What is stopping you from ctb?

[ThroughTheLight]

When you want to ctb, what is it that stops you from doing it? I was curious about the most common reasons people have for not dying despite having suicidal urges. For me, it would be mainly survival instinct; if not for that, I would have died many times over.
I apologize if someone has posted a poll like this before.

Pick as many options as are applicable to your situation.

 

[willitpass2]

I've survived the unsurvivable so many times it feels like I can't fucking die. As such, I know the pain that can come from various different methods. The more I survive, the harder it becomes to get over the SI because of the trauma of all the past attempts. My physical health is now failing me, though. I'm trying to use that to my advantage.

 

[ThroughTheLight]

I've survived the unsurvivable so many times it feels like I can't fucking die. As such, I know the pain that can come from various different methods. The more I survive, the harder it becomes to get over the SI because of the trauma of all the past attempts. My physical health is now failing me, though. I'm trying to use that to my advantage.

Thank you for sharing your experience. I'm sorry you've had to go through such suffering, and I hope you find peace.

 

[darksouls]

afraid of afterlife

 

[Forveleth]

I have a rule not to make an attempt until I feel ready, so I have to wait for my subconscious to be on the same page as my forebrain. Unfortunately, that has not happened for a while and I am not sure if I can make it do so.

 

[Bombercrab]

is it shitty ahh to say i just wanna finish watching some anime and playing through mewgenics before i CTB, like i really fucking hate this planet and i have no aspirations and the worls going to hell and i just want to leave, but idk im also ok to wait like 2 months cus im having a fire time playing video games and watching anime. Also like yeah iv made 3 attempts over the past 4 years and i swear survival instinct is literaly a fucking demon
but i also dont know if im just putting CTB off. fuck i want to CTB but like, fuck. ):
gng im juss a goofy goober

 

[ThroughTheLight]

is it shitty ahh to say i just wanna finish watching some anime and playing through mewgenics before i CTB, like i really fucking hate this planet and i have no aspirations and the worls going to hell and i just want to leave, but idk im also ok to wait like 2 months cus im having a fire time playing video games and watching anime. Also like yeah iv made 3 attempts over the past 4 years and i swear survival instinct is literaly a fucking demon
but i also dont know if im just putting CTB off. fuck i want to CTB but like, fuck. ):
gng im juss a goofy goober

No it's not shitty at all. Any reason to live is valid; live for any reason you want :)

 

[sobeit0]

I have multiple reasons--one of them is that I am afraid of what happens after I die. I assume I just "stop," but even the thought of that has become kind of spooky. I imagine when I die I'll just be thinking of every horrible thing that happened and all the regrets I carry, just as I do now. There won't be relief in anything. Just fear and a very deep sense of despair until my brain starts shutting off. I could just use a gun, which I will obtain anyway. Don't really want someone to come across a corpse like that though.

 

[ThroughTheLight]

I have multiple reasons--one of them is that I am afraid of what happens after I die. I assume I just "stop," but even the thought of that has become kind of spooky. I imagine when I die I'll just be thinking of every horrible thing that happened and all the regrets I carry, just as I do now. There won't be relief in anything. Just fear and a very deep sense of despair until my brain starts shutting off. I could just use a gun, which I will obtain anyway. Don't really want someone to come across a corpse like that though.

I think a gun is the best idea if you can find one, since it has such a high success rate. Once you pull the trigger I'd assume there's no turning back, so survival instinct won't kick in. The good thing about nothing happening after you die is that there's no "you" anymore which can be afraid. In my opinion that outcome after death is not a bad experience.

 

[FuneralCry]

I only continue to suffer in this torturous, cruel existence as a result of humans making it illegal to die painlessly, there truly is just so much terrible extreme cruelty in how humans are forced to suffer in this existence I just always saw as the most terrible mistake, making peaceful ways to cease existing inaccessible is criminal to me.

There is so much evil in how we exist in this prison anti-suicide world where the suffering and torture of existing is seen as to force and prolong no matter what, to suffer in this existence will just always be an abomination to me, no matter what the peace of non-existence is all I could see as positive.

 

[Somewhat Suicidal]

All of these, being conditions of one another:

• Exhaustion or lack of motivation
  • I can't even motivate myself to really plan anything
  • much less get myself to do anything in order to have an actual method at hand, so...
• I can't find the means or an opportunity
• • so while I can find the means
  • I can't really find an opportunity to be serious about it and thus have...
• Fear of a failed attempt or the pain involved:
  • Since I don't have N readily available
  • (or know any other painless method)
  • all the options that are available seem unsafe or incredibly hurtful

Also:

• Part (or all) of me still wants to live, because...
• There are things I still want to experience or accomplish
  • even if my belief of those being possible diminishes every day...
• Survival instinct
  • is just a bitch nonetheless and no matter how bad things are for no apparent reason.
  • Can't be the obvious one of procreation since that's not in my grasp at all and hasn't been for years.

 

[Corovaner]

Strange mix of hope, agression, fear of surviving sn and desire to fix my health and life overall. But it is impossible, what makes me more depressed and frustrated. I don't want to live, and at the same time don't want to die. I just want another life, my current life is not mine. But I cannot change it anyway. Fuck.....