What is the main reason you wanna ctb

[oooobeeeeii]

Ofc if you feel comfortable sharing :)

 

[Kundalini Guy]

I have been mentally ill for half my life and I realize only suffering is ahead of me in the future. Without video games and meds, I would have died long ago am just realizing now that being dead is less suffering than alive. Not only that I also have nothing career/job wise so no woman will want an unemployed mental guy.

 

[Cryptonite]

Late diagnosed Scheuermann's disease.

 

[bleakhouse]

I've been mentally ill since I was 11, I'm 28 now. Nearly everyone in my family is a single, depressed loser - bad genetics.

I was bullied growing up, including by my depressed abusive father.

I have a cognitive variation called 'overgeneral autobiographical memory' which is linked to and causes depression. I basically don't remember any events in my life except fraumatic ones. I've had this bad memory my whole life, so does my mother. Since I've understood I've had this cognitive variation, it's explained so many issues I've had and my struggles to fit in or be happy, I've understood I'm going through struggles other people just don't have, I've accepted I just would rather not live.

Also long covid and brain damage from taking pregabalin for nerve pain. I just don't enjoy life at all. The only thing keeping me here is fear of the big black nothing of actually being dead

 

[jamie_]

see below

 

[outrider567]

Loss

 

[Gaga786]

Broken past

 

[tapetum_lucidum]

Ofc if you feel comfortable sharing :)

The only thing that brings me happiness is my cat, and that isn't nearly enough to keep me want to keep living. She's 13, so neither of us will be around much longer. I don't think I'm capable of experiencing joy

 

[TooTiredToSleep]

Lots of past trauma mixed with recent events that have basically ruined any future I might have had. My life is basically past the point of no return and I just want to be done with everything.

 

[Dead Meat]

Broken Body
Broken Mind
Broken Heart

 

[Challu]

Once I realized there was no eternal hell or everlasting damnation I ordered my SN in the same month, late 2022. Delayed ordering an anti-emetic to do research about the Bible (Greek and Hebrew translations) watched a ton of videos to make sure I was right. And I'm convinced now.
Waiting for my motilium.
Planning for the first week of May.

 

[Galileo3630]

1) My father CTB'd when I was 3 and he did it by hanging because my mom was cheating with a different man right infront of him whilst he laid of the floor cold and drowning in his own tears. I feel disgusted and subhuman being born from such a mother.

2) I've been abused all my life and the only friend I have Is my current girlfriend of 4 almost 5 years.

3) I'm socially awkward and can't do anything to combat it because I know English better than my own Language, due to how much I hate Lithuanian, so whenever I talk to people, I tend to start speaking English instead of my native language and that completely fucks up the conversation because I can't muster up the correct words or form a proper sentence.

4) I have a stuttering issue, so not only do I struggle to form sentences, I also stutter a lot, and 90% of the people I talk to are impatient, so when I start to stutter and trip up they just cut me off and the conversation comes to an abrupt stop.

5) I over-all just don't look attractive, at least to myself. My girlfriend is a nice, thicccc quadruple C, goth girl, she's super pretty, nice, incredibly open-minded and smart, yet I somehow managed to "bag" her.

6) Personally, I'd say I've endured enough in 20 years of my life.

7) When I was younger, going back to my 2) point, my step-father would abuse my mother in front of me and my sister and all we could do was sit there hugging each other and crying while he kept beating her and screaming out for help, when the beating would be over, she'd come out of the room blaming me and my sister for not calling the cops, but we were simply too little to even know our home's address. Speaking of being beat, my mother wasn't the only victim, I was also being beat for the smallest of things, like when I was playing with my cousin and I was running across the hall, my step-father decided to open one of those little disk inserters for his DVD player and I ran and accidentally broke it, which by the way, was easily fixable if he would've just pushed it back inside. For such a mistake, I was mercilessly beat until I was gasping for air through my tears. Then there was an occurrence where I got mad at my sister and jokingly said that I should've sold her for cigs cause one time when me and my best friend were walking together these 2 old homeless people offered us to buy her for a pack of cigs and I obviously said no and walked away asap, but I don't remember why exactly, during the evening my sister angered me and I jokingly said that maybe I should've sold her for those cigs and laughed, but my sister took it literally and told my step-dad, which lead to him pinning me to the ground by my neck out of anger, I laid there for a solid 3 minutes in utter shock until my step-dad eventually told me that I can stop faking it and get up.

