Discussion What is making you hold onto life?

[HelpMeToday]

For me, forcing myself to only and only think of the present. If my mind wanders an inch forward or backwards, I know I'm doomed - so I keep focusing on right now only.

How about you?

 

[whatevs]

Honestly? I'm just trying not to think about it. I don't want to kill myself and yet I visit this forum every day. Something's very wrong, that's for sure.

 

[OuttaTIme]

My family.

 

[FuneralCry]

In my case, I am only still alive as suicide is difficult for me, there is the lack of peaceful and reliable way to exit and the fear of failing the method. There is no actual reason for me to stay alive and there is nothing that could ever make me want to live. I just exist each day, trying to pass the time. It hurts me that I have to endure this life. To me it is horrifying how life is even a thing in the first place.

 

[jimmy7754]

I definitely want to kill myself because I don't see myself getting any better and the ebbs and flows aren't worth it anymore.. wish I could go through with it.

 

[OverBeforeStart]

Nothing. I had a failed attempt a few days ago and might try again soon. I can't function without meaning or a useful role to play in life and I have none. material comfort just alienates me even more and most distractions don't work. I'll either liberate my self from this life completely or die.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

Laziness… inertia…. Lack of motivation

 

[ReflectionOfTrauma]

When I wanted to let go of my life 1-2 years ago, but then I had realized that I don't want to do it without even trying modern medicine and psychedelics. After taking pills from a doctor and after trying psylocybine mushrooms I'll probably... you know. Not till then. Peace

 

[Shivali]

I am 60 years old. But my dad and mom are still alive. I don' t want to make them cry. Also I have an old dog. If I can, I will wait until they cross the rainbow bridge first and I will follow them ...

 

[ReflectionOfTrauma]

I am 60 years old. But my dad and mom are still alive. I don' t want to make them cry. Also I have an old dog. If I can, I will wait until they cross the rainbow bridge first and I will follow them ...

This world is crazy, I'm 3 times younger than you yet we are all on the same boat. Different countries, another age but similar feelings

 

[Shivali]

Diese Welt ist verrückt, ich bin dreimal jünger als du, aber wir sitzen alle im selben Boot. Andere Länder, ein anderes Alter, aber ähnliche Gefühle

Ja und als ich 20 Jahre alt war, wusste ich auch schon, dass dieses Leben wirklich hart sein wird. Ich habe mein ganzes Leben lang gekämpft ... aber jetzt leidet nicht nur meine Seele, sondern auch mein Körper ...
Never thought I would stay here 60 years or more...

 

[Alyatl]

Everyone that has spent so much time and care in supporting my recovery the past few years. If I did it now, despite feeling like I'm at the end of my line, I'll only really once again affirm the fact that I'm wasted potential and a waste of energy to worry about.

 

[Soulless Angel]

people, damned well people and NEVER being alone, or allowed out on my own...! that is ALL that is keeping me from trying again

 

[Zerengin96]

Have not found the right method yet. N is my favourite option, but its hard to get

 

[SadJessu]

My partner, and the fact I'm pregnant. Not ruling anything out after I give birth though. Sometimes I'm happy, but you know, I get this feeling deep down that it's all very superficial. I love my partner, and I have reasons to believe that he loves me too, but love doesn't fix people.

 

[brand666]

video games / family / hopes ...

 

[hellispink]

I have developed some love and compassion towards myself. So it is hard for me to harm something I love. However, I also know I don't deserve to live like this and I am aware I can't change everything. I know one day I have to do it and most of the days I fight not to. I am just waiting until I cannot do it anymore. I feel like the more pain there is, the more courage it will bring for me.

 

[ornitier199]

Nothing. I don't know why its taking so long to get a heatstroke. I have not stopped or yielded since I started.
I can feel the physical pain, yes, but I'm not dead yet, I don't understand. I haven't left the space either.

 

[hungry_ghost]

Might be silly, but perhaps a fear of the unknown of what's on the other side.

I went from being a would-be Catholic afraid of hell, to now a gnostic of sorts, anxious of any possible unknown tortures over there in the ether/astral/what have you.

