Discussion What is your reason to ctb?

[c.c]

Aside from the mental suffering..what are your main reasons to ctb? Or think why it wouldn't get any better?
I have pretty straightforward reasons-
1. Lost of my ability to pursue my career-
I just can't study no anymore, i have tried a lot of things and i am losing it day by day due to my trauma. My once dream career requires studing and i don't think i would be able to do it soon...will take a lot years
2. Wasting my parents resource, dissapointing them regardless of having potential and resources to do it but mental illness, seeing them hurt and hinding it everyday
3. Would have to deal will my molester for the rest of my life.( even the thought of seeing him in person makes me want to puke)
4. My little sense of safety (my bf) would break up with me soon and i haven't told him how much i need him but if he says "no" to helping..i will be HURT cuz he doesn't wanna help me when i was always there for him and if says "yes" i will feel like i forced him..
5. Every year i will see my molester (as i don't have any support system) my cptsd and depression will only get WORSE
6. The obvious pain,suffering in silence,mental illness...if not for above 5 reasons..i will kill myself because of this

Better to die soon with less painful memories than be a breathing corpse and die with far more pain

 

[SchizoGymnast]

I have a brain injury-type condition that has preserved my intellect, while simultaneously being totally unable (mentally) to do anything with that intellect. It's also a very rare condition so very few people understand what I am experiencing. So my life is pretty much constant emotional isolation and the knowledge that no matter how hard you work or how smart you are, you will never amount to anything or do anything great. You struggle to even do anything ordinary. You are rendered unlovable, not because you are a bad person or lacking, but because no one can ever truly know you.