What is keeping you from ctbing rn? I always wish there was a guaranteed peaceful way, I probably wouldn't exist if there was, that's what has been holding from ctb. I feel like at one point I will take my own life even if it takes pain, I don't care anymore. I just wanna exit this life. I can't live with the sufferings anymore.
Darkover
Angelic
- Jul 29, 2021
- 4,444
lack of peaceful method i hope something terrible happens like a nuclear war saves me from doing the job
in the uk SODIUM NITRITE has just been labeled as a explosive so there no more sn for the uk members
in the uk SODIUM NITRITE has just been labeled as a explosive so there no more sn for the uk members
ABSOLUTION
Member
- Jul 25, 2023
- 61
Ironically, the same misery that makes me want to CTB.
To get the materials in my method I need money, and to get money I need a job.
But I hardly have the motivation to do anything.
When I wake up from a 14 hour sleep, I would rather go back to bed again still.
When I overcome this, I will be much closer to my CTB.
To get the materials in my method I need money, and to get money I need a job.
But I hardly have the motivation to do anything.
When I wake up from a 14 hour sleep, I would rather go back to bed again still.
When I overcome this, I will be much closer to my CTB.
Nlis2244
Alone
- May 13, 2022
- 130
Simply the fact that at this moment I'm not in the place where I want to ctb. If I was, I would most probably do it
BlackMoon
Peace-seeker
- Oct 30, 2023
- 190
My cat, I don't want to abandon him all alone in my appartment with my corpse and without somebody to give him food.
Also I confess I always have fears about physical pain and even more about failing my attempt. I hope it doesn't make me sound as a coward.
Also I confess I always have fears about physical pain and even more about failing my attempt. I hope it doesn't make me sound as a coward.
Division Day
It's life that scares me to death
- Oct 28, 2023
- 155
I'm scared of suffering, I'm scared of surviving damaged even more by an attempt, my anxiety makes going anywhere to do it impossible rn and I don't have the strength to beat down my SI. So I don't know how to get out. My only hope is either obtaining a method that has less SI issues or that someday I'll be able to overcome it and jump (or full suspension).
I need a few surgeries so that I don't did looking like a man. I just want one moment where I don't
aura.
this land is inhospitable
- Nov 4, 2023
- 15
me too, i could never leave behind my cats. i don't know why they are the only things keeping me here but they are and i think i am just waiting for the perfect moment to ctb. but i know there will never be a perfect moment so i think one day i need to just impulsively bite the bullet and finally complete my mission.
FuneralCry
Just wanting some peace
- Sep 24, 2020
- 37,293
The fact that suicide is so inaccessible in this hellish prison world. Suicide is barely even an option, it disgusts me how we are denied a guaranteed way to just leave in peace despite the fact that we were so harmfully forced to suffer here in the first place. It's like we are being punished all because other people so selfishly decided to procreate.
achb
I am Clive
- Oct 23, 2023
- 133
Convenience. I'm not good at doing inconvenient things without someone pushing me to do them. And suicide methods are quite inconvenient and require effort.
I have never been a good self motivator. Never will.
I have never been a good self motivator. Never will.
tranny123
she/her
- Oct 31, 2023
- 15
my girlfriend, i love her so much and i'm terrified of how much i would hurt her.
dont wanna hurt people in my life. though i feel not valued often, i acknowledge logically that there are people out there who would rather i stay. people are imperfect and on the good days i can imagine they dont intend to make me feel the way i usually do, even if it gets very frustrating and isolating. but they did work their asses off to keep me fed and sustained, and i want to at least pay them back somehow before i decide to do it.
plus i have kids in my family who i dont want to pass any of the hurt to. im sure the older ones can handle it, but i dont wanna mess the kids up.
plus i have kids in my family who i dont want to pass any of the hurt to. im sure the older ones can handle it, but i dont wanna mess the kids up.
