Constant bullying in school since as far as I can remember. This certainly had a part in a non existent self esteem and confidence, which in turn developedits own problems (mentally and socially). It's a domino effect, I'm so tired of trying to pick up the fallen bricks when more keep toppling over. There's so much but that was the start.
In 2023 I made the big mistake to quit my job as a supervisor in a bank after 17 years, cause It made me feeling stressed every day even in weekends and holidays. I thought that this job is the root of my problems. Soon I realized that job was not my problem but my character my childhood and the fact that as a gay man growing in a Greek island I grew up with lots of bulling, never loved my self and always being scared. I have never managed to make a healthy relationship and also my father was shis as hell. Fortunately I grew up with my mother only as my parents got a divorce when I was 3 yrs old. My mother did everything she could for me but after all she made lots of mistakes with me and after 4 years of lung cancer she died in 2018, fact which was very painfylull for me. Since 2016 while me and my mother were fighting her cancer I had to take antipressants that destroyed my libido and sex life since then. Anyway, I want my job in the bank back something I cannot have any more and after another bad '' relationship '' that lasted 2 months a big crisis emerged in me. I feel really unsecure about future, I am 44 years old now, I hate that I have to get old and probably have health issues in near future and not manage to be loved and find my other half. I have my SN already I just have to set the date of CTB hopefully before the end of 2024.
Last edited:
Eyler
Cingulomania spark
- Aug 11, 2023
- 42
Actually… it's a lot. Multiple things but the one who led me like this in the first place would be, Mother. My Mom.
to fall to winter
tired
- Sep 10, 2023
- 15
I truly do not know. A lot of bad things have happened to me, yes, but I was suicidal before then. It's been something I've had to live with my entire life. How ironic to be born with only the goal to die.
