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willitpass

willitpass

Don’t try to offer me help, I’ve tried everything
Mar 10, 2020
1,371
Always up before the sun comes up. I wake up a lot in the middle of the night but because of work and college I'm up and at it at 6:30am almost every day of the week. A true day off is rare for me. Most days I have class first so I get up, use the bathroom, and weigh myself. Most I'm not happy with the number so I spend the morning planning how I can punish myself for it to lose more weight for the next morning weigh in. Have a breakfast of an energy drink and head off to either class or work. If I just have class then I will go home after and try and do some studying. Either I'll be able to and get lots done or I'll stare at the screen unable to focus and thinking about how much I just want to die and how fucking hungry I am. If I have work I try and stay as busy as I possibly can to avoid thinking too much and hopefully avoid eating. Evening comes and I'm pretty much always home by 8pm so I'll shower and this is also the time of day where I'm most likely to "binge" (I have anorexia so a binge for me is a normal meal for most people, but to me it feels like the end of the world). Then I go to bed thinking about how much I hate myself.

If I'm lucky enough to have a true day off I wake up at 6:30 and lay in bed thinking about how much I need to get done. About how my apartment is a disgusting mess and I have errands to run, studying to do, I should go on a run to burn off some calories. Usually I end up wasting the day away in bed anyway.
 
ijustwishtodie

ijustwishtodie

death will be my ultimate bliss
Oct 29, 2023
2,409
Oh lol. I thought that you were Chinese as well. Guess I was wrong. Btw what kind of Asian are you? The usual professions that Asian parents want are "doctor, lawyer, engineer". My parents are disappointed in me and view me as a failure. They pester me to "do something" with my life. I guess that they're mad at me for failing to launch. My parents like to share everything about me to others as well, but they don't tell anyone that I'm a NEET out of shame. They want to save face. My mom is getting frustrated with me and is threatening to kick me out if I don't contribute, and this is adding to my suicidal ideation. I plan to ctb soon anyways so I don't really care though
I'm a pakistani asian unfortunately. Because of this, I also have to deal with their bullshit religion too. My parents are disappointed in me for not making friends and for not getting successfully hired for a part time job. My parents have the mindset that, no matter how tough the world gets, I should always be tougher along with the world's demands to catch up and be at front in the competition. In my eyes, I just see this as them wanting me to be a better cog in the machine than other cogs which sounds repulsive to me.

I think I'd get kicked out too if I wasn't doing anything at all which is what I should want in theory but, in practice, I'd rather be dead before I get kicked out. Either way, I hope that the remaining time that you have here can be as peaceful as possible as it does sound hellish to be a NEET with strict parents, even if they are just making the inevitable happen quicker
 
HereTomorrow

HereTomorrow

eternally atoning
Feb 1, 2024
166
Wake up.
Doomscroll.
Consume a ton of vitamins and electrolytes.
Go to work.
Have at least one emotional overwhelm on shift and constantly thinking of CTB.
Play rhythm games or doomscroll instead of eating on lunch break.
Fantasizing my own death once again on shift.
Go home.
Doomscroll.
Eat dinner.
Doomscroll.
Play rhythm games.
Doomscroll.
Sleep.

On my free days I doomscroll, go to the arcade, take a long walk outside, make dinner, then set up for work to repeat the above cycle.
 
casual_existence

casual_existence

Student
Jul 29, 2023
192
I've been up and down with my desire to ctb. So far I'm more on the living side but the call of death is always there hah.
I've been unemployed for some time but since I'm running out of money I have no choice but to get a job.
I've also been going to this thing where they teach you about socialization and basic living skills and it's kinda tedious but eh it's something to do and it's free.
Outside of that I play Last Epoch, do some math, think about what I want to do, watch videos on yt and just kinda chill. I used to browse reddit but ever since the app rif was removed I haven't gone back. I usually only have one meal and snack throughout the day.
I feel like I'm struggling against a powerful river. Very draining.
 
Onomatopoeia

Onomatopoeia

Student
Feb 17, 2024
172
I lay in bed a lot. There are stretches sometimes since 2022, that I don't get out of bed for days. The longest I've stayed in bed since the Fall of 2022 was 15 days. I'd get up to use the bathroom and drink water. But that's it. I just lay here until I fall asleep.