SmollMushroom
send N pls
- Sep 27, 2023
- 405
Missing some of the meds I need for my method. I'm afraid that the only doc who used to prescribed me those has just recently retired.
Also I would have liked to test a xanax OD to see how much time it took for me to pass out, but I guess I can't because I don't live alone.
Also I would have liked to test a xanax OD to see how much time it took for me to pass out, but I guess I can't because I don't live alone.
Don't you have access to olanzapine anymore? I thought olanzapine od was quite peaceful.
Darkover
Angelic
- Jul 29, 2021
- 4,444
no not since i od on it but i've found some on the darkweb just getting my provisional license so i can buy bitcoin from a exchange but not even filled the form in it
My obsession with exploring/vagabond lifestyle and the 0.1% bit of hope that maybe I'll be able to do it again one day
iDontKnowWhat
Member
- Oct 12, 2023
- 70
My mother is at home, and she has a 6th sense, seriously. But Monday morning I'm going to do it, I can't take this pain anymore. I already have everything I need: Phenobarbital 21 grams + Morphine 3 grams + alcohol + bathtub so I can unconsciously drown. Actually I didn't need to drown, but with the above method it would take me 60 to 90 minutes to die without any pain, but I'm afraid of someone finding me, so...
𝗟𝗼𝗻𝗲𝗹𝘆
Deeming that I were better dead
- Oct 28, 2023
- 197
Fear. Fear of pain. Fear of the unknown. Fear of the fact that someone might get hurt with my decision. Fear of dying alone. Fear of fighting SI. Fear of failing and becoming a vegetable.
Simply do not wish to right now. I have easy access to SN so I can ctb whenever, but I'm giving myself some time to come to terms with it so I don't get held back by SI. When I finally do, I want to be more mentally prepared and certain.
That's what is also stopping me. You don't know what'll happen.
I do have a little hope but it's not enough to stop me from ctb.
I don't want to die and am effectively being forced to kill myself... I wanted to live as long as possible. That ends Monday. I'm definitely ready though. I'm so sick of the world. I'm just not worth saving I guess.
BlazingBob
I'm still here b/c of my dogs
- Oct 28, 2021
- 601
Dogs. I can't abandon them. They'd be neglected and they deserve better but they're very old. One has diabetes and severe arthritis and another has renal failure. It shouldn't be too much longer. After they're gone so am I.
HollowDrop
ah
- Oct 4, 2023
- 135
My cat and desire to enjoy video games. I would also list family and friends but on the flip side I always also feel like a burden to all of them which only makes me want to die more. Their lives would be easier without me being such a piece of trash.
I don't want my roommates to find out and then lose our house & their cats. I just signed the lease and they don't have anyone else to cover right now. If they get too depressed and can't take off work on top of it, they might ctb too. I only have $11 to my name so I can't send them enough to make sure they'll be okay before I go.
Lookoutbelow
Jump to it
- Sep 14, 2023
- 512
ikn0wthatiknow
It is what it is
- Jul 24, 2023
- 7
Don't want to ruin my best friends birthday or Christmas. Soon as that passes I have everything in preparation for my exit. Even without a peaceful exit atleast after the suffering of my own choice I'll never have to feel the way I feel ever again and that gives me peace. Much love.
Daughter of Sorrow
Member
- Nov 1, 2023
- 41
Meaning. There are still days where I just wish it would all be over, that I wouldn't have to deal with this shit anymore. There used to be a day that didn't go by where I didn't consider if I should just end it right then. Now those days are less and less.
I stopped trying to be happy, because that was an unobtainable goal for me. I tried to find meaning in my suffering. I have my faith, friends and family, and a cat. I have things that I do that I enjoy. I recently went back to school to learn how to make jewelry.
In the dark days in my past, I didn't do it because I knew, without a doubt, that it would fuck up my family. Every single one of them would be worse off if I killed myself. To give them that kind of trauma wasn't fair. So I kept suffering so others wouldn't. Slowly, that extended outward to others. So, I keep going, because even if I am miserable, I don't want others to be. I volunteer at church and am strong in my faith. And each day that I didn't die, was a day that I was able to cope with the misery better.
