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lavendersrue

lavendersrue

Perpetual Dreamer
Mar 28, 2022
16
For me, my method is drowning. My biggest fear is that someone will see me and jump in to save me and either a) they'll die, but I'll somehow live and have to live with the weight of their death on my conscience or b) they'll manage to save me, but well after my brain has been permanently damaged, and my life will really be awful.
 
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its-about-time

its-about-time

nope
Mar 19, 2022
807
SN
1. I'm found by someone other than emergency responders, alive or dead. I think my physical appearance after taking SN would be traumatizing for them. My plan has a focus on making sure it's emergency responders who recover my body but unpredictable things happen all the time.
2. It really hurts. Most accounts say it's somewhat painless, but others describe intense pain. My stomach is very problematic as it is and might be an issue.
3. I change my mind and want help but am physically unable to get it, ex if I'm too drowsy or in too much pain to grab my phone, etc.
 
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NorseHel

NorseHel

Tinnitus Enjoyer
Mar 28, 2022
60
Not sure about a method yet, but regardless, probably the usual:
  • Being "saved" or messing up and physically ending up worse off as a result
  • Being saved and now having to face a reality where my loved ones know I tried to ctb
 
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lili

lili

Specialist
Feb 17, 2022
319
SN
1. I'm found by someone other than emergency responders, alive or dead. I think my physical appearance after taking SN would be traumatizing for them. My plan has a focus on making sure it's emergency responders who recover my body but unpredictable things happen all the time.
2. It really hurts. Most accounts say it's somewhat painless, but others describe intense pain. My stomach is very problematic as it is and might be an issue.
3. I change my mind and want help but am physically unable to get it, ex if I'm too drowsy or in too much pain to grab my phone, etc.

All of these are fears I have of SN. The look that my body will have and someone close to me discovering my body like that. Especially since I've seen the pictures online.

The pain. Some people I've read that it hurts in some accounts and I don't have any of the other medications that your supposed to take for SN to be seamless. So I'm scared it will be painful.

The SI hitting really strong towards the end. And being a sad lonely death.

To add:

1. Wanting to leave a last note but not knowing how to do it without worrying people and them wanting to stop you.
2. It not being successful and leaving a note after it unsuccessful and the shame around that.
3. Being found and having to go to the mental institution again.
 
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symphony

symphony

surving hour-by-hour
Mar 12, 2022
779
I'm not 100% on any method yet, but here are some fears I have in general:
  1. Perhaps my biggest fear is a painful end, especially one that cannot be aborted. All the science and anecdotes in the world can suggest that a method is the most peaceful out there, but (at least for me) there will always be doubt, there will always be one voice out there telling how it's actually a sucky ass way to go, and you definitionally can't know yourself until you die by it.
  2. Catastrophic failure. Just about every method I'm considering could leave me with serious brain damage if I was discovered or failed for some other reason.
  3. Fear in my last moments. Perhaps desperately wanting to turn back but no longer being able to. Setting myself along an unknowable path past the point of no return.
 
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Dr Iron Arc

Dr Iron Arc

Into the Unknown
Feb 10, 2020
20,360
The method not working.
 
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FuneralCry

FuneralCry

Just wanting some peace
Sep 24, 2020
35,564
The method failing and ending up with damage. The fear of failure is the main thing that holds me back from ctb, we all deserve the option of a reliable and peaceful way to exit, it is such a cruel world we live in where our right to die is not respected.
 
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UnravelingWinter

UnravelingWinter

I wish I was a sunflower
Mar 19, 2022
206
SN, just how long it takes and the possibility of permanent damage.

After 5-10 minutes, SI might kick in even though I was initially ready to ctb.

If I'm not patient enough to wait for N, I'm just going to have to use SN anyways.
 
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K

Klo

Physical pain and depression
Mar 27, 2022
169
My biggest fear is failure. I was close to taking pills this weekend but I am unsure about dosage so I thought it best to wait one more week to acquire more pills. I live alone so I'm not worried about someone finding me but I am worried about causing neurological damage and surviving

My backup method is a jump but I feel like it is kind of rude to jump from a building where other people live and will have to see you. I would rather avoid that.
 
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Shu

Shu

As above, So Below.
Jan 21, 2022
2,487
I drink it pass out don't die all of my scheduled emails get sent they find me and I get locked into a psych ward for a very long time.
 
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hankbank3928

hankbank3928

Student
Dec 30, 2021
186
I drink it pass out don't die all of my scheduled emails get sent they find me and I get locked into a psych ward for a very long time.
How long do you think they would lock you up in a psych ward for a suicide attempt?
 
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Shu

Shu

As above, So Below.
Jan 21, 2022
2,487
The SI hitting really strong towards the end. And being a sad lonely death.

