What is the worst thing you did?

[Mxverick]

What is the worst / sickest thing you did?

 

[Ambivalent1]

Use my mental illnesses to excuse my uncaring, selfish behavior. I ask for help from family but give none back.

 

[TheMetalhead]

Was way too suicidal so I thought that I'd leave my at the time GF, thinking that would be more beneficial for her. Well I was terribly wrong.
She attempted not soon after and from what I heard from our mutual friend, she's still depressed. That was almost 3 years ago.

 

[CuerpoMuerto]

I feel like I must have Borderline, because I honestly used to hold lovers emotionally hostage. I can't control it, that does not make it okay, but heartbreak makes me insanely suicidal and makes me SH. I would hold so much anger I would make sure they know that, or I would be so devestated I would be expressing it to them because they are the only person I want to comfort me. I would not send images or anything, but now being on the other side of it I understand the amount of emotional manipulation behind me expressing suicidality to a person that is trying to get out of a relationship with me. Telling them how I want to gut myself alive and i am soooo sorrryyy... before turning off my phone and going to bed (both to scare them and bc id pass out on the benzos/meds id take recklessly hoping itll kill me).

Im medicated now, so fortunately I do not get that obsessive anymore.

 

[edu0z]

I feel like I must have Borderline, because I honestly used to hold lovers emotionally hostage. I can't control it, that does not make it okay, but heartbreak makes me insanely suicidal and makes me SH. I would hold so much anger I would make sure they know that, or I would be so devestated I would be expressing it to them because they are the only person I want to comfort me. I would not send images or anything, but now being on the other side of it I understand the amount of emotional manipulation behind me expressing suicidality to a person that is trying to get out of a relationship with me. Telling them how I want to gut myself alive and i am soooo sorrryyy... before turning off my phone and going to bed (both to scare them and bc id pass out on the benzos/meds id take recklessly hoping itll kill me).

Im medicated now, so fortunately I do not get that obsessive anymore.

hola, Me gustaria saber mas sobre esa medicacion que te ayuda con el comportamiento obsesivo. Lo necesito desesperadamente

 

[CuerpoMuerto]

hola, Me gustaria saber mas sobre esa medicacion que te ayuda con el comportamiento obsesivo. Lo necesito desesperadamente

Lo siento si este es dificil leer, estoy apriendo. Yo tengo trastorno bipolar, entonces "antipsychotics" ayudarme. Quetiapine [la marca es Seroquel] fue un salvador para mi, es un atípico y ayuda con pensamientos obsesivos. Tambien, ayuda de dormir y es rapido- entonces no/poco esta esperando.

 

[Rhymester]

The worst thing that I did took place during my first year in university (going into my second year now). I had two friends—optimistic, bright, and religious. One person in that friend group truly cared for me. She tried to make a good Christian out of me—explained parts of the Bible to me and such. She even gave me her Bible. Basically, she thought that I needed God to stop being suicidal and such. I didn't want to disappoint her so I would basically go along with everything she said. One day in university, I think it was a Wednesday, I just went absolutely crazy and started to demand tablets with the intention of using them for CTB. I did this because she told me that her sister is a pharmacist and stupid me was just so desperate for something highly accessible, and her sister working in a pharmacy had access to all kinds of drugs. So I basically texted that friend a long message saying something like—it's your choice, you can give me something that would end my life peacefully or I will do something gruesome that everyone will hate me for. Upon reading that, she and her friend blocked me and reported me to the university's well-being thing. The university called me and offered counselling but I refused. Ever since that day, university life is just so miserable. I really regret what I did but desperation is such a strong emotion. I apologised and asked for one more chance but unfortunately, I lost two friends. There was also another friend, we bonded with during one week in college (before the breakdown of the friend group I was in). I remember I offered her all my money to give me something lethal, but obviously without success. What happened with that friend? Well to be honest, either we have fallen out because of me being too depressing or my two previous friends have told her everything and maybe it turned her against me. She hasn't messaged me in months. She replies to my texts but never texts first and when she replies it's really dry and usually one word. Going back to the breakdown of the friend group, I know that I will never get a chance again to apologise properly. I know they will never see this but I am sorry for letting my demons out. At least here everyone would respect my wishes to CTB. I am happy to be part of this community. The worst thing about this situation is that I didn't want them to leave. They started to walk away and I ran after them. I begged them not to leave. Eventually, I just ran away and hid somewhere—I was crying for ages behind some building. Just one image from that day I will never forget is how they left. They walked away—laughing, smiling, and talking. It's like I have never seen them happier before—as if they were liberated. I tried talking to them, apologising—but they just ignored me, walked ahead and continued on laughing and staring into their phones. I know what I did was unforgivable.

