Discussion What is not as talked about when you decide to ctb

[Leavesfromthevine]

I'm curious what people will have to say about this question.

After deciding I want to ctb I've felt emotionless. It's not the usual depression or anything like that I've just gone numb. Previously I was excited about knowing I would ctb soon but the closer the date arrives the more numb I feel. I don't think it's SI kicking in because I'm still as determined as ever so I don't know. What is your experience like?

 

[F@#$]

It wasn't so much a decision for me. It's more of a knowing that unless some miraculous accident happens that I will die of my own hand. I did notice the urge to kill myself lessen after I acquired a gun. It gives me a sense of "peace" just knowing the end is only an arms length away.