Discussion WHAT is stopping you from committing?

[Pryras]

I'm not sure honestly, I'm hoping for something...just don't know what. Everything is on pause right now. I'm not scared of death since it's inevitable and something we will all experience but more so just the courage to go through with it.

 

[Lorntroubles]

Since you're REAL curious, I'm stopping myself from ctb. I have to get things in order, first. You haven't talked about your issues, wassup OP?

 

[BaconCheeseburger]

The fact that I'm in the process of buying a flat which would create more hassle when it comes to writing my will. On the plus side having my own place would give me a reason to live because I'd have my own safe space for once

 

[Erase.myself]

Waiting to get out of psych so I can order my fucking SN. Also need to write goodbye letters especially to my mom and grandma. Also I need to find a place to CTB. Im at risk of getting caught considering I have room mates and I share a room.

 

[Squiddy]

Fear of the unknown, family and friends are what's stopping me

 

[FireFox]

Being hospitalised

Family but then again i feel like a burden on my family being unenemployed on welfare

 

[zer05mdy]

I got tickets to see my favorite band this fall (My Chemical Romance) after being a fan for 8, almost 9 years. Kind of stupid reason but I was really suicidal when I was younger and that band singlehandedly kept me alive and fighting. They split up in 2013, so I know it's a really stupid reason but I'm trying to hang on for my 12 year old self to see this one through.

 

[LilBird]

Suicide, a term that is taboo in society.

Whats stopping you from taking action and succeeding?

Family & Friends?

Survival Instincts?

Fear of Death?

Other problems that have to be resolved?

I'm curious. Real curious.

The thought of failing

 

[OhItsZemblanity]

I'm not really sure...money and holding out for hope, I guess. Moved back in with a family member who is on disability, so they get checks for that and food stamps, but I try to contribute what I can to them. I was supposed to move in with a friend and his wife after the summer but COVID has deeply fucked with my income to do so...friend told me "you know, we've both always been sad and we've both never lived together. I see some correlation". I figured, why not? Maybe it will be the change I need. Set up our dreamatorium, make his wife annoyed enough to murder us, ya know...the good shit. But I don't think I'll be able to get that...so I've been thinking of putting in an order for that DeBreather.

 

[Space Cadet]

Suicide, a term that is taboo in society.

Whats stopping you from taking action and succeeding?

Family & Friends?

Survival Instincts?

Fear of Death?

Other problems that have to be resolved?

I'm curious. Real curious.

Well fear of failing and being worse off - such as jumping of high building and being disabled and scarred, or jumping in front of a train and losing alimb but surviving.

Also scared of what comes after as I don't think it will grant me what I wish - to be at peace... I think - no I believe (and it sucks) - that life is not just physical but spiritual so I believe that when you die your essence, your consciousness leaves your physical body and what happens then scares the shit out of me to. That and the SI means I'm stuck in this perpetual existence of just surviving but not really feeling like I'm living but to scared to CTB to.

 

[Starseedchip]

Survival instinct and it sucks. The first time I attempted when I was a teenager it was so easy and I had no fear but now my si is getting in the way

 

[262653]

I dunno, it's strange. I was thinking about doing it this morning -- made breakfast instead and now I'm Serious Sam HD I dunno why but I don't feel like doing it, even though I believe it's one of the best decisions for me, and aside from psychological factor everything has been dealt with...

 

[suffocatingseraphim]

There are a few reasons, but one oddly specific, pervasive thought, is the fear of how my body will be found and if my family will have to identify it. I'm still going between methods, but I'm sure I'll do a form of OD.
I'm also worried that doing it would cause my friends to get into very bad places, and follow in my footsteps, since everyone I know has a degree of suicidal thoughts and behaviors. My survival instinct is too damn strong now, too.
I'm also scared of leaving behind a huge mess for everyone to deal with, scared of leaving my pets behind, that sorta thing. Some days I wish I had 0 connections to anyone or anything so I could just end it.

 

[Painless_end]

Survival instinct, also unsure of what method I could use.

I do not have access to or inclination towards hanging, cutting, chemicals, drowning, train jump etc. Basically any method that requires any kind of external tools is not something that I feel will work for me.

The only remotely accessible method to me and one that *could* work is jumping and I ONLY have access to the roof of my 4 storey apartment building.

It doesn't seem high enough. Also it isn't always empty. There's people walking around there and then there's another huge 7 storey building right next to ours at a distance of barely 20 feet whose 5th floor apartment windows directly look into our building roof. There's ALWAYS people there.

All in all, I'm terribly afraid of jumping too.

So I'm at a lack of options even though I desperately want to escape this life.

 

[dxnys]

My grandparents opened their door to me when I was hopeless. Now I don't want to CTB in their home and chock them.

 

[Worthless_nobody]

My dogs are the only thing stopping me.

Same here my dog is only reason I'm here and he needs expensive surgery which was put off due to corona virus so now I'm just waiting. My mom is my only other reason I even hesitate to ctb.

 

[aardar]

I scheduled a trip. Already bought tickets and made hotel reservations.
When the trip is over, I'll then act.

 

[a.n.kirillov]

I do wish I was able to obtain N instead of SN, but I'm not sure if I'm willing to take the risk of ordering it.

What's the risk? Are you from Singapore or something?

The hospitals are overrun with coronavirus patients and I don't to wait fail and be a burden. I'm also waiting to find out if I've gotten on to a PhD programme.

