Discussion What is being bipolar like?

[Fire&Ash]

I want to understand. What is being bipolar like? I see basic articles about what bipolarism is, but what is it? Is it really mania? from a high euphoric feeling to depression? Can you be bipolar but never have these "highs?" Everyone in my family jokes that my aunts (4 of them) and my sister and cousins have it, but no one every dares to get diagnosed. Share with me.

 

[Hurt]

I haven't been diagnosed with this condiction. Only one therapist told me that I have depression after a test and some sessions. But there are times in which I'm excited and I feel lucky to be alive and I want to do many things, be productive. But some other times I want to end my life it's like another me. It's weird. When I'm in my happy (or excited) mood I regret thinking in ctb.

 

[mossyfox]

I have severe bipolar I, mixed episodes. it's not common enough that six people in your family have bipolar. people misuse the word to describe dramatic people, moody people in general, or people they don't like. it's why the condition is so stigmatized and I can't tell people I have it. Imagine how it feels to listen to friends and co-workers tell you a story about someone they know and at the end say 'that person is so bipolar, haha' and you are sitting there, thinking 'I have bipolar, is that how you would think if me if you knew?'.

To answer your question, mania is very noticeable to everyone around you and often gets people in trouble with the law or lands them in a hospital if they are not on meds. It can last two weeks. It has to last for at least a week to be called mania.

There are different types of bipolar. Some with highs first then depression. Or depression first then upswing in mood. Or mixed episodes like mine. Also there is rapid cycling bipolar where these swings happen more than four times in a year. The differences are very important for treatment plans.

This is a general look at the basic criteria of the condition, but their are many, many things that come with the condition, like struggles with perception of passing of time and keeping routines.

I haven't been diagnosed with this condiction. Only one therapist told me that I have depression after a test and some sessions. But there are times in which I'm excited and I feel lucky to be alive and I want to do many things, be productive. But some other times I want to end my life it's like another me. It's weird. When I'm in my happy (or excited) mood I regret thinking in ctb.

There is bipolar II which is depression with hypomania. It is missed by many doctors and therapists because when you feel good, especially after dealing with depression, you usually don't think to say to your doctor that you felt "too good". Hypomania has to last at least 4 days. A sure way to tell is to take antidepressants. If you have bipolar, antidepressant will trigger hypomania after some time.

 

[Tomoko]

Imagine playing god, and deciding to make it a bright sunny day down on earth, but the bright white clouds in the sky are at the same time raining while lightning and thunder crash down. Now replace earth with your mood. Thats pretty much what it's like for me. I'm never just defaulted to neutral like people are supposed to be.

 

[fox_wannabe]

It feels like having a plan, when everything is gonna go well, and you are super motivated and than getting slammed down in the head with depression and suicidal thought. I am not sure I have bpd as I am mixture of different disorders and traumas as well as mental illnesses.

 

[Walkingcorpse123]

It is kind of like being heavy binge drug user but you need no drugs and have no choice. You go fast then crash and crawl depressed. Idk if the cycle never ends without meds. Noone seems to know why it happens.

 

[emmarg]

I'm bipolar I. The mania is different for everyone; for me, it's the god complex, spending money, being hypersexual. The depressive periods are not being able to get out of bed, and other stuff related to why I'm on this forum. No medication (aside from lithium, which made me feel fucking awful) has helped. And you never know when it's going to change.

 

[fox_wannabe]

I can spend money on stuff like crazy, I sometimes am hyper-sexual, than I might feel depressed. I might have very bad mood swings, often during one day I feel good and want to ctb.

 

[someonelse]

I'm bipolar one with generalized anxiety disorder and it ruined my life. I have extreme psychotic episodes where I post all sorts of horrifying things on social media, dress up and sing in public, and try to convince the world that I'm a performance artist.

I was diagnosed at 35 after thinking I had found a way to make world peace happen. Since then, I've had three other major psychotic episodes. During one in January 2020 I went into a house because I thought Frank Ocean had built it for me and was going to meet me inside. I ended up being put in jail for burglary which is a felony. I was there for four months. (It was like I "woke up" in jail as I blacked out during my arrest)

After getting out of jail (I was there for the start of Covid) I started to feel like I was getting my life back together, but then I had another manic episode even though I was on my meds and in therapy the whole time. I ended up smashing my hand through the window of my new apartment and throwing furniture out of it. I threatened a downstairs neighbor even though it's all a blur and I've blacked out lots of it—I'm still dealing with the court on it.

In addition to that, I'm 25k in debt from all the shopping I do when I'm manic. And I've posted and said all sorts of awful things about friends and professional contacts of mine. I freelance and have completely alienated pretty much everyone who could possibly hire me.

That's honestly just part of how bipolar disorder has ruined my life. It's a cruel, evil disease. I know some people are able to get medication that helps them and go on to live normal lives. But even when I adhere to the medications I go manic. And I fear I can't control myself in that state so I'm terrified what I might do if it happens again.

The alternative to the mania is the darkest, deepest depression imaginable. It's a complete nightmare. It's the state I'm in now and why I'm here planning to ctb.