Discussion What is YOUR mindset to make it easier to ctb? Or even enjoying ctb?

[Predestinated]

I know that I have to ctb soon. If I don't, my illness will make me suffer so much more.

I have the tools for my method.

But somehow I can't "let go" from my life. Death is so... final. Besides my suffering, there are still moments I can feel pleasure. I know that death will free myself from all the suffering, but I can't look forward to death. I can't enjoy it's coming closer.

What is YOUR mindset to make it easier to ctb?

 

[ClownMe]

My mindset is that im just delaying the inevitable and that ill never be happy while im alive, this world simply isnt for me, the only reason im still alive is because im waiting until my dog passes away.

 

[PSYCHO_METAL_X]

Idk if there truly is a way to enjoy it. You could look at it as something beautiful I suppose, it really is in a way. I'll be pumped full of heroin when I go so I know I'll be good.

 

[MeltedJello]

My mindset is that im just delaying the inevitable and that ill never be happy while im alive, this world simply isnt for me, the only reason im still alive is because im waiting until my dog passes away.

I feel exactly the same way. The only difference is that, the reason I'm still here, is I rarely get opportunities to ctb. I had only 2 attempts at partial hanging last August and failed. Full suspension will be my next, and hopefully last attempt.

My respect to you, for staying for your dog :) I hope you find the peace you're looking for

 

[Lostandlooking]

It's difficult and I struggle with this as well. How do I make sure I go through with it in the end? I'm trying to prepare for it, but don't know if it will actually work. Just thinking about it and making preparations. (For years now) I imagine telling myself at that moment how killing myself will end the suffering. Staying alive will mean continued suffering. I know that's the truth.

 

[Jblack]

The idea of my suicide actually brings very pleasent thoughts. For me it is almost a fantasy. When I practice putting the rope around my neck there is no fear or panic. Never sure why I don't just exit. Psychiatris actually have a term for this, autassasinophilia. This is something I never discuss with my therapist. I am afraid if I did, he would have me committed.

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

Mine is very similar to the "Praljak grindset". Despite being an omega male instead of a sigma male I can still relate:



For me the main part of the mindset is prioritizing myself over my family, that will become "rekt" by the CTB grind. My method is basically already planned out and complete with a very high chance of death (with only minor to moderate "discomfort"), could get AEs and/or antacids and book a hotel room to take it from 90% to 99% lethality but my executive functioning isn't really functioning most of the time.

I hope to develop some big amounts of physical pain or to have something happen to push me over the edge, too comfy without any physical pain and I'm coping too well with my pathetic existence. If I hop back on SSRIs that would probably push me over the edge, did last time but I only had a knife at my disposal and it was a very lazy "attempt".

 

[Shadowplay]

That I have suffered enough.

 

[deflationary]

The finality of death means there's no consequences for me, no downside, no possibility of regret. Somehow normies think that the finality of it makes suicide this highly consequential decision but the truth is the opposite. It's the least consequential decision you could ever make from your own perspective, since it puts an end to consequences as such.

Of course, this is only a partial view because there's also the effects your decision has on others, which is the only angle for any possible anti-suicide argument that isn't complete nonsense.

 

[PotSmokingSloth]

The finality of death means there's no consequences for me, no downside, no possibility of regret. Somehow normies think that the finality of it makes suicide this highly consequential decision but the truth is the opposite. It's the least consequential decision you could ever make from your own perspective, since it puts an end to consequences as such.

Of course, this is only a partial view because there's also the effects your decision has on others, which is the only angle for any possible anti-suicide argument that isn't complete nonsense.

But you have so much to live for! ... totally joking lmao, fucking silly ass normies

 

[FuneralCry]

I know that ctb is the right thing for me. I am looking forward to death, all I want is to be free from existence. I do not have doubts. I find it comforting the fact that I will no longer be here, I will be at peace. I have these types of thoughts all day long and I have been thinking this way for a long time. However it requires courage to actually ctb, and it is difficult as we are programmed to survive and the society takes away the peaceful methods. I just think eventually I will reach a point of desperation and then I will be able to exit this world. I just wish I was gone already.

