what is your reason for ctb?

[KarmicRain]

effort. I associate the worst with effort because I utterly despise doing things outside my laptop.
But it's mandatory. Work is mandatory. constantly toiling until the day i die just to be allowed to survive against my will feels like hell on earth.
but i'm still here.
I still hate waking up everyday.
i still hate working everday.
but i'm still here. the bitterness stacks with time; i just wait for the day it's enough for me to let go of the only things keeping me here

 

[deadtrace]

No future: I have no career prospects, nothing j wsnt to do, no motivation, im mot even remotely employable, I've failed everything I've done because of mental health blocks. I'm now at the point where I can't stall anymore and need to get a job.

No help. Too long winded, basically spent years trying to get better came out worse than before.

No motivation. Can't even make myself do things I enjoy anymore, let alone all the mandatory stuff that comes with life that I hate.

I also can't come to terms with the fact that people can cope with working a job they hate until an ever increasing retirement age which they probably won't even reach. Like what am I even going to work for? A wage that'd barely enough to live in a shit hole because there's little to no affordable housing? Struggle with bills because of cost of living crisis? For what? Why? Over the last two years I've watched my partner finish university and get a good well paying job. She can't move out of her parents house and can't for the foreseeable future. Her parents are going to start charging rent soon which will make it even harder. Same thing happening to my sister.
Turned into a bit of a rant so I'll stop there

 

[Bobert_Beniro]

effort. I associate the worst with effort because I utterly despise doing things outside my laptop.
But it's mandatory. Work is mandatory. constantly toiling until the day i die just to be allowed to survive against my will feels like hell on earth.
but i'm still here.
I still hate waking up everyday.
i still hate working everday.
but i'm still here. the bitterness stacks with time; i just wait for the day it's enough for me to let go of the only things keeping me here

You are literally me. Dumberer garbage than going to work, just to support the body is hard to imagine. I'm also waiting for everything to get boring and I finally decide on ctb

 

[natthebrat]

The realization/acceptance that no matter what I do for a living, it's going to involve talking to people and thus be extremely stressful for me. My whole life I always hated school, until my last few semesters of college when I did almost all online classes. That was really the only time in all my years of school that I didn't absolutely hate it, and I learned about myself that I actually enjoyed learning and didn't mind working, just hated the social aspect of it. Towards the end of the pandemic I decided to go back to college for a second degree, so that I could be qualified for jobs that could eventually allow WFH, but now that most jobs are back in person it feels like that was completely just a waste of my time and money. I just want to fucking be left alone!! Is that too much to ask?!

 

[Nelnaro]

Endogenous depression, Borderline personality disorder, gender dysphoria, difficulty communicating with people, hatred of one's body, loneliness, falling in love with a character.
I am now 27 years old.
From the age of 11, all my school years and beyond were hell for me. There are too many bad events for the story not to be very long, I will say that these were years of depression, bullying at school, very frequent school changes, gender dysphoria, sh, ctb attempts, psychosis, self-destructive behavior, being in mental hospitals, loneliness, unrequited love etc. I lived in constant pain, loneliness, the desire to die and the desire to be a man.
Now life is much better, but still my problems have not disappeared anywhere, and the past has greatly affected my psyche. I still have loneliness, dysphoria, and I love the fictional character very much. I've never had a full-fledged romantic relationship, I don't get along well with people.

 

[sammiechzxv]

I'm just not happy. Nothing really makes me happy anymore. I don't really have friends or close family that I'd need to worry about hurting. I'm not really exceptionally smart or skillful and I'm not that pretty, I don't have a bright future ahead of me. I don't mean anything to anyone or anything. So like, literally nothing to live for.

 

[Peerless_Cucumber]

I don't have one. I don't need one. Just like I don't need one to be alive. I don't need one to die.