What keeps you here still?

[Rorschach]

Honestly, what still holds me back alive is my family, especially my mother. She is extremely fragile and if I ctb, she would suffer a lot from it, it would destroy her life. But I can not take this life anymore.

 

[FuneralCry]

It is the fact that it is difficult to ctb. It requires a lot of courage and there are no easily accessible peaceful methods, the society denies us them and tries to force us to live. There are also fears of failing a method. As humans it is difficult to exit this world as we are programmed to survive. If it was easier to ctb, I would have been gone a long time ago. I have no reason to continue. All I want is to not exist. I wish I could just disappear.

 

[BitterlyAlive_]

Just trying my best to hold on and see where things go in the next month or so.

 

[Trueform]

I want to CTB really badly, but I have this weird fascination of Shooting myself in the head and my brain splattering all across my room, I'm trying to get myself a gun at the moment. Once I have a gun I'll be gone. I don't like all other options I've tried partial but couldn't do it due to SI kicking in. And I don't want to go for SN since there's a risk my parents will find out. So gun is the only way for me.

 

[bed]

SI

 

[peacefulhorizons]

ctb location as N's time to death can be variable. I have some ethical qualms about booking a hotel. Only reason I'm here tbh.

SI maybe a little bit too.

 

[Pure]

Gonna try ayahuasca in December to see if it works.

Only reason

 

[medjooled11]

I am here because of life.
As long as we are alive, we experience its joys no matter how simple or momentary.
Despite my suffering I still harbour hope - passions, ideas, and wonders. Invisible belongings I cherish.
Hope can be such a strong force.

I am here today because of music; the ineffable experience of music.
Tomorrow? I'm not certain.

 

[demuic]

Honestly, what still holds me back alive is my family, especially my mother. She is extremely fragile and if I ctb, she would suffer a lot from it, it would destroy her life. But I can not take this life anymore.

The exact same for me.

 

[stygal]

Apparently I'm a masochist who likes pain and suffering...so life is just IdEal for me.

Jokes aside, it's mainly my SI and the fact that getting N is illegal. So I live in my little daily routine and try to laugh at absurd internet humor as much as I can.

 

[Chockles]

ctb location as N's time to death can be variable. I have some ethical qualms about booking a hotel. Only reason I'm here tbh.

SI maybe a little bit too.

How variable can it be?
I know they say 24hrs but I'll have 12 max living under elderly parents roof.
I can't book a hotel.
I can't even get out of bed.
I do plan to try buy N soon tho.
I am in desperate physical pain.

 

[peacefulhorizons]

How variable can it be?
I know they say 24hrs but I'll have 12 max living under elderly parents roof.
I can't book a hotel.
I can't even get out of bed.
I do plan to try buy N soon tho.
I am in desperate physical pain.

Surviving past 12 hours is very rare. 24 hours is still the official recommendation though.

 

[Sebuet]

Sounds pathetic but hoping ex will return. Which realistically will not happen. Deadline is my birthday, which is soon.

 

[ClownMe]

My dog.

 

[Chockles]

Only thing keeping me alive is lack of method bed ridden in agony 10 months at elderly parents. Only the golden ticket can be my way out of here now. I hope to buy soon.

 

[Blowba]

Probably the fact that I still have a little hope that I can become better and also scared that if I fail in ctb again ill end up as a vegetable

 

[motel rooms]

 

[finalexit]

My wife. I would've also said fear of death in the past but with life continuing to get more unbearable every day and death being inevitable, who knows

 

[arainydancer]

I don't really know. I'm writing a bunch of short stories and I want to release them all before I go, hopefully this November. Hoping I could find a decently remote location to put my noose up. Also hoping I'm going to be given a second chance in some things in life, but that's not going to happen.

 

[WrongPlaceWrongTime]

My family, mainly my dad whom I cannot make suffer.

 

[CowsAreCool]

I am currently away from home, and the thought of dying so far from where I spent my entire life scares me. I don't know why. I also do not have a car, and my plan is to CTB by single vehicle accident.

Also family ofc

 

[Shadowplay]

Lack of N.

 

[Painless_end]

I still get my basic needs like food and shelter met because I stay with my parents

And I have a really low tolerance for pain, so even though I want to CTB, I am unable to actively pursue and do it with any predetermined method

The closest I've come is trying to hang myself but I just wasn't ready and ended up backing out.

 

[hdahsa]

Mostly to keep checking whether there is any new method which is easier and more peaceful to ctb than all the methods already listed on this forum. More like some toxin with no taste or smell and also fast acting. I do have SN plus the ingredients for H2S and N2 but I guess I am not fully ready yet.

 

[GlimmeringBeauty]

Neighborhood cat.
And I'm curious about how the world will be, I want to see how things will be in 20 years.

 

[Freedom Believer]

I want to die via N, something that will be peaceful.

 

[WatermelonMel]

Survival Instinct, I keep buying things for CTB and have a collection now, but SI has kept me from succeeding with any of them. Maybe one day...

 

[...]

the smallest of chances that the love of my life comes back to me is enough for me to carry on through this limbo of pain, torment and not one second of calm or peace

 

[Soapie]

My fiance is genuinely such a wonderful force of good in my life. It's awful to think of hurting him like that. He's such a kind loving human being and I just need to keep trying for him.

 

[pu3nt3s]

My significant other, once they're gone I'm done. I really don't care about anything else.