shroomia
Member
- Mar 24, 2025
- 33
On paper I have it so good. I have loving girlfriends a caring family and a stable job. But I still somehow just feel empty inside. It feels like something inside me is just broken and I don't know how to go on. How did my mentals get fucked this badly if on paper everything should be going great for me. I just don't understand why I am this way. Why am I yearning for death almost every day? It really scares me that no matter how good things are I still feel like I'm getting crushed by reality. Getting out of my job and into a clinic made things better and reduced some stress, but like it didn't really fix anything. I don't know what I would need to actually get better and it makes me so god damn sad. And even when I'm having a good day and I'm "enjoying" life I can't escape the want to leave. I feel so lost and damaged and I don't know what to do. And it's especially hard because I don't want to hurt anyone but I just don't know what to do. I feel like reality is suffocating me. Either not feeling real at all like I'm stuck in a dream or so incredibly suffocating and crushing that I just question if it all is worth it in the end. Is there truly a better place a better life beyond all my pain? On some days I find it just so extremely hard to go on. It's exhausting me beyond any measure. My head feels like it's exploding. Just an endless tsunami of thoughts and emotions I can't escape. I just don't want to feel all this. I need a way out but nothing is working and I keep wondering if the only relief I ever get is when I stop existing.
