Venting What final straw lead to your first attempt??

[c.c]

I was being molested for 2 months by my cousin and the sexual and mental abuse along with physical pain got worse to the point that i couldn't pretend to fine in front of Friends ( faking a smile became a challenge) and at the time was going to class for my entrance exam and one Monday i did leave and reached my class's location ( to satisfy my parents) but was to tried and for the first time decided to pretend to my parents that i was in class but would not attend and since my cousin and i leaved in same country but different states and he always hated the fact that i use to say "NO" and would rebel and call him rapist, molester, pedo, i use to hurt his male ego but at the end he would always hit me with " i am booking my tickets now..i am coming to meet you..let's sort it out in person" and i always knew that this would only lead to me getting raped so i would shut up and he also had my gps, social media, when my phone is connected to wifi or my when my phone data was on was monitored by him..and that day i decide to go to place i use to live which angered him really bad and i tho i was getting verbally abused for hours...i didn't had to force a smile or see people of my age living their life..so i went and my phone died and when i came back home and charged my phone..he had already made every plan to come to my state and if i refused to meet him in person alone..he would just come to my house..so i was left with no choice but either to die or get raped and at the time i wanted to die as a victim of molestation not as a victim of rape but i failed...and now i regret surviving that molestation at all..i still want to die and knowing my life i would be the one doing it..

 

[BPDtgirl]

i'm so sorry that you had to go through that, that's disgusting and i hope he gets what's coming to him.

 

[milkteacrown]

I'm extremely sorry about your experiences, OP. I understand what you mean. I often wish I'd died "unsoiled," and I hope you know that isn't a problem with you or I, but the society we live in that makes us feel like used goods for having been sexually abused. You deserve so much better.

 

[c.c]

I'm extremely sorry about your experiences, OP. I understand what you mean. I often wish I'd died "unsoiled," and I hope you know that isn't a problem with you or I, but the society we live in that makes us feel like used goods for having been sexually abused. You deserve so much better.

Thank you..i know you didn't deserve what happened to you too..though now i think that maybe i was made to be raped...like maybe i will get to die after i finally get raped? Like i believe that i was meant to be raped and dead when i was 1st molested by a stranger in train just 3 weeks before my 7th birthday...atlest i would have died knowing that world isn't that bad..i would have died remembering my parents love and not with these memories and nightmare...would have died alive..

 

[milkteacrown]

Thank you..i know you didn't deserve what happened to you too..though now i think that maybe i was made to be raped...like maybe i will get to die after i finally get raped? Like i believe that i was meant to be raped and dead when i was 1st molested by a stranger in train just 3 weeks before my 7th birthday...atlest i would have died knowing that world isn't that bad..i would have died remembering my parents love and not with these memories and nightmare...would have died alive..

I feel sad when I hear you say that you deserve and were meant to be raped because those are the exact words I'd said about myself when I was ten years old. Looking back on it, I would never think such a thing about a child, even knowing that child would enter a life of pain. I think similarly about you.
It isn't fair that you and I did not experience our childhood the way we should have. It isn't fair that, because of something out of our control, we feel we shouldn't live anymore and deserve what happened to us so early on in our lives. You don't deserve abuse—you deserve compassion, especially for yourself. Which I know is a difficult thing to conjure up out of thin air.

 

[bankai]

I don't understand why other people do this. The victims have to carry this trauma forever. Such an evil, despicable thing.It's too much of a burden. Also it is the relatives that are the culprits most of the time. Boggles the mind.

 

[c.c]

I feel sad when I hear you say that you deserve and were meant to be raped because those are the exact words I'd said about myself when I was ten years old. Looking back on it, I would never think such a thing about a child, even knowing that child would enter a life of pain. I think similarly about you.
It isn't fair that you and I did not experience our childhood the way we should have. It isn't fair that, because of something out of our control, we feel we shouldn't live anymore and deserve what happened to us so early on in our lives. You don't deserve abuse—you deserve compassion, especially for yourself. Which I know is a difficult thing to conjure up out of thin air.

I am happy for you..you got to recover..keep healing and live a life where you are happy from within and thank you for saying that i didn't deserved that..really wanted to hear those words for a long time..thank you

 

[milkteacrown]

I am happy for you..you got to recover..keep healing and live a life where you are happy from within and thank you for saying that i didn't deserved that..really wanted to hear those words for a long time..thank you

I'm not recovered at all, unfortunately, but there's a part of me now that wants to protect the child inside of me who was hurt so badly by the world. One day, I hope that feeling comes for you, as well. ♥

 

[c.c]

I don't understand why other people do this. The victims have to carry this trauma forever. Such an evil, despicable thing.It's too much of a burden. Also it is the relatives that are the culprits most of the time. Boggles the mind.

Seek fantasies and lust ...that cousin had been sexually grooming me since i was 13 ( at that time i thought french kiss meant sex) but he knew it failed when i got a bf at 15 but never stopped there..continued to gain my trust till i broke up with him ( patched up soon ) and he couldn't hold the anger of me getting my bf back and 9 days later my 17th birthday groomed me again but this time didn't wait for long and before i realised i was getting molested and it got worse by every 4 hour...and i still know that he verbally abuses me and still masturbate's over me calling it all "PURE LOVE" and me a " SLUT"

I'm not recovered at all, unfortunately, but there's a part of me now that wants to protect the child inside of me who was hurt so badly by the world. One day, I hope that feeling comes for you, as well. ♥

Thanks and i will also hope that one day you will recover and the child inside you will feel loved and cherished like a pearl.♡

i'm so sorry that you had to go through that, that's disgusting and i hope he gets what's coming to him.