Discussion What is the correct way of making genuine and lasting friendships?

[Lmd]

Thankfully this psychologist gives free therapy sesions, otherwise I could never had enough money for a full threatment, its in a place our government put to support suicidal people.

This explains a lot. If you already have friends then you don't have to worry. Having people to call friends is already difficult so you are doing some good things for sure.

 

[Anonymous1997ES]

Where is this solid base of self-love supposed to come from? Self-esteem can't be pulled out of thin air. It comes from the feeling that you're good at or for something.

To be honest it feels nice to be in a place where people don't call self-love as a panacea who can fix everything, I guess I have few good traits but, many mistakes and regrets I've made makes me believe I'm not a good person to be honest...

I truly wish i knew,

Based on this thread I guess it could be this:
1. Try to be yourself as much as you can.
2. Be funny and/or kind with people.
3. Put boundaries to avoid people using you as a tool.
4. Respect others, be kind and supportive.

Yes, self-acceptance/self-love is crucial, but you can only make progress on that front by taking baby steps. You have to be very patient & persistent, nobody can change anything significant about themselves overnight.

You're right, I've heard in other sites that while the damage others did to us isn't our fault, it's our responsibility to fix it... Sounds unfair but, guess that's how life is.

This explains a lot. If you already have friends then you don't have to worry. Having people to call friends is already difficult so you are doing some good things for sure.

Sometimes it's hard to believe... Managed to reconnect with a childhood best friend and we're working to repair our bond, and aside from him I guess I still have 6-7 more friends, and for now it's more than enough.

 

[Makko]

To be honest it feels nice to be in a place where people don't call self-love as a panacea who can fix everything, I guess I have few good traits but, many mistakes and regrets I've made makes me believe I'm not a good person to be honest...

It's not Armageddon yet and in practice you're never judged as the sum of your parts. You're judged as whatever side of yourself you stick out to the public at any given time. If you keep your good side turned to others they will think you're good, and whatever you're hiding is like the dark side of the moon. People know it should be there but they don't get to see, analyse or judge it.

 

[TriggerHappy]

It's not Armageddon yet and in practice you're never judged as the sum of your parts. You're judged as whatever side of yourself you stick out to the public at any given time. If you keep your good side turned to others they will think you're good, and whatever you're hiding is like the dark side of the moon. People know it should be there but they don't get to see, analyse or judge it.

aaargh. But I tried so hard to hide the darklyshining evil self-loathing self destructive stuff!
Then I messed everything up and everyone got to see it. In glorious graphic detail.
Now I just make them scared and frustrated.
Hey, I pulled out their dark sides also! I'm a genius / idiot
Come Armageddon come (Morrissey exSmiths lyric :: see below)


I dunno why this has me a bit twisted:

Based on this thread I guess it could be this: V
1. Try to be yourself as much as you can.
2. Be funny and/or kind with people.
3. Put boundaries to avoid people using you as a tool.
4. Respect others, be kind and supportive.

Is this your survival list, really? How old are you? I'm hoping yo murder your therapist, they're high on their own meds. No offense but get as old / cynical & jaded as me that you gotta try be this perfect thing is so unreal (in the literal vs emotive sense) it just frustrates me.
I'm all for self respect over self loathing, and I try to keep to the list. I do.

1 . Try be yourself as much as you can. What a fucked thought. I'd fuckn have murdered myself ages ago!
What does that even mean? Honestly? Im such fuckup, i don't even recognize myself anymore. Thats why I'm here, I'm done with trying to fix myself, that bullshit pretending its all ok with my family at the beach house in sri Lanka :: Idyllic place meant to be so awesome but I was so fucked up i obsessed abt walkin into the sea! And they had no idea.
People would hate me if i truly did what I wanted (people would scream & scatter, babies would cry).
Maybe in my myopic view I'm misunderstanding this thread :: hey maybe u won't understand.
But the wanting itself is the flaw.