 

[Professor K]

Not being able to appreciate my family.

 

[Costrecce]

Not being able to come up with an answer to this important question. Everyone makes mistakes and I have done plenty, but nothing stands out. But there must be something, because something is clearly wrong with me. I feel like a total monster, I must have done some horrible things.

 

[cgrtt.brns]

anytime ive ignored or made fun of someone to fit in with the crowd. youd think being one of the outcasts that gets made fun of i wouldve never wanted others to go through the same thing, but as a kid i just tried desperately to fit in and i regret it so much and hate myself for being such a blind coward. i caused so much unnecessary pain for nothing. all of the bad things ive done involve doing wrong to other humans, im just not meant to be human.

 

[edu0z]

Lo siento si este es dificil leer, estoy apriendo. Yo tengo trastorno bipolar, entonces "antipsychotics" ayudarme. Quetiapine [la marca es Seroquel] fue un salvador para mi, es un atípico y ayuda con pensamientos obsesivos. Tambien, ayuda de dormir y es rapido- entonces no/poco esta esperando.

Thank you... sorry for speaking to you in Spanish. I saw your name and thought you were Spanish.

 

[CuerpoMuerto]

Thank you... sorry for speaking to you in Spanish. I saw your name and thought you were Spanish.

Its ok! I hope it was legible. Im a studying linguist and just really like Spanish particularly. Grew up around it lol

 

[ManWithNoName]

The worst thing that I did took place during my first year in university (going into my second year now). I had two friends—optimistic, bright, and religious. One person in that friend group truly cared for me. She tried to make a good Christian out of me—explained parts of the Bible to me and such. She even gave me her Bible. Basically, she thought that I needed God to stop being suicidal and such. I didn't want to disappoint her so I would basically go along with everything she said. One day in university, I think it was a Wednesday, I just went absolutely crazy and started to demand tablets with the intention of using them for CTB. I did this because she told me that her sister is a pharmacist and stupid me was just so desperate for something highly accessible, and her sister working in a pharmacy had access to all kinds of drugs. So I basically texted that friend a long message saying something like—it's your choice, you can give me something that would end my life peacefully or I will do something gruesome that everyone will hate me for. Upon reading that, she and her friend blocked me and reported me to the university's well-being thing. The university called me and offered counselling but I refused. Ever since that day, university life is just so miserable. I really regret what I did but desperation is such a strong emotion. I apologised and asked for one more chance but unfortunately, I lost two friends. There was also another friend, we bonded with during one week in college (before the breakdown of the friend group I was in). I remember I offered her all my money to give me something lethal, but obviously without success. What happened with that friend? Well to be honest, either we have fallen out because of me being too depressing or my two previous friends have told her everything and maybe it turned her against me. She hasn't messaged me in months. She replies to my texts but never texts first and when she replies it's really dry and usually one word. Going back to the breakdown of the friend group, I know that I will never get a chance again to apologise properly. I know they will never see this but I am sorry for letting my demons out. At least here everyone would respect my wishes to CTB. I am happy to be part of this community. The worst thing about this situation is that I didn't want them to leave. They started to walk away and I ran after them. I begged them not to leave. Eventually, I just ran away and hid somewhere—I was crying for ages behind some building. Just one image from that day I will never forget is how they left. They walked away—laughing, smiling, and talking. It's like I have never seen them happier before—as if they were liberated. I tried talking to them, apologising—but they just ignored me, walked ahead and continued on laughing and staring into their phones. I know what I did was unforgivable.

The part where they were laughing is terrible. Is this university in a big city in the usa? People in the cities are most callous. As far as asking someone to get you drugs at a pharmacy, it is my understanding that the inventory of drugs at a pharmacy is monitored at all times and the pharmacist is held accountable for any discrepancy. It would be the same as asking someone you know who works at a bank to get you a large pile of cash.

 

[d3j3ct3dl0s3r05]

exist :33


but nah I think it was def all the past times I traumadumped on people unprovoked or had people worrying about whether I was still alive or not. ofc I had shittier social skills and was more volatile then but still not an excuse imo. I wish I could go back in time and just approach things differently but there's no point in that ig. What matters is that I've managed to change and be more attentive to other ppl's concerns (somewhat but getting there)

 

[Scythe]

I was asked out once, and I agreed to try dating them for a while to see if it works out. Then they were pretty invested in me and I felt bad about telling it's not working out. So I didn't and I just kept the act up for as long as I could before they figured it out and I feel really bad about not ending it earlier.

 

[Seered Doom]

Lying to somebody I actually gave an iota of care about and for and still do to this day. I hate that I did that and I am still amazed they forgave me for it.