 

[demuic]

To me it's not really possible to enjoy much of anything anymore. All I know is that I will be relieved of all the pain I endure. There's nothing here on earth that's worth suffering for.

 

[BottomlessPit]

Life, as a matter of experience, is very similar to a dream. It is made of the same "stuff" as dreams, and is just as transient and unreal. Suicide is akin to waking oneself up from a nightmare, and the thing we are waking into is the eternal nothingness we once called our home.

 

[Deleted member 8579]

Life, as a matter of experience, is very similar to a dream. It is made of the same "stuff" as dreams, and is just as transient and unreal. Suicide is akin to waking oneself up from a nightmare, and the thing we are waking into is the eternal nothingness we once called our home.

Lifelessness is the fundamental state of the universe; existence is merely an aberration, a horrific error in the history of the cosmos.
Death is the correction of that error.

Life is like a lucid fever dream: It can be blissful, it can be torturous, it will end eventually, and it does not matter.
Yet, most men can not help but to become attached to that dream.

 

[motel rooms]

Life, as a matter of experience, is very similar to a dream. It is made of the same "stuff" as dreams, and is just as transient and unreal. Suicide is akin to waking oneself up from a nightmare, and the thing we are waking into is the eternal nothingness we once called our home.

Life is like a lucid fever dream: It can be blissful, it can be torturous, it will end eventually, and it does not matter.

"We are such stuff / As dreams are made on, and our little life / Is rounded with a sleep."
-- Big Willy

 

[fox_wannabe]

Rope on my neck makes me aroused, and memory of failed attempt of partial makes me not afraid of suffering, It was quite nice feeling. No wonder people like being choked. I will probably make my death very romantic. Like a date with death.
Maybe keep myself occupied with nice view. This fall would be perfect. Maybe I could go to mountains and hang myself somewhere deep in the forest. Just walk away and be gone forever.
I cannot do any super fast methods, maybe idle gas is not for me after all. It looks to "alien". Rope is more intimate. Majority of successful suicides were committed by hanging.
I will probably make some art about suicide. I think It is quite beautiful, not the act or motion, but the effect. The release of tension, the letting go of trauma and memories, freeing of the soul. I hope we really die when we die. Soul is just a projection of ego. I would be fine with ego dying, even if after death there is no awareness of anything It is something not bad. There is this dualism, the question if we exist or not after we die. I just want to say that whatever is there, it is ok.

There is no shame in suicide. People just cannot get past their conditioned ego. The fact that they were created by their parents and molded into personalities later. They believe they have to go on, that entire world will collapse if they die. I know I am nothing of importance. They do not understand me. I am less than nothing in this world, I do not mean it out of self pity. I mean I am empty. Not sad, I am not a void. I am lacking all of this things that people posses and which makes them competitive and lively. I have no will to procreate, gather possessions, chase status or sex. I just exist and browse internet. even that is becoming boring. I have no will to work or study because I have no reason to. I am Hikikomori. I have withdrawn from the word as depression is giving me hard times.

I love art and music. But I do not think It is a justification for staying here.

Life, as a matter of experience, is very similar to a dream. It is made of the same "stuff" as dreams, and is just as transient and unreal. Suicide is akin to waking oneself up from a nightmare, and the thing we are waking into is the eternal nothingness we once called our home.

Beautiful. I want to go home.

 

[xLosthopex]

I relate to this a lot
Even though I've had many past attempts(before finding this site), they were all impulsive and SI didn't seem to effect me at all the way it does now(like in my last 'intended N attempt'), which is so ironic and unfair considering now my decision to ctb is actually a rational one and I know that it's 100% the right and necessary choice for me…
I love the thought of ctb and it brings me so much comfort, but when the moment actually comes, for me at least, it's terrifying(as it should be I suppose, you are about to die after all!)-the fear of the unknown, the fear of failing, the finality, never again being able to experience the few things in life that bring me joy, never seeing my family again etc.