To add:

1. Wanting to leave a last note but not knowing how to do it without worrying people and them wanting to stop you.
2. It not being successful and leaving a note after it unsuccessful and the shame around that.
3. Being found and having to go to the mental institution again.
This ^
 
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Noctis

Noctis

I wish I'd done it years ago
Dec 15, 2021
308
My method is inert gas asphyxiation, AKA suicide hood. I plan on having emails send out to emergency responders and friends/family a few hours later.

My biggest fear is I'll pass out, then I'll accidentally rip off the hood while thrashing around before dying so I don't die, then all the emails send out while I'm unconscious, then everyone and their mother knows I was about to kill myself and I'm never allowed to be alone again.
 
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symphony

symphony

surving hour-by-hour
Mar 12, 2022
779
How long do you think they would lock you up in a psych ward for a suicide attempt?
It probably varies a lot. Once I was hospitalized after failing at full suspension. I was in the hospital for about a week and a half. Part of the reason I was released is because I was verbally expressing a commitment to pursuing treatment and not immediately re-attempting. This was in the US.
 
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Shu

Shu

As above, So Below.
Jan 21, 2022
2,487
How long do you think they would lock you up in a psych ward for a suicide attempt?
My case I suggest a long time I've been in the psych ward several different times for going to the hospital and tell them that I was suicidal but I feel like if I actually attempted and failed I'm going to be in there for a very long time
My method is inert gas asphyxiation, AKA suicide hood. I plan on having emails send out to emergency responders and friends/family a few hours later.

My biggest fear is I'll pass out, then I'll accidentally rip off the hood while thrashing around before dying so I don't die, then all the emails send out while I'm unconscious, then everyone and their mother knows I was about to kill myself and I'm never allowed to be alone again.
Honestly this is what I fear the most eith my method. I'm not sure how to make it where if I pass out but I don't die they won't get the text or emails. Maybe I can schedule them to send a day later idk anymore.
 
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M

Mtnwildflowers

-
Jan 14, 2022
182
For me, my method is drowning. My biggest fear is that someone will see me and jump in to save me and either a) they'll die, but I'll somehow live and have to live with the weight of their death on my conscience or b) they'll manage to save me, but well after my brain has been permanently damaged, and my life will really be awful.
That the N I ordered isn't actually N
 
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sealbabies

sealbabies

Student
Mar 27, 2022
100
1. it fails
2. stupid amount of pain
 
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D

DeprivedofLife666

Any other childfree people on here?
Mar 28, 2022
109
My method is either saving all of my anti-depressant tablets (Celexa 40mg) in a sandwich zip lock baggy and taking them handful by handful, leaving none behind. I don't know how effective it would be in killing me though. I am a 5ft, 195lb white woman. So I'm afraid that even if I took that insane amount that it still wouldn't off me. I really hope it does because Google has been of no help when trying to find the lethal dose.

Method 2, same thing except the bag will be full of 500mg of Acetaminophen AND Celexa. But even then given my weight, I'm still not sure a successful death will happen. These are my only two options and I plan on doing it in-between 2 and 3am while they sleep since they are both heavy sleepers as to give myself enough time to pay the ferry man.
 
Last edited:
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lavendersrue

lavendersrue

Perpetual Dreamer
Mar 28, 2022
16
My method is either saving all of my anti-depressant tablets (Celexa 40mg) in a sandwich zip lock baggy and taking them handful by handful, leaving none behind. I don't know how effective it would be in killing me though. I am a 5ft, 195lb white woman. So I'm afraid that even if I took that insane amount that it still wouldn't off me. I really hope it does because Google has been of no help when trying to find the lethal dose.

Method 2, same thing except the bag will be full of 500mg of Acetaminophen AND Celexa. But even then given my weight, I'm still not sure a successful death will happen. These are my only two options and I plan on doing it in-between 2 and 3am while they sleep since they are both heavy sleepers as to give myself enough time to pay the ferry man.
I'm not sure how Celexa might affect it, but about two years ago, I attempted to overdose on 8000mg of acetaminophen (Tylenol PM). My stats at the time weren't too far off from yours (5'0, 145lbs, Female). It was not a very pleasant experience. It was probably due to the added diphenhydramine, but it felt like something was trying to forcefully drag me off. I wasn't peaceful at all. I did it at 2 AM, and I ended up waking my household up and having someone call emergency services because it felt so awful. Moreover, acetaminophen overdose can sometimes be an excrutiating and long (sometimes upwards of five days) process.
 
Life interrupted

Life interrupted

Trapped in life
Mar 18, 2022
127
Simply surviving
 
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E

eternalflame

Experienced
Mar 30, 2022
256
Hanging - being found or scarf breaking tearing = brain damage
Electric outlet - heart damage, burned body, burning house down
 
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befree

befree

Time to do more enjoyable things _____Goodbye_____
Mar 22, 2022
2,587
Survive with permanent damage.
 