I also went (metaphorically) from Emo to Punk. I started to become less depressed and more angry. The world was shit. Well, by God, I was going to be pissed about it and try to make it less shit.
Sometimes, even now I wish a meteor would land right on me and take me out, though.
Meaning. There are still days where I just wish it would all be over, that I wouldn't have to deal with this shit anymore. There used to be a day that didn't go by where I didn't consider if I should just end it right then. Now those days are less and less.
I stopped trying to be happy, because that was an unobtainable goal for me. I tried to find meaning in my suffering. I have my faith, friends and family, and a cat. I have things that I do that I enjoy. I recently went back to school to learn how to make jewelry.
In the dark days in my past, I didn't do it because I knew, without a doubt, that it would fuck up my family. Every single one of them would be worse off if I killed myself. To give them that kind of trauma wasn't fair. So I kept suffering so others wouldn't. Slowly, that extended outward to others. So, I keep going, because even if I am miserable, I don't want others to be. I volunteer at church and am strong in my faith. And each day that I didn't die, was a day that I was able to cope with the misery better.
I also went (metaphorically) from Emo to Punk. I started to become less depressed and more angry. The world was shit. Well, by God, I was going to be pissed about it and try to make it less shit.
Sometimes, even now I wish a meteor would land right on me and take me out, though.
I stopped trying to be happy, because that was an unobtainable goal for me. I tried to find meaning in my suffering. I have my faith, friends and family, and a cat. I have things that I do that I enjoy. I recently went back to school to learn how to make jewelry.
In the dark days in my past, I didn't do it because I knew, without a doubt, that it would fuck up my family. Every single one of them would be worse off if I killed myself. To give them that kind of trauma wasn't fair. So I kept suffering so others wouldn't. Slowly, that extended outward to others. So, I keep going, because even if I am miserable, I don't want others to be. I volunteer at church and am strong in my faith. And each day that I didn't die, was a day that I was able to cope with the misery better.
I also went (metaphorically) from Emo to Punk. I started to become less depressed and more angry. The world was shit. Well, by God, I was going to be pissed about it and try to make it less shit.
Sometimes, even now I wish a meteor would land right on me and take me out, though.
Meaning. There are still days where I just wish it would all be over, that I wouldn't have to deal with this shit anymore. There used to be a day that didn't go by where I didn't consider if I should just end it right then. Now those days are less and less.
I stopped trying to be happy, because that was an unobtainable goal for me. I tried to find meaning in my suffering. I have my faith, friends and family, and a cat. I have things that I do that I enjoy. I recently went back to school to learn how to make jewelry.
In the dark days in my past, I didn't do it because I knew, without a doubt, that it would fuck up my family. Every single one of them would be worse off if I killed myself. To give them that kind of trauma wasn't fair. So I kept suffering so others wouldn't. Slowly, that extended outward to others. So, I keep going, because even if I am miserable, I don't want others to be. I volunteer at church and am strong in my faith. And each day that I didn't die, was a day that I was able to cope with the misery better.
I also went (metaphorically) from Emo to Punk. I started to become less depressed and more angry. The world was shit. Well, by God, I was going to be pissed about it and try to make it less shit.
Sometimes, even now I wish a meteor would land right on me and take me out, though.
movinout17
Student
- Feb 2, 2023
- 113
Generally, it's not the right time. And I know it would devastate my family. And, there are no "peaceful" methods for me right now it seems. So I'm in limbo now sadly
For me it's three things. Most importantly my son, I don't want him to have to deal with that. The other two reasons are fear based; fear that I would fuck up and be in some kind of compromised physical and/or mental state, and also fear of the unknown. In my experience things pretty much always get worse, what if things are worse after death than before?