8) I was neglected all my life, when my mom left to go to Great Britain, I was left there with my step-dad, whilst my mom took our sister to go with her. So I was left there, 90% of the time spending it alone at home because my step-dad was away drinking, and I'd just be there, playing Turok, an old ps3 game. When I was around 15, I was self-harming a lot and when I talked to my aunt about it, even showing her pictures, my aunt got worried and told my mom right away, but the best my mom could do was just lift up my hoodie's sleeves and check and then tell me "You can't do that" with a worried expression and nothing else after that. When I asked her about it 1 or so years later, she said that she thought I was only doing it because of my step-dad being a dick and no, I wasn't doing it because of that, I was cutting myself because I wanted to hit an artery and hopefully bleed out.

9) I'm incredibly stupid, when it comes to real life, I'm severely unintelligent and I hated school for proving it to me and a daily basis, sure, I wasn't studying or doing any of my homework, but that was only because I already knew that even if I tried I'd get a bad grade, so I never tried, it got so bad that during my last year of highschool I only attended 13% of my classes, because I skipped almost all of them out of shear boredom and hatred for the education system. And now when I sit on TikTok, sometimes I get reminded that school didn't fail me, I just didn't try hard enough, yeah no. Fuck the Education system, I hate every single bit of it and the practice of it.

10) I'm a people's pleaser. And I can't help it.

There's a lot more to my sad life, but I've already typed so much so that my fingers are starting to cramp up, either way, life sucks and fuck the education system.

 

[yive]

don't want to suffer, life is not for me

 

[Shadowlord900]

I hate how I've been treated in the past.

Still not happy with how I'm being treated now by a few people.

I hate how most of the world works.

I hate humans to the point I wish I wasn't human myself.

 

[FuneralCry]

For me, life in itself is enough of a reason to wish for suicide. Life is the true problem that is solved by death. I want to ctb as I despise life and don't see it as being worth enduring in any way.
There is nothing to be gained by this futile and tedious struggle that is completely unnecessary, I have no interest in suffering just to decay from old age. I view it as always being preferable to not exist and I just see wanting suicide as being a logical response to existing in this hellish world filled with unlimited potential to be tortured. To not exist is ideal to me, as nobody can be harmed by death, and there are no disadvantages to being dead. Simply just existing makes the thought of permanent nonexistence sound so incredibly appealing.

 

[themethod]

Joined today so this is my first post!

I feel like im just not like other people... I don't really function properly... never have! I'm relatively smart but I have terrible organisation skills which logistically just makes living in this f***ing world so hard... I have just got to the point where living simply seems less worth it than dying and I dream about CTB a lot now!
Not having a method bothers me a lot, of course there is no easy one but that's why I am here, to be prepared if and when the time is right... but each day now it's looking more likely!

 

[Alcoholic Teletubby]

Lack of acceptance. That's the crux of it.

 

[ringo99]

Chronic depression brought on by bullying in school, hyper competitive society, unstable job market, neurological disorder

 

[Buddha.chris]

I would say my family is a biggest reason they brought me into this world and don't want to help when they see me suffering the other reason is the possibility of growing older and getting worse with age having my life ruined by depression ,suicidal tendencies , suicidal ideation 24/7 and suffering more then I am right now .

 

[SewerslideHoliday]

Massive anxiety and paranoia.
Feels like I need to die now before things get so much worse, which over time anxiety and paranoia has led me to be so highly convinced that it will be.

 

[NoLoveNoHope]

I failed at living, lost the one I loved and stopped taking care of myself, pretty much gave up. The loss still torments me, I have dreams taunting me for my loss - how I failed. Not being over it when I'm expected to just adds to that sense of failure.

 

[PyramidHead]

It's really a big combination of things. I'm an insecure and dysfunctional person. Have been trying to act human my entire life, but it's just impossible. Can't even look at myself in the mirror without retching. I think I'm way, way past the point of no return.