.

It's hard for me because of other people. Lots of guilt. Often the only thing keeping me around. It's annoying. Self doubt has recently stopped me too. Overthinking in general is an obstacle.

 

[Krieger]

I'm afraid I'll survive and also the fear of the unknown. I both want to and don't want to die.

 

[Weebster]

Because i don't actually want to die. I just don't see many options to improve things. I've asked for help but people don't know how or are unwilling because they'd have to go out of their way. It's an atomized society now.

 

[Efilismislife]

Because i don't actually want to die. I just don't see many options to improve things. I've asked for help but people don't know how or are unwilling because they'd have to go out of their way. It's an atomized society now.

This is similar to me too. People dont help cause they dont want to be burdened, even when im abused, or dying im alone.

 

[Weebster]

This is similar to me too. People dont care when im bullied, im alone.

People don't seem to care in general. I hope Putin nukes the world. This shitshow needs to stop.

 

[Efilismislife]

People don't seem to care in general. I hope Putin nukes the world. This shitshow needs to stop.

Even if putin nuke it will only part of the world /country not all

 

[Darkover]

some people are afraid to die, i use to be when i was younger and i wanted to live forever, but not anymore i don't care if i die if that the end for all time then so be it thats what the universe is, it's just how you shut down this machine that makes me what i am that scares people with no off switch if it was that simple then there would be nobody alive here

 

[Weebster]

Even if putin nuke it will only part of the world /country not all

The global winds would carry the fallout worldwide.

 

[befree]

The fear to survive and the fear to survive with permanent damage or in psychiatry.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

SI, guilt, motivation, means to a peaceful method, false hope nagging at you.

 

[FuneralCry]

For me, it is because of the lack of peaceful and reliable way to exit and the fear of failing the method. The society makes ctb difficult by denying us the option of a peaceful exit and expecting us to suffer for decades. I also think that for example methods like hanging and drowning are hard to do because of the SI. I think that if ctb was easier I would already be gone. I wish that there was a way to peacefully pass away in my sleep without having to go through the process of ctb.

 

[outrider567]

Just wondering what makes ctb hard....

It seems what makes it hard is because the fear of pain/something terrible/consequence, the unknown/what happens after.

finding a peaceful method that is doable is what makes it hard

If its not because of the stupid useless feelings

If there is a button like a robot to shut it down



ctb itself alone shouldnt be hard

theres so many way to kill a living being and human body is fragile so it shouldnt be that hard(jumping, drowning, hit by train, slice neck, full hang, bag tie up hands, etc). whats hard is actually prolong life. Even accidents causing deaths are common

This is ironic...


do we actually really want to kill ourselves?
or we just wanna escape this terrible situation/place?

me is the later

no fear of pain with Nitrogen, you just pass out

 

[MementoMori81]

Hi, new here so will post on the introductions shortly, but saw this and had to reply.
It's difficult because, just like any other living organism, the natural instinct to survive with us all is strong.

It's like the ultimate practical joke; on the one hand, you may feel utterly in turmoil, confused, in pain - whether emotionally or physically - you may dread going to sleep each night in the knowledge that, tomorrow, you'll have to wake up and haul yourself through another day. Yet, despite all of this, there's this mechanism within you that's doing its best to stop you from ctb. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. It's like the mind understanding you're living in limbo, a life seemingly devoid of a reasonable level of quality, yet at the same time you possess this hidden piece of software that will do it's best to keep you there.

The reality of death itself doesn't scare me. I can't remember anything related to the billions of years before I was catapulted into existence, so it seems reasonable to suggest (at least, to me) that's the state I'll return to; an eternity of non-experience and nothingness that the mind cannot comprehend, and need not fear. A trillions years passing in what would be the blink of an eye.
But the act of ctb? Taking that final step? There's that natural instinct trying to stop me. That said, clearly there comes a point where even that is no longer enough. Either things improve, or it becomes too much and one heads for the exit.

Sorry to ramble, but this then reminds me of the rather false statement of many pro-lifers, among others, who claim self deliverance to be cowardly. I would argue that to override hundreds of years of evolution, the pure instinct to survive, takes incredible courage and fortitude. I'm not knocking those who call it cowardly. After all, it's incredibly difficult to be able to view the world through somebody else's lens - we only really understand our own lived experience and that of those who live one similar to our own in my experience.

Anyway, that's how I see it at least. Now I'll go post my introduction.

 

[JamieJambo]

Just wondering what makes ctb hard....

It seems what makes it hard is because the fear of pain/something terrible/consequence, the unknown/what happens after.

finding a peaceful method that is doable is what makes it hard

If its not because of the stupid useless feelings

If there is a button like a robot to shut it down



ctb itself alone shouldnt be hard

theres so many way to kill a living being and human body is fragile so it shouldnt be that hard(jumping, drowning, hit by train, slice neck, full hang, bag tie up hands, etc). whats hard is actually prolong life. Even accidents causing deaths are common

This is ironic...


do we actually really want to kill ourselves?
or we just wanna escape this terrible situation/place?

me is the later

I'd love to have good opportunities to be happy. If I did I would go for that hell for leather

 

[Al Cappella]

To me, it seems that it's hard for some, and not for others. And based on the fact that such a tiny fraction of the population does it, it seems it's hard for most. Makes sense, given it's not in a species' interest to whack itself in great numbers…

 

[wellherewego]

I think it often takes years of daily sufferening to finally overcome SI enough to do it "happily". I've been in daily hell for four months and I've gotten to the point where I want it and am getting my method(s) ready but I would still need a catalyst (some chaotic horrible trigger, that pushes the pain even beyond the current daily hell, which is bound to come eventually)to push me over the edge. I can feel the SI dwindling though with each passing day. I never understood people who choose to cbt until now.

 

[BlackCatTalk]

Mmmh In my case it's not hard, I'm just need to get time alone, my mental health actually it's very poor, I don't have anything to live for, nothing it's a good reason but I just need to be perfect... Not fail

 

[Hirokami]

I guess in a pragmatic sense, a lack of accessible (desired) methods. I would take N over hanging any day. I suffered plenty already, so I might as well make sure my final moments are tranquil.

Though, it's more than just that. The most important factor here is that I'm not 100% ready to go yet. After all, if I succeed, it'd be too late to go back. I'm still trying to find another way to reverse the damage without having to ctb. A bit optimistic, but I don't want to ctb until I've exhausted all my options. If I gave it my all, then yes, I'd have no choice at that rate.

 

[outrider567]

It won't be hard for me when the time comes

 

[Pain In The Ass]

I don't think customs would be to happy if they found sn in the packages

I got it to UK no hassle from Canada - depends where you are

 

[Efilismislife]

no fear of pain with Nitrogen, you just pass out

Ive thought about it but i still cant obtain it. And set things up.