Discussion What is the worst thing you've done (confession thread?)

[MyDeath88]

As the title says, what is the worst thing you think you've ever done? Do you strongly regret it? Does it keep you up at night? If you don't regret it, can you see how it was morally wrong? Does or does it not play into your decision to cbt?

I won't judge; keep in mind, however unforgiveable you think your act is, no one on earth has lived a spotless life. We are all unclean, and we all live in glass houses.

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

I'll go first

There's this guy who I knew from high school and got along with pretty well, since we shared the same interests (internet brainrot, anime, etc) and were both autistic. High school ended, I lost contact with everyone (my fault) but didn't really mind, and everyone moved on, going their own way. Until one day we saw each other again at a city train station and reconnected somewhat. After a while he confided in me that he was feeling horrible because his best friend was cutting him off from everything and was gravitating towards other people, doing things she'd never do with him. He felt used and inadequate and since this friend was one of the closest people he had in his life, it really hurt him, especially since he's emotionally vulnerable about people in general (I am too).

What started as me trying to be there for a friend somehow turned into a kind of limerent obsession. I was there 24/7 typing up wall length messages, saying the exact things he wanted to hear (which was easy since I heavily related to him), talking to him every moment of the day, divulging into anyone and everything we could find to spend time on. It was fun, I really enjoyed his company, I hope he did mine too. We grew very close and he opened up to me about things he has never told anyone. He was happy someone finally understood him (I did), he worked on his mental health (got officially diagnosed with depression (and is hopefully seeing a therapist now I hope?)), he quit his studies to enroll in a more rewarding field, and he was just glad I could be there to support him throughout it, and was glad he could have me as a friend. And that it would stay that way. Whenever he was doubtful or anxious and asked if I would leave him, I told him I'd be there for him forever.

So I dipped out of the relationship. Don't understand why I did it myself. I could talk about SI or self sabotage but in the end there really is no excuse. One day I just stopped replying and essentially ghosted him forever. And yes, whilst he did have other people in his life and a general support system, things I said to convince myself that my absence didn't matter in the long run, it must've hurt right? To have your closest friend abandon you for seemingly no reason while you already suffer from abandonment issues due to your previous best friend leaving you all the same. He's already prone to blaming himself for problems he can't make sense of logically, going so far as to self harm, so it's not like this was a victimless crime, even if only for a while.

It's been around a year or so now. I'm pretty sure he's moved on and is doing okay in life, and thinking back I've proably overestimated my importance to him. But it was still a genuinely terrible thing to do. I know I wouldn't have been okay if it happened to me.

 

[amerie]

I don't even know what the worst thing I've done is tbh, but when I was 7 I was at this performing arts school and I was irritated because I had to practice walking down the catwalk for an upcoming show and I was sitting alone in the corner to cool off and I said something like "I hope this school gets bombed" and some girl overheard me and snitched and I think they did shut down so it was probably me who wished that onto the gods.

I also used to have an "edgy" sense of humor in middle school bc that was the trend back then unfortunately and I laughed at some pretty fucked up shit

 

[WhatCouldHaveBeen32]

Probably saying idiotic gamer words to other people online when I was 12. I really didn't do bad things to anyone outside of calling them out slurs as a kid, I was an angry dumbass because of my bad family dynamic at the time.

I'll tell you something funny that happened to me 2 months ago to lighten up the mood.

I'm not joking. I accidentally STOLE GUM by putting it in my pocket, I wanted to initially buy it but I LITERALLY FORGOT about it, I found out when I got home. So like the most normal person you'll ever see, I left my groceries, went to the bathroom "I need some soap and cleaning products" , went back 15 mins on foot to the store, get the cleaning products, sneakly pull out the gum from my jacket pocket and paid for it

 

[hippiedeath]

It's just a series of fuckups. I've stolen, committed adultery, said vicious killing words to people. I lie and cheat and drink and drug. I hate on people and all this i still feel ok. I want to die, but I don't even know why. I'm just constantly attacked by unseen forces.

 

[decayofangels]

I caused someone's death.

 

[SchizoGymnast]

I made a med error that nearly killed a patient. I blacked out, nearly hung myself, threatened to kill a coworker and ended up hospitalized.

 

[hippiedeath]

I caused someone's death.

I was culpable in someone's death too depending on how you see it.

 

[ginko0]

Consciously using someone for sexual pleasure after a breakup. What's worse is that it was a friend of mine that was in love with me since before my breakup. Don't even remember how I justified it to myself at the time, knowing that I didn't really like him.

 

[hippiedeath]

Consciously using someone for sexual pleasure after a breakup. What's worse is that it was a friend of mine that was in love with me since before my breakup. Don't even remember how I justified it to myself at the time, knowing that I didn't really like him.

I've used girls for sex several times. They didn't deserve that. More reason to ctb sooner than later.

 

[tsumihoroboshi]

i dated the wrong people and befriended the wrong people and trusted the wrong people and it will follow me forever until i die and then they'll all dance on my grave. i lie, i hurt people. being asexual and ugly spared me from making bad sexual decisions at least. that's the only thing i haven't done.
i also exist at the expense of someone else's life and i can't cope with it. i never wanted to be born. i never wanted to live. someone that should be alive isn't anymore, but i am??? something like me exists? there is truly no god here.

 

[FoxSauce]

Well moslty being a little shit to my mother when I was a kid and moslty giving her a hard time. Icant forgive myself for that.


I cant forgive myself for that. Envy towards my big sister since she was treated better.

 

[lv-nii]

Consciously making bad decisions because of my low self-esteem and the little hope I have left. I've wasted truly good long-term opportunities that could've possibly helped me deal with my depression. But laziness wins. I deeply hate that part of myself.