I quit my job 15-16 months ago. It's hard for me to even eat anymore. Right now I'm laying in bed using a voice thing to talk/text on this website. I always hope I'll never wake up from sleep. But I have my nitrogen setup ready for March 21-22.
 
_Minsk

_Minsk

death: the cure for life
Dec 9, 2019
1,024
Work, at times going to buy food and then either sitting somewhere outside where I'm alone or I'm heading straight to my living place. When I'm home, I wash myself and then sit/lay somewhere to spend most of my time on my phone. Its a sad life..
 
B

bipbapbop

Experienced
Mar 7, 2024
255
I lay in bed a lot. There are stretches sometimes since 2022, that I don't get out of bed for days. The longest I've stayed in bed since the Fall of 2022 was 15 days. I'd get up to use the bathroom and drink water. But that's it. I just lay here until I fall asleep.

I quit my job 15-16 months ago. It's hard for me to even eat anymore. Right now I'm laying in bed using a voice thing to talk/text on this website. I always hope I'll never wake up from sleep. But I have my nitrogen setup ready for March 21-22.
Do you mind sharing the voice talk/text thing you use?
 
trashprincess

trashprincess

She/Slur
Aug 8, 2023
185
My attempt to live away from my family fell apart, so now its pretty simple. I basically just smoke weed, and then alternate between thinking about things and scrolling through reddit. I've been spending a little time trying to figure out a new source of income but I don't have a lot of energy for that.
 
L

LittleJem

Visionary
Jul 3, 2019
2,423
Sleep till midday to avoid the morning
eat something
force myself to go for a walk
coffee shop read thriller so i don't get tortured by my mind (i read one a day)
watch TV

All of which alone, the same day over and over while suffering.
 
astonishedturnip

astonishedturnip

Like Christine Chubbuck, but sadder
Jan 16, 2024
127
Honest to God, on Bible:

Wake up, enjoy consciousness for about 3 seconds before I start panicking about nothing at all. My brain literally searches for a problem, like, "Hey, remember how much you hate knowing that your beloved parents will die someday? What if they're dead right now?" Try to do a deep breathing exercise. Panic more because my body connects deep breathing exercises to "something is wrong." Consider killing myself so I won't have to wake up in a panic anymore. My handgun is right under the bed. But my mom is sleeping and it would make her sad. What if she's dead? Haul ass to the hallway to listen in and make sure my mom's still breathing. Eat breakfast panicking that she will, inevitably, not be breathing one day. Take my Lexapro. My mom's okay, and even when she's gone, she wants me to keep going. I shouldn't kill myself.

Put on calming music on the ride to work so I don't get a panic attack. Try to focus on work. If I start OCD doomscrolling I will straight up waste 4 hours without noticing. If my Lexapro is kicking in OK that day, it makes it easier. Try not to work myself into another panic or depressive episode that will send me into the bathroom, crying in a stall while pissing to be a good sport. Consider killing myself. Traffic goes by fast on the nearby street. I could just go on the crosswalk and step in front of a truck. Get some hot chocolate and laugh with a coworker. Life is good! How embarrassing that I wanted to kill myself a few minutes ago.

Come home, exercise with a brisk walk around the neighborhood. Laugh to myself that the internet's advice to get over anxiety and depression is "just go for a walk bro, just take a shower bro, just drink more water bro, just do deep breathing bro, you literally don't need meds" when none of that did shit for me.

Chill out, eat dinner with the family, play some video games to distract myself from doomscrolling. Feel guilty because my ex-therapist said that distracting myself from anxiety is bad; you should sit with the anxiety. Sit with the anxiety. Panic and cry. Feel slightly better that the panic attacks are easier to handle on Lexapro. Randomly consider killing myself. Read 50 pages of a book (daily challenge to myself) under my heated blanket. So warm! Life is good! I don't want to kill myself wtf. Talk to my friends on Discord and have a blast. Decide that this happiness won't last and log onto SaSu for no reason to stay abreast of backup plans. I love my friends but it won't affect their lives much if I was gone. They all have their own best friends and lives and goals.

