What is the point of going on without a partner?

[DesolateSouls]

I'm about to be 27 and an absolute loser. I haven't been in a relationship or even had sex in nearly 4 years, and the few relationships I've had were very short lived. At this point I can't even imagine what it's like to have someone to be intimate with that you can actually share your feelings about CTB with, doesn't even seem real. Seems like it would make everything so much easier to deal with. I see happy 18-19 yr olds all around me in community college and they are mostly all in happy relationships and don't know what it is like to be truly alone. I really do not see any point to continue on if I am going to be alone forever. My plan was to CTB on my 27th bday but I might do it early because I can't really take it anymore.

 

[Sulyya]

Physical and emotional loneliness can both cause plenty of harm. I absolutely understand the feelings and desires that you're describing and many people here will - you can open up about that here at least, for now.

 

[cowie]

I feel the exact same way. Same age too. Too many years alone.

Welcome and feel free to ask questions.

 

[FuneralCry]

I think that it would be rare to find someone who accepts the right to die and who you can share your wish to die with, without negative consequences. But anyway while I do know that for many loneliness can be painful, the reality is that people can be disappointing and you cannot trust and rely on them. Very often being around other people just leads to more problems.

 

[StillBreathing]

In my opinion relationships bring way more misery than being single does. Just because you are not in a relationship doesn't make you a looser. Being alone has a lot of benefits, you get to do whatever you want whenever you want.

 

[AllMyDreams]

This is just so common nowadays... community is being wiped out in favor of sitting at home on the computer (either at work or in your free time). Don't feel that it's your fault, and don't hate yourself; it's more of a societal problem. You are strong for having made it this far. Also, comparing yourself to other people constantly will never make you feel better and will only demoralize you.

Here's the reality. You will NEVER be as happy or successful as many people, including some of the people you see at community college. Accept that now. But you can still be happy and have a good life.

With relationships it only takes one person, you are still young. You have no choice but to put yourself out there. I am good looking and most people I talk to online want to sleep with me, but I haven't found a relationship in part because I never go out to meet people in person. Even though I'm 23 I wish I met more people when I was 18-20. When you are in your 30s you'll wish you met more people when you were 27, and so on.

But most importantly, work on yourself instead of staying where you are and trying to find companionship. Because if you rely on other people for happiness you will never be happy consistently. If you adopt a mindset of always loving yourself no matter what happens, and viewing bad experiences in life as 'interesting' instead of things to die over, you will attract people to you. Figure out what you like to do, do that thing, find likeminded people or a community to be a part of, and go from there. Don't spend all your time on online dating sites.

 

[Roseate]

Firstly, most of the 18-19 year olds you see aren't in happy relationships. It may look like that from the outside but they're probably dealing with cheating significant others and haven't even quite lived yet, they may not last. Second, if you're looking for a relationship, put the effort into your look, how you present yourself matters. Dress to impress and actually go places to meet women, don't only depend on online dating. And don't think because you are in a relationship, somehow your problems will all go away. Relationship comes with a whole new set of problems that you will have to be able to handle. But good luck. I would give it a try if that's your only reason for wanting to ctb. And remember sometimes relationships fail and that's okay. Find the reason and work on it so the next relationship will hopefully last.

 

[DesolateSouls]

This is just so common nowadays... community is being wiped out in favor of sitting at home on the computer (either at work or in your free time). Don't feel that it's your fault, and don't hate yourself; it's more of a societal problem. You are strong for having made it this far. Also, comparing yourself to other people constantly will never make you feel better and will only demoralize you.

Here's the reality. You will NEVER be as happy or successful as many people, including some of the people you see at community college. Accept that now. But you can still be happy and have a good life.

With relationships it only takes one person, you are still young. You have no choice but to put yourself out there. I am good looking and most people I talk to online want to sleep with me, but I haven't found a relationship in part because I never go out to meet people in person. Even though I'm 23 I wish I met more people when I was 18-20. When you are in your 30s you'll wish you met more people when you were 27, and so on.

But most importantly, work on yourself instead of staying where you are and trying to find companionship. Because if you rely on other people for happiness you will never be happy consistently. If you adopt a mindset of always loving yourself no matter what happens, and viewing bad experiences in life as 'interesting' instead of things to die over, you will attract people to you. Figure out what you like to do, do that thing, find likeminded people or a community to be a part of, and go from there. Don't spend all your time on online dating sites.

Hey there, I appreciate the candid reply. The thing is, I have been working really hard on improving myself for years now, and I'm still single af. In my early 20s I got into drugs and was an addict headed down an extremely bad path. I turned my life around and now a few years later I'm an honors computer science student about to transfer to university. Yet I still can't love myself. No matter what I do or how hard I try to improve myself and become a better and more interesting person, I just can't stand myself. I guess my mindset is if I'm in a relationship, at least one person loves me and that would help me to love myself knowing that someone else does.

I feel the exact same way. Same age too. Too many years alone.

Welcome and feel free to ask questions.

Hey there, sorry for the late reply but I'm sorry that you're going through it too. I feel like there is a primal need for emotional and physical intimacy that when not fulfilled causes extreme emotional pain. I'd be interested to know the effect it has on our brains; I wonder if people like us that have been alone for long periods of time, especially while our brains are still developing in our 20s, have abnormal brain functioning/neuroplasticity related to the lack of that primal need.

 

[AllMyDreams]

Hey there, I appreciate the candid reply. The thing is, I have been working really hard on improving myself for years now, and I'm still single af. In my early 20s I got into drugs and was an addict headed down an extremely bad path. I turned my life around and now a few years later I'm an honors computer science student about to transfer to university. Yet I still can't love myself. No matter what I do or how hard I try to improve myself and become a better and more interesting person, I just can't stand myself. I guess my mindset is if I'm in a relationship, at least one person loves me and that would help me to love myself knowing that someone else does.

Sounds to me like you're fixating on everything bad about your life (single, not having sex) and flat-out taking for granted all the good things. I mean you have a stable career path, and the determination and strength to turn your life around from addiction when so many stay trapped their entire lives.

If you stay with your current mindset you will never be happy. You'll have a relationship but then you're miserable bc you don't have kids. You'll have kids but your kids aren't as impressive as other peoples' kids. You'll have a job but other people have a better job. You'll never enjoy any moment in your life like that.

If you aren't happy with aspects of your life then yeah it's okay to be mad at yourself but it's not okay to totally hate yourself especially when you have a lot to be proud of. Even when things seem to be going completely wrong, there should always be a part of you that says I'm grateful to be here and that I'm experiencing these challenges because it's what makes life interesting. And that's a hard thing to develop for a lot of people but I believe you can.

 

[Caoine01]

I am going to be alone forever

I think that the partner you want to die with doesn't necessarily have to be your life partner. Also, I don't think it's appropriate for this connection to demand love or sex. This relationship should be built solely on mutual trust to achieve a single final goal together. If you set the framework far enough, and approach your partner and open yourself up, there will be a match for you in the near future.