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D

DeprivedofLife666

Any other childfree people on here?
Mar 28, 2022
109
I'm not sure how Celexa might affect it, but about two years ago, I attempted to overdose on 8000mg of acetaminophen (Tylenol PM). My stats at the time weren't too far off from yours (5'0, 145lbs, Female). It was not a very pleasant experience. It was probably due to the added diphenhydramine, but it felt like something was trying to forcefully drag me off. I wasn't peaceful at all. I did it at 2 AM, and I ended up waking my household up and having someone call emergency services because it felt so awful. Moreover, acetaminophen overdose can sometimes be an excrutiating and long (sometimes upwards of five days) process.
Really? Aww man, I really hope it's successful for me. I have no life and I refuse to be my grandparent's Cash Cow any longer. And I refuse to live in this shit hole neighborhood for 20 more years bc they are still paying off the mortgage.
 
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Darkover

Darkover

Angelic
Jul 29, 2021
4,158
drinking N and being sick and not leaving this world behind a waste of 1100usd
 
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O

ornitier199

Arcanist
Mar 26, 2022
413
I don't think there is one for mine. Jumping from the bridge and into that pit is a guaranteed death.
 
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NSA

NSA

Your friendly neighborhood agent
Feb 21, 2022
262
My tank leaks and I don't realize it before I start.
I have an unexpected reaction to the gas.
The bag leaks.
I pull the bag off or tear it while unconscious.
Someone finds me too early.
Someone finds me too late and my liquified remains make some poor paramedic's job way harder than it should be.
The cops break into my home post-death and steal the money I'll be setting aside in a note for my disposal and next month's rent.
 
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T

thefoodispoison

Student
Oct 14, 2021
108
I drink it pass out don't die all of my scheduled emails get sent they find me and I get locked into a psych ward for a very long time.
Why not schedule your emails for like 3 days later? That gives you time to recover if you have a failed attempt (that wasn't from being found) and you can cancel them. No need to send them day of.
My method is either saving all of my anti-depressant tablets (Celexa 40mg) in a sandwich zip lock baggy and taking them handful by handful, leaving none behind. I don't know how effective it would be in killing me though. I am a 5ft, 195lb white woman. So I'm afraid that even if I took that insane amount that it still wouldn't off me. I really hope it does because Google has been of no help when trying to find the lethal dose.

Method 2, same thing except the bag will be full of 500mg of Acetaminophen AND Celexa. But even then given my weight, I'm still not sure a successful death will happen. These are my only two options and I plan on doing it in-between 2 and 3am while they sleep since they are both heavy sleepers as to give myself enough time to pay the ferry man.
Please don't do this. It's likely to be miserably painful, cause permanent damage, and not work. An extreme Celexa overdose can cause death but it can also just make you have seizures.
 
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UpandDownPrincess

UpandDownPrincess

Elementalist
Dec 31, 2019
833
My method is either saving all of my anti-depressant tablets (Celexa 40mg) in a sandwich zip lock baggy and taking them handful by handful, leaving none behind. I don't know how effective it would be in killing me though. I am a 5ft, 195lb white woman. So I'm afraid that even if I took that insane amount that it still wouldn't off me. I really hope it does because Google has been of no help when trying to find the lethal dose.

Method 2, same thing except the bag will be full of 500mg of Acetaminophen AND Celexa. But even then given my weight, I'm still not sure a successful death will happen. These are my only two options and I plan on doing it in-between 2 and 3am while they sleep since they are both heavy sleepers as to give myself enough time to pay the ferry man.

Neither of these will work, but they might damage your liver and make your further life difficult and/or painful.

Please do not try this.
 
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georgecostanza

georgecostanza

Member
Mar 6, 2022
71
My method is either saving all of my anti-depressant tablets (Celexa 40mg) in a sandwich zip lock baggy and taking them handful by handful, leaving none behind. I don't know how effective it would be in killing me though. I am a 5ft, 195lb white woman. So I'm afraid that even if I took that insane amount that it still wouldn't off me. I really hope it does because Google has been of no help when trying to find the lethal dose.

Method 2, same thing except the bag will be full of 500mg of Acetaminophen AND Celexa. But even then given my weight, I'm still not sure a successful death will happen. These are my only two options and I plan on doing it in-between 2 and 3am while they sleep since they are both heavy sleepers as to give myself enough time to pay the ferry man.
what makes you think that overdosing on antidepressants would be lethal?

how about trying to overdose on apples or bananas?
 
D

DeprivedofLife666

Any other childfree people on here?
Mar 28, 2022
109
what makes you think that overdosing on antidepressants would be lethal?

how about trying to overdose on apples or bananas?
Any medication is lethal if you take huge enough amounts. Apples and Bananas? Please. My grandparents are so redneck they wouldn't know what to do with fruit if they saw it. Anything edible comes either as meat or processed snacks through the door. No fruit, no vegetables.
Neither of these will work, but they might damage your liver and make your further life difficult and/or painful.

Please do not try this.
That's something I didn't want to hear as it's the only method I have.
 

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