Stay up too late doomscrolling or browsing the internet instead of doing the creative projects I've been putting off. I can't kill myself until I get those projects done, but it's hard finding the time and energy when I've spent so much of it doomscrolling. Lie in bed and recognize how little I've objectively accomplished in the last 5 years. So few dates. Haven't been kissed since high school. No mountains climbed or marathons run. Why do I bother? Where does the time go? Remember a fun memory. Was that really 3 years ago now? 3 years ago I thought of how my life might change by now. But it hasn't changed. Why do I bother? I should kill myself. Hug my Rilakkuma plushie and soothe myself to sleep imagining a self-insert fantasy with my favorite fictional character. Sleep. There will be hell to pay when my alarm goes off.
 
heisenberg

heisenberg

pile of skin and bones
May 18, 2020
155
> wakeup
> work
> play overwatch or go see my bf
> sleep

bought a gym membership at least today.
 
G

Gorgone

Member
Oct 22, 2023
12
My day to day is either be at work or taking care of my kid. Except for the few hours after they go to sleep or the 20 minutes before they wake up. During those times I scroll endlessly or try to squeeze in some gaming. I only leave the house for work, groceries, or taking the kid to the park/an activity and unless it's my partner or necessary for work or my kid I don't speak to anyone.
 
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3/4Dead

3/4Dead

This Body Needs An Overhaul
Feb 27, 2024
121
Pretty similar to a lot of people here.

Wake up (11-12ish on a good day, 2-3pm on a bad), sleep as much as possible, browse the internet (here and reddit ususally) watch youtube or movies, listen to music, check on CC a bunch, exercise when anxious and go to sleep when the insomnia is ready.

Don't really leave my house, except for class (only twice per week for now), and my room even less when possible. it's been that way for a while.
 
FitsTime

FitsTime

Wizard
Feb 22, 2024
642
My day to day is either be at work or taking care of my kid. Except for the few hours after they go to sleep or the 20 minutes before they wake up. During those times I scroll endlessly or try to squeeze in some gaming. I only leave the house for work, groceries, or taking the kid to the park/an activity and unless it's my partner or necessary for work or my kid I don't speak to anyone.
This is the life nowadays, i don't trust anyone either.
 
onbekend

onbekend

Experienced
Jan 14, 2024
200
Wake up after 12 hours of sleeping (I don't know why I sleep for so long now), Get on my computer and just stare at nothing for 10 hours straight. Maybe I'll edit some videos for someone, so I can make some money that'll go to buying the supplies for my preferred method. On some occasions maybe I'll go play some games, If I care enough to do so but even escapes from reality such as that are becoming less appealing to me.
 
migimortis

migimortis

Student
Jan 15, 2024
132
Hang in doomer chat and talk to myself all day. Realize I'm just talking to myself and post on forums. Realize I'm not making any friends and go back to the chat.
 
pilotviolin

pilotviolin

Student
Jan 27, 2024
156
recently its been wake up around noon, eat, fuck around and play games or go online, somehow torment myself and ruin my day by arguing with myself or some brain shit, take pills and get high or drink, take sleeping pills then sleep either 4 or 14 hrs depending on if i got high or drunk lol. hopefully itll change soon when i study or volunteer but i really hope i dont end up dreading that too. i used to go out a bit but ive lost most desire to go out as of late besides today and the "i just moved ooh" magic wore off. idk ive had worse and better routines. i shouldnt bet on it at all with what i know and the history books but today i really felt like the brainmuck lifted and living was like a fresh breath of air but i dont know if theres anyone that could prescribe the dxm in auvelity form ive just been popping for the shit of it idk it was insane ive had afterglow before but it was so nice after confusion trips and feeling dogshit im just flabbergasted that some people out there wake up and everything isnt an effort thats not worth it or something to dread. sorry off topic but yeah avg day for the past few weeks.
 
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F

Forever Sleep

Earned it we have...
May 4, 2022
7,589
Wake up. Procrastinate here for longer than I should. Wash. Eat breakfast. Brush teeth. Work. Eat lunch. Work. Do some exercise. Eat dinner. Work. Procrastinate. Drink alchohol. Brush teeth. Sleep. Repeat 7 days a week.
 
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