I don't believe that whoever or whatever is running the show has our best interests at heart, and if they are capable of controlling a planet filled with humans like the Sims, and projecting our reality onto us like a hologram, I highly doubt that suicide would offer any tangible escape from them, let alone from suffering at all.

 

[lostmyacc]

Might be silly, but perhaps a fear of the unknown of what's on the other side.

I went from being a would-be Catholic afraid of hell, to now a gnostic of sorts, anxious of any possible unknown tortures over there in the ether/astral/what have you.

I don't believe that whoever or whatever is running the show has our best interests at heart, and if they are capable of controlling a planet filled with humans like the Sims, and projecting our reality onto us like a hologram, I highly doubt that suicide would offer any tangible escape from them, let alone from suffering at all.

Yes but if there was no escape and we're bound to a reincarnation trap or hologram. Why would there be a genuine effort for mass depopulation from the elites who want to kill off billions potentially.

 

[September5th]

Nothing, I guess. Lost everything, so it's whatever at this point. Maybe my mom, but even then... I'm tired of living for others.

Wish I could be happy and find hope again. Impossible, though.

 

[hungry_ghost]

Yes but if there was no escape and we're bound to a reincarnation trap or hologram. Why would there be a genuine effort for mass depopulation from the elites who want to kill off billions potentially.

That's an interesting point. It's something I'd have to chew on for a while.

 

[lostmyacc]

That's an interesting point. It's something I'd have to chew on for a while.

Yep. It is something that totally destroyed my view on reincarnation . If the elites want to kill us off surely they'd have more information about life than the peasants like us. Sure people could explain it away of course but it's a feeling i can't shake.

 

[LifeIsAChore11]

Procrastination

 

[london3]

@HelpMeToday

The things that are making me hold on and delay my decision to ctb is mainly family as well as the very very small chance that things will get better for me in my life.

It is so stressful being in two minds in one brain, where the negative thought and outlook on life overwhelm my mind and make me step closer and closer to the edge of destruction

 

[Baemo]

Fear of death, I want to die and end it all, but I still have hope(I don'want to, but my heart tells me I should have), knowing that I only have one life. I also assume that there is nothing after death. I am so sad.

 

[HelpMeToday]

@HelpMeToday

The things that are making me hold on and delay my decision to ctb is mainly family as well as the very very small chance that things will get better for me in my life.

It is so stressful being in two minds in one brain, where the negative thought and outlook on life overwhelm my mind and make me step closer and closer to the edge of destruction

I'm here if you need anyone, and that applies to everyone. I cannot DM people yet, but I promise I will go out of my way if I can help it!

I feel the same. Two minds, and that flicker of light that whispers "life will get better". I guess you could call it the SI.

I also see you're based in London. I'm based in the UK (Leeds) , and it would be amazing to meet someone who thinks like me for once!! Haha.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

The fact I've procrastinated on all my end-of-life preparations.

 

[london3]

I'm here if you need anyone, and that applies to everyone. I cannot DM people yet, but I promise I will go out of my way if I can help it!

I feel the same. Two minds, and that flicker of light that whispers "life will get better". I guess you could call it the SI.

I also see you're based in London. I'm based in the UK (Leeds) , and it would be amazing to meet someone who thinks like me for once!! Haha.

Hi

Yeah life can be stressful for everyone, but it seems like people outside deal with the ups and downs of life well and are resilient and they do seem to me that they are happy and upbeat about life.

Thinking about the past is a huge issue for me where i keep feeling guilty about bad decisions and bad things that happened to me. I know people say you can not change the past but it is still hard to accept this and continue to have regrets about your past life.

Thinking about the future is also dreadful as fear of the unknown keeps me anxious and what potential bad things might happen, the future scares me as i think to myself do i want to feel these bad thoughts for many many more decades until i am a sad old man?

Or do i have the courage to choose my own destiny and know that i have saved myself from future issues and finally had the courage to kill myself....

I try and keep myself busy with life, so my mind is in the present and that i am too busy to make hard decisions... being a busy little bee just makes me tired and make me have no space in my thoughts to actually ctb.

Using these anonymous forums is very helpful to me and a lot of other people just to air out your worries and thoughts and to actually confirm your true intentions and how serious you are in your decision to ctb.

 

[Hate you]

Haven't fully secured a method to go with.