That's a good point!

 

[ohhgeeitsme]

The only thing stopping me at the moment is that I don't want to ctb where I'm at, as I now live with my father and brother after losing my job and home and don't want them to have to find me. Especially since I don't drive, the virus has made things even more difficult, as I plan to travel elsewhere to do it. I've already tried a few months ago, four times by partial hanging, but failed and then almost immediately had to move in with family. Other than that, simply not wanting to hurt people is what makes it difficult, but not exactly what is currently stopping me.

 

[sullen-girl]

fear of messing it up and having to face everyone after

 

[icetea15]

The preparation. Should I delete all photos? Documents? I pre-sorted everything. I don't know how much of my past should still exist. Whatsappchats and everything else.

 

[Pupu]

I don't want to hurt my family. I guess my mom is pretty lonely and because of that I play a big role in her life just like I would play anyway since I'm her kid. My brother is not doing great either, I don't really think he would be too bothered since we are not close but I wouldn't want to add any more burden and make him fail.

Preparation 1: I should get rid off my stuff which feels a heavy thing to do. There is too much everything and I can't just leave it all for my mom, I worry she couldn't ever deal with my stuff and I don't want her to end up an hoarder. Would also be nice to get some money from some of my stuff or atleast save her money so she wouldn't need to pay for getting my stuff moved out from the rent flat I'm living.

Preparation 2: CTB-method. My dream is to use CO-poisoning and doing it by chemicals so there wouldn't be that hassle with charcoals. But even it seems so easy it might not be. I don't want to fail, so I need good preparations and yet I'm not that sure do I have access to all acids needed. Or do I have the energy...

Energy. Before I felt I had a little energy to start a little with preparation 1, but at the moment I feel so down I can't do much. I just be, and sleep as much as possible. Which is stupid, because the more I would do for this the more comfortable I would feel. Now every day I have less and less energy and power and just being doing nothing makes me feel more awful.

Shame. It ofc shouldn't matter what other people think about myself and I used to think this is the way I thought. But obviously it is not. By ctb I'll admit I am that loser many people most likely thought I was at the beginning. I lived my life thinking I'm that ugly duckling and wanted to end up being something nice, have a nice job to help my family financially and maybe that way have a purpose in my life. There have been couple mean people in my life too and I don't want them to have satisfaction over my ctb. My ctb has nothing to do with them but with their mind setting I'm aware they might turn it as a victory they so desperately wanted to have from me.

Childiss hope as at times I hope so much everything would be different. I know my situation can't be fixed, but at times I just want to hope it would be possible. Like getting to the beginning of the game and have an opportunity to build up new character for the game. But most likely the best option would be the to have the opportunity to choose wether I press that "PLAY" button or not.

 

[MissKatrina]

I've failed in the past due to SI kicking in or just not a good enough method. The last time I took something that used to give me an anaphylactic reaction. But I was losing my allergy response to it, so it only hit me mildly at first, and I thought I wasn't going to die but needed support to prevent injury, so I took a lot of antihistamines and anti nausea and admitted myself to hospital over accidental use. Then in the waiting room it hit full blast and was given medical treatment. I lost severe allergy response to this. So now i'm just waiting for SN to arrive and then I'm going to put everything in place and say my goodbyes.

 

[Lady black]

I don´t want to die alone, that keeps me from doing it. But it seems it will be alone

 

[Halnas]

That CoVid19 nonsense.
And i have to do more preparations, nothing major, but still.

 

[GoneGoneGone]

I read how everyone is talking about leaving goodbye messages, wills etc. ... I do not understand. I absolutely do not give af abt who inherits what, whether I will be buried or cremated abroad or will have to be brought to my home country, I absolutely cannot be bothered. Who cares? I mean, I won't, I will be gone. Let my family sort out of the beautiful mess of 'me' that they've created. And I don't have a shred of guilt about this, my mother decided to have another baby although my father was already violent toward my brother and her. She hoped she would 'tie him down.' Well down they've tied me.

I have two scenarios in my head: one is of hope. Hope that I will receive medication that will finally work for me, and I will be functional, whichever country I decide to live in. I even have the 'glimmer of hope' scenario, that I will live decent until old age... But I don't see myself going that far. The successful career and family scenario is fading away the more time passes by.

The other scenario: my SN hasn't arrived yet. And I'm afraid that (I know) I will get scared in the last moment, and ask for help/ ambulance/ throw up. But I see that people here do not really respond to emergencies (I OD-ed before and they just let me ride it out, didn't bother to come) so part of me is satisfied that my plan is likely to go through and part of me is terrified because of SI.

Very confused.

 

[I screwed up]

I'm not sure honestly, I'm hoping for something...just don't know what. Everything is on pause right now. I'm not scared of death since it's inevitable and something we will all experience but more so just the courage to go through with it.

Exactly my situation. I couldn't have put it better

 

[Cutepoison]

Only fear of failing. Not even too scared of any physical discomfort, only the fear of failing

 

[randomz]

Mainly SI and the little hope I have left that somehow, something will happen and I will change my life for the better.

 

[calendulo]

I have no doubts about. As if it were a song...Coronabus ruined my self-deliverance's projecting.
However, it is my fault, I 've spendt do much over here................I already do not know if could to kill myself.
But rigth now i can surely claim taht..............this site is not encouraging.to kill yourself...............othertwise them are ao professionally to do avoid IT.
Half blame to Corona crap and antother to Stafff.